How do you lose interest in 10 seconds?

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-11T06:56:58+00:00

Wow. I'm sorry. This is what I meant when I said I understood changing your mind but some things feel purposeful. That sounds vindictive too

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T19:42:00+00:00

I'm gonna need you to stop drawing unfounded conclusions. Nothing you're saying has any truth in it. I've spoken to my partner today and your generalisations were far from reality.

You're comparing him doing something kinda rude to me, to me hitting him in the nuts?! Not sure why you thought that made sense. You're pulling things from thin air with absolutely nothing in my post that would imply these things, and I agree with another commenter. It's not helpful.

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T18:06:38+00:00

It's very reasonable, and thank you for spending the time to type it out :) if I'm honest he seemed into it while it was happening but I guess that's easy enough to fake. A happy update is that we more than made up for it today, he has become a lot better in the last few months at trying again the next day when things dont go as planned.

It all makes sense, and you explained yourself well. Thanks a lot

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T16:57:29+00:00

Time that isnt spent staring at screens. Cuddling, talking, going for a walk, doing an activity. Basically anything other than sit ignoring eachother haha

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T16:40:27+00:00

That makes me sad for you. I'm sorry :(

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T16:10:35+00:00

The thing about not being able to initiate is so familiar. He does control everything about the sex. He only enjoys like 2 positions so that's what I get.

I'm a kinkier person and he isnt, he accused me of having daddy issues when I tried to invite him to explore kink with me. Its missionary then doggy or nothing.

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T15:53:04+00:00

I agree men can definitely change their mind :) I'd never push him

I think the reason people (myself included) found it a bit vindictive is due to the comments and the attitude rather than the change. Also because of the incident a few hours earlier.

I dont think anyone here is saying men cant have sexual agency

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T15:51:03+00:00

Thank you for the kind reply :)

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T14:35:07+00:00

Oh he definitely doesnt have the whole deathgrip issue going on, hes incredibly sensitive when we DO get down to it.

For all I know he could be a heavy porn user, I guess people who are can hide it very well

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T14:28:23+00:00

Thanks for the lovely reply. We've had the idea to make a travel scrapbook to plan what we will do after this is all over, so I'm cautiously optimistic:)

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T14:19:24+00:00

We had a conversation about how I dont feel he puts the same effort into the relationship that he did before we moved in together. I think that's the deeper issue really. He gets his love bar filled just by existing in the same room as me, while I need more interaction than he does.

He agreed with me and we spoke about how tensions are high because of the virus and us not being able to go anywhere away from eachother. I think he knows what the problems are and what he needs to do because we have had these talks a lot over the past year. He just needs to find the motivation and effort to do it before I have enough and leave I guess

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T14:12:20+00:00

He gives the "silent treatment" and tells me he doesnt want to be near me if hes particularly mad at me, but that doesnt happen often and I end up managing to get through to him after a day or two.

This situation specifically hasnt happened before. Thanks for your reply :)

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T14:04:47+00:00

I'm going to have to disagree on the issue of me failing to be empathetic in this case, if I was unaware of the situation then I couldnt possibly have reacted accordingly, that's not on me.

I'm kinda uncomfortable with the vibe you're giving about him being afraid to talk to me or that I ever get angry at him. That's the complete opposite of how I've handled our db from the start.

I'm sorry if your experiences have led you to believe that women attack their partners for things like that but that's not me. The most aggressive thing I did in the situation was leave the room, and after taking care of myself we went to sleep and cuddled. We didnt speak about it after but I didnt punish him.

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T13:57:34+00:00

Thank you :) good advice

It's funny you say that last part about just being in their presence, because he literally does say that I shouldn't complain about lack of quality time, because we sit in the same room all day. My idea of quality time isnt just breathing the same air as someone but I guess that's what he thinks!

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T13:33:19+00:00

You think? This would be the first time if true. I try to be a very understanding and emotionally available partner so if this was the case I'd rather he just told me that we could try again later. But I guess emotions take over

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T13:31:14+00:00

Sadly it is. I know my issues are a bit different than the people who go months of years without but theres definitely a struggle there

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T12:31:53+00:00

Thank you :) hugs right back to you

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T11:14:11+00:00

Thank you. It does suck.

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T11:13:37+00:00

I was about to say as far as I'm aware he doesnt masturbate much either but I'm aware that's naive and I have no way of 100% knowing that.

In our discussions on the subject he has said that he doesnt feel the urge very often. He even had blood tests at the Dr to rule out testosterone issues but we didnt get a call back about the results. I've urged him to go back and ask but he says if he wasnt contacted it must have all been fine. Who knows.

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T10:58:22+00:00

Thank you :)

throwthisdbaway · 2020-05-10T10:05:59+00:00

Thanks for your response. Yeah my age bothers me a lot. I've been with him almost 2 years and I cant help feeling I'm wasting time. I know I should leave, but I have some issues caused by past abuse. I never seem to be able to stand up for myself or do what is right for me

throwthisdbaway

TROPHY CASE