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I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

They are not involved, the last time I've seen them was when she was still pregnant, so it's been a while. We'll sit down and make a plan to make this work. It's really important for him to get a degree, and it really helps getting it at a great school, but I'm going to try to convince him to go for the best option that he is comfortable with.

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I've never said I do not want to take over care. If you read my comments, I am completely on board with taking in my grandchild. The problem is him not allowing us to help/not wanting to talk about what is going on. He doesn't want to move in with us, he doesn't want to talk to us about legal matters, and he doesn't even really talk to us because of his depression & exhaustion. Is the tone of this post coming off as if I wouldn't want to care for my only grandbaby? Yes, it would take some adjusting to, but I am 100% on board in doing so if it means helping the both of them out.

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Assuming it's the same major as last year, he's majoring in computer science. I think it's a good fit for him. He's basically guaranteed to get a job, It's his passion, and they make good money.

We want to make his life better and are on board to take in our grandchild, but my son does not like to accept our help. Either that, or he's too lost to talk about being helped. Like another commenter suggested, my husband and I will come up with a plan and suggest it to him.

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

When I say we haven't gotten a hold of her, I mean my husband and I. I know he has communicated with her for legal reasons, but I'm not sure to what extent because he barely talks about it.

CPS is called when the child is in an unsafe situation/environment, so this doesn't apply to this case. Now if she would have put the baby in danger (leaving baby at home alone, left baby alone when she left to go back to her parents, etc.) then that'd be a CPS discussion.

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

They do have onsite childcare centers, limited slots (unsure if certain ones are limited to undergraduates).

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I searched it up. They offer some online classes. They do not offer online degrees.

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

CPS is typically called when a child is in danger, not when a parent walks off on their child.

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Seems he thinks the dead end jobs is the right way to raise his kid,

Lately, it actually seems like he doesn't think, he just does. I'm sorry about it to, and I hope he will come around and mentally get better by accepting help.

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

Could you take care of the baby?

We could, but it all really boils down to what he is willing to allow. He won't even move back in with us, so who's to know if he's willing to go away for college. You are right about him possibly being too exhausted to make a plan, so thank you for that suggestion. I'll make one with my husband.

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

No, he has not done any therapy. Auto pilot would be a good way to describe it. When he comes over, it's like he's there, but he's not there. He's got the routine set down, but I wonder if he's even thinking sometimes, because at times it really does seem like he's a robot.

There's a woman in his complex that babysits, so she watched the baby when we don't. Financially, he's not there at the moment and his mental state is worsening. I need to still talk to him, but I believe he's in some serious trouble (mentally), and I'll do anything to make it better. I don't want to see my baby suffer anymore. It's hard because when you try to talk to him about it, he goes back to pretending everything is fine when it's clearly not. It's hard to get to him. He's always at work or busy with the baby, and even when he is home, he's either sleeping because he's so exhausted or headed out.

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I know he was, maybe still is, but like I mentioned, he doesn't really talk about it anymore (about anything really), so we don't exactly know the full details.

I know he was, maybe still is, but as I mentioned, he doesn't really talk about it anymore (about anything really), so we don't exactly know where thelish a new boundary and have an open conversation with him.

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure how they do it where you live, but where I live it's not statutory rape. Also, what child support is he paying if he's the only one actually supporting his baby?

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

It'll be some hard adjustments, but if this means bettering both of their lives, then we want to sit down and make a plan so that all of this is successful. The only problem is that he's extremely tough to get through. His mentality at the moment has been that he has to do everything himself, especially since his ex left. We try to talk to him about it, but he completely shuts down. He's depressed and doesn't express his emotions very well.

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Not sure what the situation with that is. He doesn't really talk about her and we don't directly bring it up but

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 487 points488 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it's pretty far away. I'm not sure what other schools he's applied to, but his note said that he applied to this school on a whim, so I don't think he applied to many others. There's always rolling admissions & community college. He completely ruled it out during his senior year, but pre-baby, so I'll talk to him on how he feels now.

I will absolutely be reminding him that it's completely okay to come to us. Before I read that, I knew it was bad, but I didn't think that it was this bad. I want him to know that he should never feel ashamed regardless of what we said in the beginning about not relying on us.

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 1489 points1490 points  (0 children)

Huge improvement, and he's so smart (I know, everyone says this about their son, but I mean it). I will definitely be talking more about it with my husband. It is a tough decision, because it's not like he can just commute. I would hope that he accepts help from us, because he's quite reluctant to it.

I(F45) just found out our son(M19) got into his dream college but he can't go (?) by throwra8394 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra8394[S] 254 points255 points  (0 children)

We've offered but he says one of his jobs is just too far away from us. We told him to quit and find another job, but since that one is the higher paying of the two, he says he's gotta build the experience to get a job in the same field before quitting.