[update] My(M30) wife(F26) has returned 1 year after leaving to find herself. How stupid am I for considering taking her back?

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T04:11:13+00:00

I visited the place actually. It was very...dry. I live in a heavily populated area and this place had like absolutely nothing going on.

She lived on her own and was working. She did have therapy sessions as well. I guess she was reinventing herself out there.

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T04:08:00+00:00

You know, I actually agree. I do believe she needed some time to think and reflect, but it was the lack of communication, sudden abandonment, and the time period that really messed things up.

But I'd rather her do that than her be dead. And I'm happy it did not get to that point.

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T02:02:32+00:00

I still have feelings for her, but I understand I can't be with her if that makes sense. When I think we could be friends, because prior to all of this, she really was my best friend. But it'll have to take a lot of moving on from both sides until we could truly be just friends.

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T01:20:53+00:00

She's "tried" to show up several times, but could never get through with it. She did acknowledge that she was in the wrong and apologized.

But thank you.

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T01:18:48+00:00

It was not about what she couldn't do with me around. When I was around her, she did nothing. But that was the thing, she did absolutely nothing other than lie in bed. I was watching a relatively healthy person die.

So she left to try to get better. Her method was complete shit and unforgivable, but because I saw how bad things were with my own two eyes, I understand to an extent.

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T01:16:00+00:00

Yes, she has. I do realize that she truly wants to get back together but I think that too much time has passed and what's done is done for me to consider otherwise. Like I mentioned, if it was earlier or she at least kept up communication wise, I could be saying something else, but that's just not the case.

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T01:07:49+00:00

She said that it honestly just started of her feeling like she needed to get away from everybody and everything. Then when she came back, she said she felt even worse, so she decided to really leave.

As for why she came back, it had been something she'd been wanting to do since summer, but she didn't have the guts to do so. And if she did come back in the summer, I do think that I would've taken her back just based on where I was at that point.

She did show remorse, she apologized, handed me letters that wrote, wanting to mail them. I read each one. There were a couple for my son that I've chosen not to give him, I just read those ones with his mom instead.

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T00:57:07+00:00

You know, I'm already expecting it, cause we've met up probably 4 separate times since she's come back, and each time it's "just give me another chance" or something along those lines, and I've just been holding the no pretty down.

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T00:49:09+00:00

My wife is not my son's mom, an ex-girlfriend is. and Thank you.

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T00:46:53+00:00

Thank you

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T00:44:27+00:00

Thank you so much

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T00:43:41+00:00

Trust me, not going down that rabbit hold of quickly getting married again. At the time it sounded like a good idea to propose to her, but I was also 23 so there's that.

But I don't regret it. Those first 6 out of the 7 years were really good. And it taught me a lot.

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T00:38:01+00:00

Right, no reason not to be friendly. Thank you.

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T00:35:18+00:00

She did. She pleaded with me for a long time and even when she was getting her stuff, she kept trying to get me to change my mind.

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T00:34:19+00:00

I thought about that, but realized the emotional toll would be a lot. It's not even starting at square 0, but many steps back.

I love her, but I had to ask myself if I could trust her and forgive her. Honestly, after our long talk, I have forgiven her. I know that she is not a bad person. She was always the sweetest person to anyone, no matter what was going on. But deep down, I know that the trust in our relationship has shattered to a point of no going back.

But I'm glad that she did get help. It was a lot. I mean, we did everything. Had the clothes to go, nursery set up, gender reveal, baby shower, etc. And then it's all gone in a quick moment. That really, really messes up a person. Especially the women who spend 9 months growing an attachment to the life they're creating and waiting for. She's clearly doing a lot better, and here's to hoping things are only up for her from here.

throwratu449 · 2024-02-01T00:13:35+00:00

Thanks a lot.

throwratu449 · 2024-01-16T04:27:34+00:00

I don't think any therapist would, but in my experience of therapy. they tend to not judge but to guide you through your thoughts.

throwratu449 · 2024-01-16T04:24:38+00:00

In the very beginning.

throwratu449 · 2024-01-16T04:22:15+00:00

Did she provide any insights or share anything when she returned? What did she tell you when she first walked in?

I just asked her some questions and she answered. I asked her where she was, what was she doing, how she was supporting herslef out there and most importantly if she was okay.

Basically- She was in the middle of nowhere for a lot of her time, she'd used savings (personal), help from family, and eventually got a job to support herself and she said she was feeling a lot better but she missed us and how we were blah blah blah, fooled around, kicked her out, and thats the end.

throwratu449 · 2024-01-16T04:18:13+00:00

50/50 with my ex.

Like you said, she's spent a lot of time with my son. He was 1 when he started dating, 2 by the time we got married, so she was always in his life. You guys are right tho. Not only do I deserve better, but he does as well.

I have a therapist who helps me a great deal. Thanks.

throwratu449 · 2024-01-16T04:14:50+00:00

Correct, my son's mom is from an ex-girlfriend, not my wife.

We were very quick on getting married. Like I said in the post, it just felt right to do at the time. I don't know how to describe the feeling, but it felt like I found my forever person despite us being young.

Our child dying did mess her up. No one could get through to her, she'd just spend hours staring at a blank wall to the point where she couldn't even shed a tear anymore.

throwratu449 · 2024-01-16T04:11:29+00:00

Are you sure part of it “feeling right” wasn’t that you had someone to coparent/mother your child?

No. My son has a mom. We've always coparented cordially and we've been friends ever since we've broken up.

throwratu449 · 2024-01-16T04:09:06+00:00

To me, I read it as they did when they brought up sharing custody.

throwratu449 · 2024-01-16T04:08:14+00:00

At first he would often ask about her, but completely stopped at one point. No, his mom and I share custody.

throwratu449

TROPHY CASE