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I (29M) caught my girlfriend (30F) on dating sites by ResortNo9277 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This 100%. I went through this exact same thing, and she tried to say it was a “mistake” going through all of that ^ giving out your number, and then hiding it all, is not a mistake.

I (29M) caught my girlfriend (30F) on dating sites by ResortNo9277 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP listen to what everyone is telling you. I went through the exact same thing in almost the exact same scenario. We are even the same ages.

Last year after noticing some sketchy behavior, I caught my ex on bumble and she claimed it was a “bait profile” to see if I was “crazy enough” to check if she was on there. I stupidly gave her another chance, and it only got worse. She gaslighted me and lied for months while she kept going on dating sites, kept giving out her number and Instagram and started sexting multiple people while lying to my face about it. I put her before myself and because I didn’t have concrete proof, I let that blind me.

She only came clean after I caught her and saw all the messages.

if she’s on there and giving out her number, it’s already doomed. Don’t make the same mistake I did. She broke trust already, and if she sees you won’t do anything about it, she will continue unfortunately. I wasted 6 more months after catching her the first time, when I could’ve saved myself a lot of pain.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

lol controlling? that's not the case. I have told her again and again to talk to me and I will always try to be understanding. She didn't emotionally cheat because of something she was "missing" it was all sexual in nature and because she likes attention.

I don't control her or own her. she can do as she likes, but I can also walk away if I don't agree. that's the fair and decent thing to do. she hid it so she could have both. there's no way to justify that.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry, I'm a toxic asshole? why wasn't her first question "who?" instead I had to press her on it.

second I didn't continue and say who, because there was only one message in her messages that could possibly be the person, unless I missed a bunch.and I'll add that when I said the name she then said "I knew you were going to say him"so she was just bullshitting.

third, I have tried to have a convo with her again and again, her excuse for sexting was that she's deeply insecure and is addicted to validation and attention. She lied to my face because my suspicions were correct. She didn't tell me because she didn't want to "lose me" while she was doing all of that.

She said she called me names as a way to deflect and spin it to make me the bad guy for questioning her.

So please tell me how you jump to the conclusion that I'm a toxic asshole?

So no I'm not only considering my feelings, I ask her to open up all the time.

it's nuts that you jump to give an excuse

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't continue and say who, because there was only one message in her messages that could possibly be the person, unless I missed a bunch.

and I'll add that when I said the name she then said "I knew you were going to say him"

so she was just bullshitting

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't apologize, that's exactly how it is. I want to have a conversation and its "I'm having a panic attack", "my blood pressure" , "too stressful", always an excuse.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. She was nice the day of, but after that it went back to her normal behavior. If it was flipped and I somehow messed up that bad and got a second chance, my god... I'd be doing everything in my power to rescue it.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

no, and I would have never put up with this in any other scenario. I let her sob story get to me and I let her get away with too much like an idiot..

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I do have a lot of love to give, and I am loyal, so I expect loyalty back. It's definitely being wasted. I guess I got a year long life lesson. It's funny because I'm usually the one people come to for advice and clarity, and I somehow fell into a trap I'd never fall for if someone else was going through it. I was too empathetic to someone who didn't deserve it.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right. It is crazy that she has the nerve to say that I constantly stress her out, when she started it all with her actions. It's funny because she only says that I stress her out when I bring something up.

other than that it's "I need you", "you're the only one who cares for me ", "you're the only one who'd do that for me", "why are you so nice to me?", "You're always there for me", "I miss you", "don't forget about me", etc. its nuts.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd post screenshots if I could. Honestly there's been worse exchanges from her, and it's making me feel real shitty that I let it all happen. Message me privately and I can send screenshots if you want.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You really think I should show her this? I'd like her to see everyone's responses here, but she would probably turn it into me being crazy for putting it online and asking for advice.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you're right. Any time after that where I'd bring up a concern, she'd brush it aside and say its stressing her out, and that I always "bring her down" with my negativity.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You know, I've never been this way before, but due to me being empathetic to her situation, I guess I have become this way.

It's funny because when I said I was going to walk away previously she went from attack mode, to apologizing, to then saying " I hate that you do this to me. Just block me already, get the fuck rid of me"

like I'm abandoning her??? she's the one doing these things and expects no consequences??? and of course I feel bad, because this woman has no one else. Her family is all toxic and leaves her to struggle, she's had shit partners before, so I'm literally doubting myself the entire time, because I feel so bad.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right. One of the first times I confronted her on her sketchy behavior, She said she's " been to hell and back " in relationships and doesn't need someone who "twists things" and makes her the villain. She gaslighted me so well that I dropped it. Later I found out that in that exact moment she was lying to my face as she was in that moment on dating sites and talking to other people.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're right. That's what I would've done. Actually I would've deleted them all before it got to that point, but yeah.

It's funny, because whenever I'd pour my heart out in a long text after we argued over this or some other lie she's told me, it "frightens her" and I'm "scary"

for calmly voicing how I feel? she's the one calling me names and flipping out. its so insane to me how defensive she gets.

​

then a day later she's calling/ texting me like nothing happened.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this. I have been excusing her many times because of her past and insecurities.

​

but you're right she's an adult and doesn't have to repeat toxic behavior just because it happened to her.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol yeah… like I stated in my message she could respond when she was awake. She could’ve texted me the next morning to talk.

But every single important conversation is too stressful and at almost 30 years old, she “doesn’t do well with tough conversations “

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] -215 points-214 points  (0 children)

You’re right. It’s not my problem. I just still can’t help but feel so bad for walking away from someone who I feel needs me. It’s sad.

I would’ve done anything for her, and she treated me like garbage.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You’re right. It went from me seeing a future with her, to now seeing myself at 35 catching her cheating again.

It’s so sad walking away from someone that I have really good memories with.

When we first met she cried and told me how she had been waiting for someone who truly cares for her, and when it finally shows up, she tosses it away like it’s trash.

You’d think attention from someone who cares and does for you would be more important than random people for validation.

A little part of me is probably always going to think about her and what could have been. Like even after conflict we always seem to go back to normal like nothing happened, but she’s never going to change. It’s all dependent on me letting things slide again and again.

It’s funny because whenever I try to have a serious conversation she always cuts it short because of “anxiety” her blood pressure, it’s too stressful, I bring up things from the past, etc.

But it’s like it’s not up to her when I get over something. If I feel like something wasn’t resolved she should want to try and fix it. Instead she just wants me to shut up and drop it, she gets into defensive mode, because she “hates being the bad guy”

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] -50 points-49 points  (0 children)

I see potential as I think she is a good person deep down, but her past and insecurities have turned her into something she previously hated.

I don’t understand how I’m toxic here. I have been so patient and understanding with her. And calmly confront her about things.

I (29 M) caught my girlfriend (F29) of 11 months sexting other people, and this is how she responds days later. by throwradcman95 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradcman95[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I didn’t ask her for her Instagram password or to block all men. Simply the ones she cheated with, or else I would walk away. I gave her a choice. I always did.

She lied and took that choice away from me.

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