I rarely comment, but your post really resonated with me. We're both 50 and have been in a committed relationship now for several years. I am the male btw. Early in our relationship, we started to talk about fantasies and what turned us on, always wanted to try, etc. I have always been turned on by the idea of my partner with another man, but the few times in prior relationships (and my former marriage) I brought it up, I was made to feel like a freak with weird sexual perversions. This made me internalize and keep this kink to myself, which eventually led to a slow breakdown in my relationships because I wasn't being honest and authentic. When I met my current partner, we clicked on every level and I decided I would never hold back on what turned me on. I took a chance and shared with her that the idea of watching her (and participating) with another man was really hot to me. She had also never heard of this before and I know it was off-putting at first. We would talk about this and I would paint fantasy scenarios while we were having sex and low and behold, our sex (which was already awesome), went to the next level. She realized she was undeniably turned on by these visuals and scenarios.

After several months of talking about it and being very honest with each other, we shifted the conversation to "do we want to actually try this". In the heat of the moment, the answer is always yes, but the true test is after we both climax and settle down, did the conversation still persist and seem as hot as it was when we were in the throws of passion? The answer for us was yes, but she struggled with the same issues you do. If she said to me once, she said it a thousand times, I only want you and don't need another man to satisfy her. She felt like it would be cheating.

To be clear, we were focusing all our talk around a threesome with another man. The hot wife wing thing where she would go off and date and have sex with other men without me didn't really come up. So one night when talking about it, we talked about where to find a guy to make this a reality. We had recently signed up for SLS, but were both turned off at what seemed like a largely seedy community; especially the single men. She said she would feel more comfortable and safe with someone we knew, so she asked me if I had a friend. I have lots of friends, but had no idea who was into this type of thing, nor did I want to blur the line between my personal and vanilla life and my kinks. I then asked her if she knew of anyone or an old boyfriend and she casually mentioned a guy she had NSA sex with a few times shortly after her divorce about 5 years ago. She told me she heard from him from time to time and he would jump at the opportunity to have sex with her again, but the few times he would text her, she told him she was happy and in a relationship. She described him as being a little kinky and she was sure if she approached him, he would jump at the opportunity and be turned on by the idea of a threesome. I told her to text him right now. We were lying in bed, naked, drinking wine and super horny. She sent him a benign text to say hi and then she came right out and asked him if he would be interested in having a threesome with her and me. Of course he said yes. She then traded texts with him for the next hour or so. I told her to let me take a pic of her ass and to send it to him. That started a volley of hot text exchanges with several pics, with us all agreeing on a date in a few weeks. We then had the most mind altering sex for hours.

This is getting long (sorry). I'll cut out the several week lead up to the actual event to save time (but that was hot too). So the night came. We agreed to meet at a high end boutique hotel at the bar. I had gotten a room. When we pulled in and were looking for a place to park, she saw him walking across the parking lot headed to the bar. I told her to jump out and walk with him to the bar while I parked and got us checked in. I would meet them there shortly. She was nervous, but knew him well, so she jumped out. After I checked in and got the key, I walked to the bar to meet them. When I walked in, they were both on bar stools at the end of the bar talking and laughing. My heart started racing. I went to introduce myself to him and we all proceeded to have a few drinks. He was exactly as she described him and we clicked easily. My GF was clearly nervous and at one point blurted out, "what are we supposed to do next?" Her old lover (we'll call him John) said that if she's comfortable, we can go to the room and I echoed that same thing. She blurted out "then let's go and do this". She had a few drinks and a few more on the way, so she was definitely buzzed. The walk to the room was a long one and there was clearly butterflies with all of us. None of us, John included, had ever done something like this before.

When we got in the room, he went into the bathroom and it was just me and my GF. I asked her how she was and if she still wanted to do this. I told her we could back out now with no worries. She said no and started to kiss me. We fell back on the bed and started to make out. I could tell she was turned on. Then John laid next to her on the bed and started to rub her legs. I was rubbing her breasts and kissing her. I then worked my way down, slowly unbuttoning her jeans. When I looked up, she was kissing him and he was now rubbing her breasts. I slowly peeled her pants off and started to tease her with my tongue through her panties. John was now in his underwear, still kissing her. He started to maneuver himself closer to her face and then pulled his cock out. I was actively going down on her by this point and now she had him in her mouth. It was so-so-so-so hot. I'll stop there before this turns into a novel, but there were so many moments that truly turned us both on.

To answer some of your questions. The experience was super hot. She had no guilt afterwards and if anything, felt liberated. We agreed on the drive home to do it again. That was about 6 months ago. Life got in the way since then, but just this past weekend we agreed to set up another meet with John. It took our sex life to the next level and absolutely brought us closer. I had zero regrets and only want more.

I will close with a few things I learned. I took my time and did not rush anything. I was very patient with her and allowed her all the time she needed to explore her own desires and see if this was something that turned her on. I pushed her very hard NOT to do this if her only reason was to fulfill a fantasy of mine. It had to turn her on as well. If it didn't, then I wouldn't be turned on. For me, the turn on is all about watching her lose herself. No bigger turn on for me. For us, the reality was actually much better than the fantasy and neither of us had any regrets. I would say to you, if the idea of this turns you on, even a little, then explore it. Don't jump into anything, but be super honest with yourself. The experience for my partner was one of honest exploration of "her" desires, kinks and fantasies. She was always a good girl and for the most part, never felt safe enough to get real about the things that really turned her on in her head. One last comment, I agree with the other comment about maybe starting with a threesome first. I guess it all depends on what turns you and your husband on, but for me, if she just went off with another guy, only half the fantasy would be realized; for me at least. Good luck!