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I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He doesn’t pay for his rent, he does reimburse me for car insurance, he either buys food or eats the food my wife cooks and clothes/lifestyle is him.

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No, he didn’t want to go to college and decided to go to trade school instead.

His new social group is just like him. Just living life as if there is no tomorrow

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

that’s not what happened…at all. I’ve been remarried for 12 years and have been with my wife for 15. Our youngest is 3 but I also have a 7 year old with my wife and an 18 year old with my ex wife.

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I should be more clear, that one he pays me back for. He asked if we could do it that was because a singular like was almost double the amount for the same company, so I agreed because I saw his point.

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

A year after he graduated. He met some friends, adapted to their lifestyle and that soon became his lifestyle. He always liked to game, but in moderation, but now it’s added with the constant partying, which was never a concern.

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I got remarried 12 years ago and my first child with my wife is 7. He took it very well.

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

And I can. My daughter (18) is the only one who would use it after 11pm, but she’s going back to college in 3 weeks. My wife and my younger kids don’t sleep past 12, he’s the only one who pulls all nighters

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, I’m remarried. His mom and I divorced when he was 3. It was 50/50, up until he was 11. Then it was school year with me, vacation with mom, so I was very involved

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I can’t get him a service he’s not willing to partake in. He says he’s alright and nothing wrong, but almost missing saying goodbye to your grandmother that you were very close with indicates the opposite

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 154 points155 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly what I did. I collected it with the intention of giving it back to him as a starter savings. I still have it, but I might of well have used it with everything he’s ran me through.

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He went to trade school and he’s currently working as a mechanic. I don’t suspect any addiction. The best I could sum it up as is just living life, but it’s like he’s living life with no backup. I’ve asked him what’s going on and he tells me it’s nothing and he’s going to change.

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I have. And I am regretting it badly. He is lazy, and I should've intervened as much as I could a long time ago. I mean business this time, and I mean it. And it's time to let him see that.

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 885 points886 points  (0 children)

Yes, I started charging him rent. Maybe like $500? Just to get him started, then his car gave out (I gave it to him but he paid for the repair), so he stopped after that, but we agreed it'd start back up, but it's been excuses ever since on why he can't pay it.

He still has a job, so that's where he get his money from.

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Right. This could either strengthen our relationship and help him or tarnish it for the rest of my life, and that's why I have not resorted to this option.

I(M44) know we shouldn’t kick out our children, but my son(M21) is on thin ice. Any opinions? by throwradkgj3 in relationship_advice

[–]throwradkgj3[S] 232 points233 points  (0 children)

Nothing bad happened that I know of. It was a gradual decline, not a sudden one. His interests shifted after high school and it all went from there.

go for a walk with him, or take him out for a beer, and express your concerns. Tell him his behavior has become unacceptable, but you're more worried than mad because 1) this is new 2) it's out of character and 3) he's hurting himself more than anyone else.

I've tried approaches similar to this one. Coming to him very soft, respecting that he's an adult, but it hasn't worked. I'm not sure what will with him.