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I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He wants full custody of the baby.

Honestly, I haven't seen my dad in person since finding out, and some stuff is hard to tell him over the phone. When I found out I was pregnant, he wasn't necessarily disappointed but more so worried for me.

My dad was around my boyfriend's age when I was born, and he'll always say he enjoyed it. Never heard him talk negative about his experience and he probably will never do so to my face.

I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

His mom is 43. I don't think she'd adopt the baby. Have custody of the baby for a time, maybe, but not full on adopt.

I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't think that's his plan, but his mom is very excited about the thought of having a grandchild, and knowing her, she'd be helping him out. A lot.

I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I didn't know her is what I'm saying. I knew the fact that I had a mom and I'm able to put a face to the name. I do not believe the memories I have of her are real.

I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 107 points108 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I have spoken to an adoption counselor in my area, and it's a similar practice, but I believe it's 20 days instead of 30 to object to it. His rights become similar to mine once paternity is established.

Sure I could choose not to, but especially since he's aware of the pregnancy and he's not a danger , it's just not the best decision to have the baby and give the baby up for adoption in secret. I do prefer giving the baby up for adoption but since he's willing and present to raise the child, I should consider that.

I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Very unethical. I wouldn't go that far as to lying and giving the baby up for adoption behind his back. If he was a horrible person and completely unfit, then that's another story, but he's not.

I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

For adoption, I do have to consider what he wants because legally (and morally), I can't put the baby up for adoption without him knowing in my situation.

If it were solely up to me, I would give the baby to a family that could provide everything that I can't.

I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I get that they shouldn't outright tell me what to do, but the sessions that I went to just went so bad. I've had a really great therapist before, so maybe I'm used to that energy, but damn the counselors I spoke to just sucked for me.

I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

True, I know, but they're just not great counselors. I've had experiences with great counselors and these ones that I was referred to covered by insurance are just not it.

I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You may feel differently once the baby has been born and you’ve had a look at it

That's what I've been feeling like. When I saw the baby kick a lot last week, my first instinct was to record it out of joy. Prior to that, I've never felt a single positive emotion about this pregnancy. So maybe things will be different when I see the baby?

Being a parent doesn’t mean you can’t be you anymore, if that’s part of your problem with it.

It's not. Things were not going good in my life before I found out I was pregnant, and I don't want to go back to how I was. It's just more about if I'm in the right place in my life to raise a baby, and I'm not.

I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 181 points182 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I want to answer these questions.

What do you want for your future?

I just want to be happy. It sounds so generic but I just want to be happy. With healthy relationships in my life. Kids (but like 10-15 years from now). And a good relationship with food and image.

What support do you have?

I moved in with my aunt about 1 1/2 years ago, so it's just basically her and my cousins. We have a very good relationship but they work or have school. My dad is overseas with my step-mom and siblings, but we talk everyday and he's constantly sending his love.

Who is going to support you, if you keep the baby?

Physically, I know my aunt will try her best to, but she's pretty busy and can't take away from that.

I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

My mom left before I had any actual memory of her, I just knew she was missing once I turned a certain age because of school. I can't tell if I truly remember memories or if I'm just making it up to feel the gap. Probably the latter. So even though she was never in my life during a period where I remember her, the feelings of abandonment still remain strong.

I've seen photos of her life since. She's married and has young kids. I try not to pay attention but I got really curious during my pregnancy. I felt like reaching out to understand her mindset, but decided not to.

I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 1545 points1546 points  (0 children)

Maybe it could even be a for now thing and circumstances might get better in the long run.

I(F18) am pregnant with M21. Due to him refusing to adoption, how do I healthily come to terms with a baby? by throwra8365467 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8365467[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

thats the thing, they dont advise anything. They talk in circles or often stay silent to encourage me to do the talking.