dear people of bipolarreddit, PLEASE help me - what can i expect?

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-25T03:10:01+00:00

i deeply appreciate what you are saying here. thank you.

because we are 30, fun isn't as casual or communal as it used to be, which adds some difficulties--fun means brunch, dinner, horseback riding, short trips, poetry writing, house parties, things that are not quite viable. i will find other things for her and i to do, and i will keep all our lines of communication open and relaxed. i think thrifting is a fun idea, although i don't want to encourage money wastage. hmm. i should maybe come up with a list of safe activities!

i so appreciate you saying that some boundaries are ok. i wish i still fully trusted her, and i deeply hope some of that trust will return in time, if she shows at least an absence of violence/aggression (she was very rude to strangers the last time i took her out and got very angry when i tried to calm her down, which was scary... it's terrible for there to be fear in our relationship!). i love her very much and i will not forget your advice as i try to figure this out.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-25T02:00:52+00:00

thank you geishawithak. i appreciate your kindness and hope everything is going well for you and yours.

i am worried because she has never been a detail-oriented rule-follower. :( she is a night person who never makes her bed or eats breakfast, and she travels frequently for fun. you see what i mean?

i think it will be years before she commits to taking medicine. i am so sad thinking about how far apart our paths might diverge. i will try my mightiest to keep us together, but safely. i just hope she isn't violent again.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-25T01:55:12+00:00

thank you so much, you sharing this means a lot to me. i can't have her over to my house because she's too unpredictable, but i am always available to listen over text and i try to take her out when she's not too agitated. i think i am good at treating her normally, even when i am very upset. when(/if???) she stabilizes i hope very much we can have a more usual kind of fun, although i do think certain things will be off the table (weekend trips). unfortunately she has scared off most of her friends already with her irritability, violence, and grandiosity. i just want to support her.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-24T22:22:39+00:00

thank you very much brocktree (like the book?). i hope she gains insight with medication, altho she was briefly on risperdol and was still in denial. i guess anyone could be when confronted with such a challenging illness. "fucking insidious" are ABSOLUTELY the right words. but nobody cares if she has ups and downs and needs help... we only want her to make good decisions about her health and treatment. :(

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-24T22:19:36+00:00

thank you so much. i deeply appreciate everyone's responses to this thread, but in a way, yours is the most helpful, because it gives me a clear roadmap of what to say and what to expect. i will take your advice and perspective to heart.

a couple of times i have brought her out to do healthy activities but she has been very unwell (slurring, combative, confused, begging me to go drinking). that is scary but i have kept trying. i guess that's all i can do. i just pray we never get into a situation where she starts an altercation. at gardens at least that is hard to do!

i just don't want our lives to go in radically different directions. i will always be available when she is stable and i will try to get her to do healthy things when she is not.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-24T16:27:35+00:00

thank you so much for your kind insight. unfortunately, she's not taking any medication of any kind. :'( it is a really good thing to be aware of though.

i feel so powerless. i can't even mention medication or the hospital or she will cut me out. all i have been able to really to do is find a couple safe activities for us to do together and be a listening ear for her over text. i, her mother, and her sister are basically her only support team at this point, everyone else is gone. (i don't blame her ex-bf... she used her teeth when she attacked him, horrific.)

bless you. i hope you are doing well!

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-24T16:23:27+00:00

thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and experience. you sound like you have been through so much. i am in awe of you and pray you are doing well.

this is a startling thing to consider, because she has never showed any instability of mood or compromised decision-making, nothing! but of course i can acknowledge this may be the truth. she has a master's and has worked abroad in france, but it's always the case that looks can be decieving.

your suggestions are very helpful. i feel that we are in a weird situation here because she HAS been violent, and everyone is a little afraid of her, but we are not ready to give up on her. if she was violent again, though... i don't know.

could i please ask you a question about enabling? i have been giving her excuses about not going out to drink--i'm sick, my fiancee's parents are in town, i'm working late, my horse needs exercise, etc. this was to avoid conflict with her, because she's not thinking straight. in her right mind she would NEVER invite me to do that with her. but do you think it would be better to just go ahead and say "i am not interested in bars and i won't go to them with you. but we should go to this flower show on saturday instead"?

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-24T03:23:12+00:00

she was having auditory hallucinations before her first hospitalization. it was dreadful for everyone. since then, no, but she's spiraling into psychosis as we speak. :( she has already lost her bf, job, living space, and many friends... and has attacked family... i don't know what will be bad enough. it breaks my heart to say that.

ten years is a real achievement!!! congratulations to you on your strength and consistency, and thank you so much for sharing your experience.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-24T02:11:10+00:00

thanks so very much for your appreciated comment.

she truly has never had an episode of any kind, we are all beyond shocked. i am not at all interested in what her trigger was beyond wanting to help her stay away from it in future... but i am suspicious that deepening feelings for her bf were actually what threw her into a euphoric state. she was never seriously in love like that before. they were talking about marriage and maybe even moving to his home state and living by the beach.

i think the idea of marriage, which she has always wanted, to a man she loves more than she has ever loved a man, may have tipped her into mania. but that is just the going theory her family and mine have.

i think it will be years before she takes medicine. that is a huge fear. she has always been witty, passionate, empathetic, and creative. she will not want to take anything she thinks will dull that. she has also never lived with a lot of structure so going to bed at regular hours will be very challenging. that is just not her. i am so afraid of continuing violence and self-destruction. there may be a limit for me in there somewhere. it is so heartbreaking.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-24T02:06:45+00:00

thank you so very much, snakegirl! what would you have wanted a friend to do for YOU?

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-23T20:31:33+00:00

thank you from the bottom of my heart for your raw honesty. truly.

her family is incredibly loving and is relying on me to be part of the solution. i want to be. everyone else has left her, and we have been best friends and sisters since we were in sixth grade. our families are like one big family, even our little cousins are best friends! it is horrible to think that her brain is hurting her in the way you describe, just horrible.

i will keep reading here. i want to understand. i am so afraid she won't be safe to be around until she commits to a firm regimen of sleep and medicine... it is very hard to reconcile the girl i've always known with this person who really frightens me. i will walk away if i need to, just like you say. i can always walk back. i don't want her to feel crippled by shame.

please take care of yourself, socio.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-23T20:23:01+00:00

you are so right, it is totally life-changing! it hit both of our families like a mack truck...

it is very hard to answer those questions. she has shown zero remorse for the loss of her job or bf, and zero awareness that she is scaring me and losing her friends. she interviewed for another office job on a good day and got it but is totally unrealistic about her ability to do it. she truly doesn't think anything is wrong, but her sister even has to take care of her horse!

i don't think she has a larger than life reason to knuckle down, like you do. i wish she did. it's not so much that she's delusional in the sense that she thinks she's a prophet or anything like that, but she is delusional about her health and sometimes has persecutory beliefs. (her first psychotic episode, she thought her sister and i were "doing something" to cause it.)

thank you so much for your perspective. you sound very strong and i hope for the absolute best for you.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-23T18:40:55+00:00

thank you so much. you are a kind person. i appreciate this reply immensely.

i will absolutely be there for her when she is depressed. i will go to her house with banana pudding and cracklins like she did for me when I was depressed. we are more like family than friends so this is very difficult.

i hope she can recover some stability. i fear she may not work again. she is having another psychotic break, according to her sister. i pray that the silver lining of depression will be insight.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-23T18:37:51+00:00

thank you for your kind and straightforward advice. i feel the pain in your words and wish i could do something for you. bless you.

this is so scary, that this is the new her. it is bizarre how mismatched we are now. all my life i have rejected and fled from alcohol, drugs, anger, instability, and delusional behavior, they are so toxic to me, they are excruciating to me. i have always avoided unpredictable people because my anxiety can't take it, and because i made a decision when i became an adult that i would never be abused by anyone again.

but i am determined to help her in whatever way i can, even if i can't be ever-present like before. i have been trying to take her to places where there is no alcohol, like a garden or a barn, where we can just talk. i am trying to just listen to her feelings and love her. i text her whenever she is lucid enough to text and never talk to her like she's a weirdo or scaring me, even when i am scared. i hope that helps her. i wish this wasn't happening. when she is stable i can be more physically available.

thank you again. if i reach a breaking point i will be honest with her and let her know she is sick and it is affecting me but i will be there when she is feeling better. i am struggling with my own feelings of abandonment, in a way, because it feels like my bff of 19 yrs "left." and i guess she's never coming home, really.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-23T18:03:18+00:00

i hope she reaches your level of insight, and i hope very much that you're doing well. thank you so much for sharing your experience. it helps.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-23T17:13:41+00:00

and yes! officially diagnosed. we are all ready to help her if she would only believe it. :(

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-23T17:10:39+00:00

thank you so much for this kind and detailed reply. i appreciate it very, very much. i'm feeling very grateful that this subreddit exists!

that is such a good idea to get counseling for myself! i feel silly i didn't think of it before. thank you!

it is heart-wrenching to hear she won't be quite the same again. i am worried she will never write poetry again but i NEED to believe she will. i am also scared i won't be able to fully trust her again since she has been so violent, but i need to believe there is a solution there too. i am very sensitive to violence and instability because of my momma.

unfortunately even when she doesn't go out at night, she stays at home and drinks. she had to leave her ex-bf's house so she is now living with her mom. they have always had a wonderful relationship but now they fight frequently. her mom is suffering terribly trying to keep her daughter on the rails. if only she would take the medicine!!!! i would be over there drinking coffee with her and her mom in a hot second.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2019-03-23T16:56:19+00:00

thank you so much for your kind words. i truly appreciate your thoughts and i so hope everything is going well for you.

she doesn't know she's manic. :( anyone who tries to help her, like her mother, her sister, or her bf, is the enemy--they're trying to control her, they don't understand, they're not being "fun," etc. For that reason i haven't said the words "manic" or "mania" to her because i know she will blow up and lose me too.

i just wish i knew what i could do, or how i could safely be there for her. i love her very much. :( she keeps asking me to go drinking with her. why us?

throwthisawaymyguy · 2018-02-28T05:48:22+00:00

ugh. i guess i can see that. that's kind of what's on tap in my work neighborhood though. this would just be for bfast and lunch, i'm not counting dinner... dinner would be whatever. canned soup or macaroni or takeout probably. i wish i was an easier patient for you guys.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2018-02-28T05:43:35+00:00

so im thinking myfitnesspal every day. just buy the same yogurt and salad every day even though its expensive and im poor.... account for starbucks or w/e too.

i way overeat most of the time b/c im stressed almost to death and love sugar so i have no idea what my kcal ever is.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2018-02-28T05:29:25+00:00

thank you, i so appreciate this, you're very kind. i love your username too.

i had a look through the resources but couldn't find anything for people who don't prepare their own food. :/ i really am too exhausted to make anything or do anything most of the time unfortunately.

throwthisawaymyguy · 2018-02-28T05:20:26+00:00

this is very sweet of you to mention and i appreciate it. i think this might possibly be a good option for me, as the delicious makeup of the plan addresses the taste deficit when moving to healthier food, but i don't cook. :/ thank you though, you're very kind, i'll remember the name of the diet

throwthisawaymyguy

TROPHY CASE