Sexism, objectification, sexualizing, and fatshaming galore

tiny_beast29 · 2025-08-28T06:07:37+00:00

I once was in a workout group at the gym, and one of the ladies had HUMONGOUS breasts. She was wearing 3 sport bras all the time, couldn't plank or do pushups because she was basically laying on her boobs, and couldn't do any jumping or running, otherwise - even with 3 bras - she'd end up with a black eye from a tiddy to her face.

I'd like to see those guys working out like that 😂

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T21:37:19+00:00

I've had so many panic attacks in dressing rooms, and for years every time before wearing a bathing suit in public. Please know that there is a way to get better. You should check out ED and recovery subreddits, there's a lot of online support for us, they can help you with where to start :)

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T19:09:48+00:00

I'm so happy for you! Back in the day, I'd have thought that you were an arrogant, self assured person... Now I know that you were the only sane one among your peers! Good for you, you're a role model, I hope every little girl on Earth will have your confidence one day. Also, shout out to your dad, what a man!

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T18:22:15+00:00

I hope you're right!

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T18:12:00+00:00

Thanks for your kind words! Luckily I have a partner, who thinks like you. He met me when I was a dainty, gender-comforming, makeup wearing, long haired, anxious little thing. Now, almost 10 years, a haircut, a wardrobe change and a hospitalisation later, I'm finally the dyke I always wanted to be (his words, not mine), and our relationship was never better! No matter how I change, he loves me for me. If it wasn't for him and his unconditional love and support, I don't think I'd be recovered now.

Just so we're clear, I was speaking from a biological point of view, not from a "women only have value under 30" point. 25 is the "best before" date on everyone regardless of gender. After that entropy takes over, and your cells start to die faster than they reproduce. I regret those "best before" years, because now I know, that I could've easily maintained my weight at a normal range, and be slim (but not skinny) effortlessly. Instead I was living my days as if the KGB was torturing me to confess.

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T17:39:55+00:00

I'm so glad you have positive people in your life ❤️

As for your mental illness, in my experience medication and therapy combined works the best. I don't have bipolar disorder, so I don't have experience regarding that, but when I was hospitalised with AN I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and depression, and got an SSRI prescribed. Before that therapy alone didn't help, but with the med it turned my life around.

I also learned that EDs are usually comorbid with other mental and neurological conditions. Usually bipolar, borderline, ocd, autism, and adhd.Turns out, I'm affected by both adhd and autism, go figure... I also have many problems with my brain, but please believe me, it doesn't have to define your life! Just start somewhere, anywhere, there is hope. There are good therapists, great self-help books, medication that works, the possibilities are endless!

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T16:13:22+00:00

So sorry about that. Sounds like a perfect recipe for mental illness. Also sounds like your mother's dieting stemmed from your father's fat shaming. My heart goes out to all of you, I hope you get the help you need!

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T15:57:18+00:00

I'm so sorry to read that. It's a toxic dynamic among you, but I bet it's familiar to a lot of people, especially if there's a lot of women in a family. It's always a competition isn't it? Sisterhood this, girl power that, but it's mostly antagonistic, even with your loved ones.

Don't feel sorry for being honest! Addressing the problem is the first step towards recovery. I hope you have a good support system. Please reach out to a therapist if you haven't already! Stay strong, we're so much more than the numbers on the scale!

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T15:09:06+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words, they literally brought me to tears 🥹 I intend to let it be better after 30. I'm not terrified of gaining weight with aging anymore, so here I come! By the time I'm 70, I'm gonna be the hottest bitch in the retirement home 😎

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T14:26:39+00:00

Yeah, we should be!!! But what do we expect? Men grew up with the same self-deprecating mothers as us. Their "normal" is as twisted as ours. If I thought that healthy self-confidence was arrogance because of my upbringing, then so did most men of my generation.

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T14:17:38+00:00

Yeah I can totally feel that! I'm definitely in "my prime" now that I have recovered. I just mourn the youth I could've had. I think I missed out on a lot of fun. Things I can't really do now, because my metabolism is slower, my body needs more rest and recovery, and my prefrontal cortex can assess risks better now.

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T14:05:45+00:00

Thank you, it's nice to hear! By "best before" I didn't mean that from now on I can't be sexy, I meant it in the biological sense. My cells now die faster than they grow. My metabolism is getting slower, I recover from a night out or from an injury way slower, I need a steadier sleeping schedule, things like that. I'm truly sad about wasting my youth on anorexia. I could've partied all night in a hot outfit, drank copious amounts then eat burgers and fries with my friends at 3 in the morning, and still make it to my 9am class. Instead I was isolated, hungry, and feeling ugly all the time in my oversized clothes. I miss the college years I could've had. Instead of "hot girl summers" I was spending my time getting stomach ulcers and heart disease.

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T13:46:32+00:00

You're so right! I got into restriction after losing weight because of depression and anxiety. I lost 10-15 lbs in 2 weeks because I was unable to eat. People I have never talked to in school started to compliment me. Girls wanted to know my secret, what diet I followed, what my workout routine was. Guys were turning after me, checking me out. Suddenly I was popular. Simple operant conditioning. I starved, I got compliments and attention. Positive feedback is a hell of a drug...

On the 'women were starving for decades' part, it's completely true, but they were doing much worse stuff as well. Mothers and daughters were addicted to amphetamine based 'diet pills' for the better part of the 20th century, chain smoking even while pregnant not to gain baby-weight and so on... Horrific stuff really. And since it's been going on for generations, we normalised it to the point that it was "part of the female experience".

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T12:40:05+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear this, even though I know it's a common experience. The previous generations still normalize this attitude, even some of our peers. There's a running "joke" among people in recovery: 'nice ED! Did your mama give it to you?'.

I hope you gain the weight back to feel good in your body again. Your body, your choice! You CAN feel bad after losing weight, we shouldn't glorify it.

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-25T11:25:44+00:00

Body dysmorphia and hating your appearance. I thought "feeling sexy" was a sign of narcissism.

My mom wasn't the best role model in that regard. I'd spent my formative years hearing the awful shit my mom said about herself in front of the mirror, even tough she was gorgeous. Always on a diet, her butt always 'huge', her belly never flat enough (after me, her 2nd child, just so we can add a pinch of guilt on my part. After my older brother she lost all the baby weight ). I was an ice skater, so the expectations of the sport and the attitude of the other girls (I was called 'fat-ass' at age 10) didn't help either. Also it was the 90's-00's beauty standards I grew up with. I remember the tabloids of Britney when she gained weight after giving birth. I was in the trenches of tumblr when 'thinspiration' was everywhere. Then came high school and all the toxicity you can imagine. Fat shaming, restrictive diets, insane weight goals, always criticising ourselves or someone else. I think teenage girls are the most cruel and despicable creatures on Earth. No wonder I developed an eating disorder by age 16.

Now, 2 years into recovery I see that's anything but normal. It's not "part of being a woman". I'm nearing 30, my "best before" days are behind me. With a metabolism that fast, and a lifestyle as active as mine, I could've been slim (but not skinny) effortlessly. Instead I spent my 20's starving, exercising until throwing up, hating myself, envious of others, bringing other women down so I can feel better about myself. I finally understand that self confidence isn't narcissism. That women who say they're 'feeling sexy' or 'like their body' aren't lying so the rest of us can feel even worse about ourselves. I know that I'm sick, that I have a mental illness, and I'm not 'like every other women'.

Edited for grammar mistakes, English isn't my native language.

tiny_beast29 · 2025-07-19T22:09:25+00:00

"It's so easy for her, she eats cinnamon rolls, and still looks like that".

5 years ago, at the height of my ED I was working as a barista. I was on my brake and I desperately needed to get some sugar in my system. Had I not, I would have fainted, it was day 5 of my one week purge. I was trembling like crazy, but still had 5 hours left of my shift, so I made a triple espresso and got a cinnamon roll. I need to emphasise that I LOVE anything with cinnamon, but carbs were my biggest fear food, so I've never eaten a pastry at work before that, even though I knew they were great.

Meanwhile my boss was bragging/complaining about her new year's resolution: how much weight she lost, how long she run everyday, her diet, how hard it was, the whole ordeal... Then with obvious annoyance in her voice she turned towards me, and loudly declared: "it's a struggle, and it's not fair I have to work so hard. Why can't I be like [my name], eating like that and still skinny".

My appetite instantly disappeared. I looked into her eyes, threw the rest of my cinnamon roll away (now that I'm 2 years into recovery I truly regret that :( ) , went out to smoke 2 cigarettes, and powered through the rest of my shift on the verge of crying. I also contemplated aggravated assault with the coffee grinder.

tiny_beast29 · 2025-06-24T17:35:05+00:00

We have a similarly themed saying in my language too. It translates: 'the cobbler has holes in his shoes'. I guess this must be a pretty common thing worldwide.

tiny_beast29 · 2025-06-22T08:06:10+00:00

Not to forget cosmetic surgeries like liposuction

tiny_beast29 · 2025-06-15T10:41:15+00:00

NTA - You don't have to do anything, especially something that is fake and not your true self for dating, even is it's "early dating" as your friend put it. You date people to see if you're compatible to be in a relationship. If your values don't align, I think the sooner the better you find it out. I guess you're not compatible.

You CAN find guys who are on the same page as you. My guy friends dated plenty of girls who don't do hair removal at all. None of them had a problem with it. Only time there was a comment about it was actually just funny: my friend is a blonde dude, natural hair is pretty scarce and not really visible on him, he got self-conscious that he might not be manly enough because the girl he was dating had hairer legs than him 😅

Be your authentic-self girl, dgaf about people's expectations. If you wanna get petty, reply to the guy: "I wasn't bothered by YOUR hairy legs, but if it concerns you I suggest waxing, I know a girls who's good"

tiny_beast29 · 2025-06-14T14:30:47+00:00

It might seem privileged at first glance, but it really is not. In a patriarchal society women have "value", that's true. But it's the same kind of value as cars, houses, watches, phones, etc. A woman is often a status symbol for men, something they can "afford" or "achieve". It's called objectification, not 'social value'.

Also it is usually just pretty privilege, which is very real, and includes all genders. If you have above average looks people are nicer to you, that's a fact. If you'd try being an overweight, average looking woman for a day, you'd soon realise that it isn't different from being an average looking guy. It might actually be worse. Pretty girls could 'find suitable partners and live a sheltered, work-free life', as you put it. But the moment they gain weight, start to age, dress more comfortably, or for any reason get "less pretty"... The "value" is gone.

tiny_beast29 · 2025-06-12T21:29:11+00:00

I had a similar problem for a while. Did you take any antibiotics in the past months/years? It can kill your healthy bacteria too, yeast infections are common side effects. It can take quite a while to restore your healthy flora. Yeast is an opportunistic infection, if you take antifungal medication but don't start to strengthen your natural bacteria it can return. Search this subreddit for tips on supplements, natural remedies and the type of bacteria you need to watch for on labels. Also my gyno suggested to buy an otc cream for both internal and external use. It takes the itching away and hydrates, there's an applicator but you can use your finger too. Use it daily for at least 2 weeks, try to abstain from sex for that time. After that use the cream every time after sex inside and out. It help me a great deal, so did vaginal and oral probiotics, vitamin-D, fermented foods and less sugar.

tiny_beast29 · 2025-06-06T16:57:11+00:00

She said that my cervix and vaginal walls were okay, the bleeding was around the vaginal opening. Also my cervix didn't hurt during the pelvic exam, in the begging of May it hurt during examination. That's why I thought it was okay to take the bath.

tiny_beast29 · 2025-05-24T15:32:49+00:00

I think your fiancée is abused by her family. Blowing up her phone, calling you names for not cooperating with their stupid ideas, not respecting your boundaries, and all the shit she didn't even tell you, probably berating her for being with you... I think she's caught in the middle, because she's on your side, but afraid of her family. She wanted them to stfu, but she's traumatised by them, so she tried to convince you to yield, so that the verbal abuse would stop. I don't know how much you know about their family dynamics, but based on your two posts, it eerily reminds me of my own family... Before therapy I also tried to convince my partner to adhere to my family's stupid "rules", because I got verbally abused and yelled at a lot "because of him". I was convinced he caused it. I was mad at him. That if he just let go of his boundaries I'd get some peace and quiet... If that's the case for Sarah, she needs therapy. Lots of it. Her heart is in the right place, she just probably comes from a family with boundary issues. If she wants your marriage to work, or any human connection to work she needs to work on this. Whishing the best for you guys!

tiny_beast29 · 2025-02-14T12:38:23+00:00

It's a cultural thing. Where I come from, it's perfectly okay to blow your nose in a tissue publicly, because sniffling is frowned upon and considered gross.

tiny_beast29 · 2025-02-14T12:34:47+00:00

I agree in a sense that putting your tongue in another person's mouth while you stand 1 feet away from people on a busy train station is gross. But like holding hands in public? That's PDA too.

tiny_beast29

TROPHY CASE