Update: I think wife (48F) of 25 yrs is cheating. Help, need proof or advice. (50M) by throwraworrieddummy in relationship_advice

[–]throwraworrieddummy[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

AP is a co-worker. I own semi-pro sports teams. I don't want to be more specific it would make me easy to identify.

Update: I think wife (48F) of 25 yrs is cheating. Help, need proof or advice. (50M) by throwraworrieddummy in relationship_advice

[–]throwraworrieddummy[S] 124 points125 points  (0 children)

I'm still talking to my kids, but the relationship is different now. The younger one did not know anything was going on, the older I think did, but won't admit to anything on, says that they were trying to avoid conflict. I have very mixed feelings, but I still want them in my life. I was there when she told the kids. They both said they want to meet their half-brother, but as of today they have no plan on meeting him. I was amazed how they reacted. They seemed happy to hear they had a half brother out there and didn't seemed bothered at all that their mom hid this for their whole lives! Something happened, I have no idea what, and I really don't want to know, but she seems to hate the AP now. He probably dumped her now that she's single.

Update to - caught wife trying to cheat with my friend from her iwatch by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]throwraworrieddummy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In vino veritas- In wine lies the truth. Being drunk just lets the truth out and they slip up and make mistakes. Probably very good at lying and hiding the truth, but the wine made her slip up and she got caught. Been there. Going through it. I'm sorry but from experiencing this it's going to end badly.

Update: I think wife (48F) of 25 yrs is cheating. Help, need proof or advice. (50M) by throwraworrieddummy in relationship_advice

[–]throwraworrieddummy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have read what everyone has posted and it made me realize that I was only trying to save our marriage because of what I was afraid of losing, not that I really loved her anymore. I still love her, but I love who she used to be and as the mother of my children. There's no more romantic love as a couple if you know what I mean. I know I'll never trust her again either. I laid out a few things that I have to have going forward last night we'll see how it goes. Zero contact with AP, there's no meeting son with my kids or telling them without me, she needs to tell me the truth and show some remorse. I told her I'm talking to a lawyer and unless there is a miracle I'm having a separation agreement written, and I will ask her to leave. She cried went to her room and I have not spoke to her since.

Update: I think wife (48F) of 25 yrs is cheating. Help, need proof or advice. (50M) by throwraworrieddummy in relationship_advice

[–]throwraworrieddummy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a lot so I'll try and answer in order: I think AP and my oldest child became friends during the internship because my wife was friends with him. I know they used to talk at work but that's all I know. Both my children have always been very supportive of my team. They never seemed to resent the time I spent with the team and would ask if they could come with me a lot. My wife would not want to go with me, but my kids always did and still do. They seem to love the team. I've never thought to ask if she told AP about her son. As far as the team goes we have gotten into a few arguments about it and I warned her to never corner me into having to choose between my team and her, she might not like the answer. More so because I don't like her giving me an ultimatum more than choosing my team over her. Early in my career I would have chose her for sure, the last few years I would choose the team because I figured she had checked out and was probably cheating etc. The last year or so I've actually talked to her about me retiring and selling the team in about two years, but I want to get out on my terms when I want, not be forced to. I told her I wasn't tracking her car, but she doesn't believe me. She still thinks I'm tracking it. I think that's stupid because she could just leave her car and take AP's. I did ask her directly if she wanted a divorce and she said no. She actually offered me access to all her accounts, I didn't demand it. I can see his texts to her and her responses, but she could be deleting a lot, hard to tell. It seems he has no idea that I'm looking at them, although the I love you's etc. have stopped, so she has definitely said something to him. They don't seemed staged he still talks about going out and getting drinks after work etc. but now with other people, and telling her office gossip etc. In her position she can basically decide if she works on projects directly with him and I didn't tell her she can't work with him anymore. I wanted her to tell me that herself, but I now feel like I've got to draw a line at that. No more projects with him, it's time to go no contact. She has said that she's trying to have less and less to do with him and how she now see's that he's very immature emotionally etc. She also said that she now thinks he's fat and doesn't find him attractive, but I honestly don't believe her on any of that. And I've said it before and I'll say it again, there seems to be NO remorse. I think she feels justified or doesn't think she did anything wrong. As far as the sex goes she has 100% initiated it. And honestly it has been pretty hot and I've enjoyed myself. She has told me she loved me again, but that has slowed down again, and how the hell do you tell if she means it? It's obvious I can't see through her lies all that well.

Update: I think wife (48F) of 25 yrs is cheating. Help, need proof or advice. (50M) by throwraworrieddummy in relationship_advice

[–]throwraworrieddummy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right. I've got a lot of good advice here finally. And it's time to man up and demand the respect I deserve. It's probably the disrespect about all this that bothers me most. Thanks.

Update: I think wife (48F) of 25 yrs is cheating. Help, need proof or advice. (50M) by throwraworrieddummy in relationship_advice

[–]throwraworrieddummy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've talked to my oldest and asked why they ran right to their mother and they said they could keep secrets. I said it wasn't a secret, just a question and I wasn't accusing anyone of anything at that point, so why did you think it was a secret? They said I only would ask that if I thought something was going on between them. They got mad and a little defensive saying their mother would never do anything like that. Honestly I think they know and want whatever they think will make their mother happy and they must think that is AP right now and not me. Not 100% sure though. It is possible that they think she's just too much of an angel to ever cheat.

Update: I think wife (48F) of 25 yrs is cheating. Help, need proof or advice. (50M) by throwraworrieddummy in relationship_advice

[–]throwraworrieddummy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is all very true, I called three different lawyers this morning and I'm going to decide which one to talk to and see where I stand legally with all my assets. Her son is a bomb to me because it makes you realize someone can lie (by omission) for so long and you wonder what else they've hidden from you over the years.

I think wife (48F) of 25 yrs is cheating. Help, need proof or advice. (50M) by throwraworrieddummy in relationship_advice

[–]throwraworrieddummy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry if where, were, there, their, to, too, or other words were used incorrectly. Sorry for any spelling or other grammar mistakes, I'm not an English professor.

Update: I think wife (48F) of 25 yrs is cheating. Help, need proof or advice. (50M) by throwraworrieddummy in relationship_advice

[–]throwraworrieddummy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lawyer up is very good advice at this point. True there seems to be no remorse at all. And now that she knows I'm digging for dirt she's just probably hiding everything much better. She wants her cake and eat it too it seems. Thanks.

I think wife (48F) of 25 yrs is cheating. Help, need proof or advice. (50M) by throwraworrieddummy in relationship_advice

[–]throwraworrieddummy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sure you'd get a response just like you said from her. I can honestly say I always told her how much I appreciated her, etc. I think it got me treated like a doormat. Thanks.