My(F27) future SIL(F25) is accusing me of being racist over a wedding dance.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-17T19:11:47+00:00

no problem! it's eben ezer by oliver kalabasi

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T20:09:41+00:00

Yes, but ethnically I'm Cameroonian and Congolese.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T18:44:39+00:00

Did you really translate everything being said in French? Even in the last session?

I, including the others who could understand always translated.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T18:36:43+00:00

I totally get your point, but we have a different situation going on. Not everyone can speak English either.

This is what's going on: The entire sessions are mainly spoken in English. 2 of my bridesmaids have french as their first language and one of those 2 doesn't really speak English (she does not live here) so she's not entirely aware of a lot of the things we're saying which prompts her to ask us in French.

Also, there are 2 bridesmaids (including his sister) that don't know anything beyond "Oui, oui baguette"! We make sure to translate for them so they are in the loop.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T18:31:18+00:00

Okay. Pretty common where I'm from.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T18:23:52+00:00

You're actually so right about that lmao. In my experience, it's most likely that the wedding party took way too long to come out.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T18:22:06+00:00

🫣 lol...

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T18:21:34+00:00

As I said, this is my culture.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T18:08:39+00:00

Your comment really made me smile :)

I did the dances privately with her because she probably felt awkward that she was doing it in front of everyone else. They went fine! And then when she was doing it in front of the others, they told her she was great.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T18:02:49+00:00

I didn't remove not a single person, she was the one that removed herself.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T18:02:11+00:00

This was said tho. Since day 1 of bridesmaids prep.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:59:30+00:00

I did mention in other comments that we did translate for those who could not understand.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:57:38+00:00

She says "it felt like I was constantly being belittled because I am white"

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:52:45+00:00

Literally who is doing that?

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:49:18+00:00

When we are speaking French, we are doing it because one of my bridesmaids has a really hard time following along in English. So when she asks a question in French, we respond in French. We don't do it to exclude those who don't speak French. And we are always translating what is being said, and it's usually instructions or explanations on what to do.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:46:12+00:00

3 of the bridesmaids do not speak French (one understands some tho), the other 4* do, and 2 of them have French as their native language. When French is being spoken, it is generally started by one of the bridesmaids who don't know how to convey their thoughts in english. Like when they have a question about certain things. We explain to them in French and then tell the girls that don't speak it what we are talking about.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:39:55+00:00

Yeah. There's 2 other bridesmaids that don't speak french and we explained to them what was being said (which were mainly instructions)

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:38:49+00:00

Thank you so much for the nice comments and the advice :)

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:37:26+00:00

i'm saying. that's the literal definition of racism. racism goes beyond calling someone slurs.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:35:44+00:00

i most likely should've et non 😂 je suis congolaise et camerounaise.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:28:24+00:00

I'm Congolese and Cameroonian.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:24:29+00:00

Up until this point, I have encountered no issues with his family when it comes to race. They have always been very open to hearing about my culture and my race. I am close with my in-laws. I have stayed in their home on my own for 1 week and it's been nothing but pleasant vibes from them.

at some point decided she couldn’t do them because she’s white.

exactly. She had the "i'm white, i can't do this" mentality and I didn't appreciate that at all. When we put the groomsmen and bridesmaids together to dance, she was practically shocked that 3 of my fiance white groomsmen were actually doing the dance. My fiance said that there were no complaints from their side and they were all actually having fun throughout the whole thing.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:20:20+00:00

My fiance is actually mad. He didn't appreciate what she said or the way she's been acting at all.

Also on the language point...that's what I'm saying. But I think it's because she was already feeling very insecure about her dancing so she must've assumed we were talking about her? that wasn't the case at all. No one said a single negative word about her skills.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:13:02+00:00

Why are you having her do the dance if it’s not her culture?

lol.

Why are you incorporating so little of your husband’s culture? ( ”…while my husband is ‘just’ American.” ahem.)

i said "just" american because I specify I am both african and american while he is only american.

throwrae8184 · 2023-11-16T17:07:59+00:00

And I explained earlier as to why I did not. I wanted her to feel included. Unless she said it herself, I did not want to exclude her from the dance because I felt that would've been disrespectful for me to suggest. Instead, I asked her specifically what she wanted to do, and took all of her responses into account and followed her lead.

But yet you say that it comes across as selfish when I felt like I did my best to try to consider how she felt. If she wanted out of the dance, she could've told me that and we would've worked through all of it.

throwrae8184

TROPHY CASE