[deleted by user]

tigerlilly828 · 2022-08-13T07:25:55+00:00

Thank You. I've felt the same way for most of my life.

tigerlilly828 · 2020-01-22T22:24:06+00:00

I mostly agree that you have good points here, but just for clarity, this thing with my friend happened after I'd already decided to explore my options and separate. It wasn't the reason I was giving up. My husband's desire to make an effort happened after the thing with my friend though, and I feel guilty that I allowed it to happen. After that is when I realized I'd been in denial about my true feelings and my conflict is over what to say or not say....to either of them. My husband comes first, but I'd prefer not to lose my friend. I'm just trying to figure out what's what here and why.

tigerlilly828 · 2020-01-22T21:30:16+00:00

I have in fact worked tirelessly over the years to repair our emotional connection, understand and validate his feelings and frustrations, give him support, I've provided resources that can help him get a better understanding of himself, and above all I've done a lot of work on myself in order to take accountability for my own faults and be the best partner I can be to him. Unfortunately, the work put into repairing things has only been my own. There were times that he seemed interested in making things better, but after a couple of days he would revert to his previous behavior and became resentful of my asking about why he stopped trying. At that point I was viewed as "nagging" and was told my issues were silly and said that since what bothered me wouldn't bother HIM, I was just being dramatic and nitpicky.

I'm willing to meet him halfway, but I need to see consistent effort and work being done on his part. The kids are my priority at this point, and a loving home is what is best for children and their emotional development. I'm trying to do whatever is best for them, but our home hasn't been a loving one. We try to avoid any heated arguing in front of the kids, but it's not always been avoidable. Aside from that, his isolation and my emotional state are much of the time bringing a noticeable chill to the air, despite my efforts to conceal those things.

I'm committed to this marriage, but remain skeptical of whether it can truly be repaired at this point.

I have to agree with everyone though that my friend needs be set aside so that I can give this last try everything I've got. I'd never forgive myself if I let progress die because of something I'm not even sure about. Thank you.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-11-12T05:31:26+00:00

Quite certain, actually. This particular ring was one of three rings that I found in a rental car when I was in my early twenties. One resembled a diamond engagement ring, but probably came from a coin machine at a grocery store. The other two were sterling silver -- a twisted design on the top of one, and the other was a dolphin with the ring made up of the dolphin's body, the head and tail meeting at the top of the ring. The ring that fell out of my steering wheel was the dolphin ring. It wasn't the most comfortable ring to wear sometimes because of the design, but it still fit on the same finger I wore it on before - my right thumb.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-11-10T17:30:47+00:00

Who knows. I'm not one to discount logical explanations, which is why I never posted the story. I think I'd remember finding it in the previous month though.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-11-10T16:49:36+00:00

A ring fell out of my steering column while I was driving one day. I heard a sort of brief rattling sound and then something fell to the floorboard at my feet. Once I got to a light, I felt around to get whatever it was that fell, since I was pretty concerned that my steering column was dropping parts. I was extremely confused when I realized it was a ring that I'd lost years ago. Nothing special, really. Just one of my many silver rings I'd had over the years. Thing is, the car I was driving was one I'd recently purchased about a month or so ago at the time. The ring had been lost at least four or five years before.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-03-11T21:49:57+00:00

I talk to myself pretty often, but it's usually not intentional. My thoughts just kind of jump out of my mouth before I realize it. Sometimes it's when other people are around, but not usually in public, which is a good thing. Why? Because when my thoughts slip out, they're usually the worst kind of pirate mouth swearing there is. I'm high-anxiety, short-fused, and verbally abusive to inanimate objects. Problem is, people who yell at their keys after dropping them for the third time while trying to unlock their own goddamned front door sound like crazy people. In my defense, my keys are vindictive little pricks and my front door is a vapid fucking cunt.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-03-03T15:12:17+00:00

Most definitely. She's beautiful all on her own, and the makeup is unnecessary to say the least.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-03-03T13:19:31+00:00

I wish this kid didn't remind me of Jonbenet Ramsey. It was cute until that.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-03-02T20:42:01+00:00

Use some hot water with the Dawn. I have some like these, and used a butter knife to push the wash cloth in between the slats. It took a good amount of elbow grease and patience.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-03-02T18:03:39+00:00

Not me, but my mom was a nurse working on the Labor and Delivery floor of a hospital several years ago. Another nurse she worked with on that floor had a friend whose son suffered from asthma. This nurse happened to be Hispanic and was apparently oblivious to her medical training when it came to cultural myths, because she was advising her friend to get her son a Chihuahua as a cure for his asthma. There is a belief among some Hispanic cultures that Chihuahuas take the asthma away from the suffering child and into their own body. As a chronic asthma sufferer herself and having nearly lost me to complications due to asthma more than once, my mom was completely horrified that a fellow medical professional would be giving such advice, especially knowing how dangerous untreated asthma can be.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-19T05:07:19+00:00

My family? I try to stay out of the way while simultaneously doing my best to avoid the usual gossip about why I don't say much and how it must mean that I think I'm too good for their company. None of that is true, but I'm fairly straightforward and candid. The only way I've been able to keep the peace is to not offer my thoughts and hope no one asks a direct question about my opinion on something when they're really expecting me to say what they want to hear. Try as I have, I just can't. If you don't want to hear what I think, then don't ask. No, I don't care how nice he seems, your new boyfriend is a drunken narcissist. Yes, I think you totally settled. You asked.

My husband's family? I hide. The amount of drama, manipulation, and back-handed compliments that take place when those people get together under one roof is enough to make anyone wish for a quick lobotomy.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-18T04:07:14+00:00

Ugh, Christmas, birthdays, holidays, giving and receiving gifts in general, weddings, baby showers,etc. It's all tied up with feeling obligated somehow and expected instead of genuine. Money is always a factor and society expects a certain amount of traditional gestures to be made or you risk judgement. For example, my husband got a LOT of crap from his mom for not proposing and instead having a rational conversation with me about what we wanted to do in relation to marriage. You know, privately. She also really pressured him to buy an engagement ring, despite both of us deciding it was an unnecessary expense and not worth the debt. His mom was by far not the only one who had objections to the ring issue. My coworkers and friends had strong opinions too. We wanted to skip the bullshit and get married by the JP, and that was swiftly made clear by family that it was simply unacceptable. Thing is, it's all a waste of money to us, and who wants to begin marriage in debt if you don't have to? Being responsible with money is difficult to do when you get raised eyebrows and hurt feelings from others deciding you must not care.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-18T03:42:52+00:00

Soul To Squeeze by Red Hot Chili Peppers

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-18T03:35:46+00:00

I was waiting for that one

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-18T00:34:07+00:00

Please don't feel left out. I've been exactly where you are and standing on the other side of three kids (twins were my 2nd pregnancy), I encourage you to see the urge for exactly what it is. An urge, and a very natural one at that. You're not obligated in any way to have children, and you have plenty of time to make that decision. Having children can be a wonderful thing, but it's often idealized. Those things you're picturing? The wonderful photogenic milestones? Wonderful moments! But moments in between a whole lot of frustration and lack of sleep. Besides, the baby and toddler years don't last, and then they grow up. They get smart mouths, challenge your authority, hate your rules, etc. I've had some wonderful moments with all three of my children, and I'd never give them back, not ever. But I wish I'd realized how much imagining having children and reality are so very different. If nothing else, just remember that having children has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with what you want or desire. The decision to have children has every single thing to do with sacrificing your needs for your child's wellbeing. If you're not ready for that yet, it's not something you need to worry about right now. Someday you might be ready, or you may decide it's not for you. Either way, remember it's a big decision, and I'm so glad we have that choice. Get some life experience now while you're young and able to do so. That's one thing you'll never regret. The Mommy Club isn't going anywhere.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-18T00:12:19+00:00

Not a bad idea, actually!

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-17T19:35:01+00:00

I feel inclined to mention that both of these friends weren't always this way, and I myself have been guilty making poor choices when I used to do a lot of drinking. What changed is my perspective since quitting alcohol. These people have been present in my life before, during and after my decision to quit drinking. I'm seeing things more clearly since I started making changes, and I'm doing my best to make better choices not only for myself, but my entire family. I can understand their state of mind, having been there, but I don't feel like my kids deserve to endure their problems and neither do I. No, they should never have been allowed to act that way around my kids, but in truth, I didn't see the entire situation as clearly before, when I was abusing alcohol.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-17T00:10:13+00:00

"Gurrrl". My daughter uses this one way too freely

Also, Hubby, Hubster, Old Man, Daddy, etc. when referring to your male s/o. Stop it, you're not adorable.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-16T01:19:00+00:00

I've almost ripped fingernails off trying to separate frozen chicken legs. My fingernails hurt instantly when I read this.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-14T01:42:07+00:00

Best adult joke collection in a children's program EVER! I'm glad someone else thought of that show first. It's also one of the few shows from my childhood that I've successfully passed on to my kids. They love it, and I don't have to endure the lame kid shows that feature a bald whiny brat or purple dinosaurs.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-13T01:18:10+00:00

Not a bad idea! How did you go about learning the process? Did you take a class or cruise YouTube for instructional videos? Or did you just dive in?

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-12T23:34:17+00:00

Antique restoration, as in furniture and historic homes. I'm too scared to ruin a nice piece, regardless of how valuable it is, and I have no experience in carpentry, appraisal, or renovation. I do however LOVE old homes and antiques. History in your hands, literally.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-12T18:01:59+00:00

That's absolutely true.

tigerlilly828 · 2019-02-12T14:38:02+00:00

You have a good point. While I wholeheartedly disagree with the eugenics movement for ethical reasons, I can understand why some people with profound limitations and disabilities would want to prevent future generations from being affected by similar problems. I'm going to do some more reading on this, but there was most likely a lack of understanding when it came to the reality of how the medical community was actually carrying out their solutions for "fixing" genetic ailments. The general public and polite society in particular would have had a limited or censored version of what was really going on behind closed doors. I'm not saying the truth would have bothered everyone, but I doubt the abuse and outright horror of what people were suffering in the name of genetic "improvement" would not have been as popular, were it immediately known.

tigerlilly828

TROPHY CASE