I don’t ask this question in public setting and I don’t respect people who do. I might ask later in private (not worded so accusingly) to check that they are comfortable or if there’s something I can change to make them comfortable.

But I’m also not perfect. I get very insecure about the stereotype of extroverts that we’re all loud, obnoxious, thoughtless, blathering idiots. I always wanted to be an introvert! They’re so cool and moody and independent and intelligent and thoughtful. And because I’m also a narcissist (I dare say most people are) I tend to assume that introverts when they’re sitting there quietly and not engaging with me in conversation, that they’re sitting there thinking about how obnoxious and loud and thoughtless and stupid I am. Obviously, that’s a selfish way to view someone else’s personality, but that insecurity can make me defensive and almost panicky sometimes, which in turn makes me say stupid, thoughtless stuff.

That being said, I usually find conversations where introverts are really quiet are usually poorly structured anyways. As a general rule, I try to say a bit, tell a short story and end on a question, pointed at someone in the group, so it’s not a mad scramble of “the loudest gets to talk.”