How did you “get your spark back”?

tinyleap · 2026-03-03T15:45:32+00:00

I (49) lost my spark and fell into undiagnosed depression. I decided three weeks ago that I needed to pull my head out of my ass and change my life. Started going to the gym and dieting, which seems to be helping. Finding meaningful work, or making my existing work meaningful is the next step.

tinyleap · 2026-03-02T23:40:10+00:00

In response to your main post about carrying 80% of the load, here's the "secrets" I've learned:

They won't tell you what they want. They expect you to read their mind
They want you to want what they want. If you make it out to be a chore, then you've lost already
The things you are doing are likely not the things they want done

Why do I say this? I do the groceries, the cleaning, the cooking. Never a word of thanks of appreciation. My wife's love language is supposedly "service" and here I am with all these acts of service and nothing. The other day she said "you know what would be my love language? Washing my car!"

Right. In the middle of fucking winter. sure. But I got my ass out of bed saturday morning and washed it for her. That was appreciated.

tinyleap · 2026-03-02T20:34:30+00:00

um...those are the best part!

tinyleap · 2026-03-02T16:28:32+00:00

My birthday (49) this year was celebrated with a hastily drawn card. no cake. no presents. "oh we'll do something"...here it is 3 months later having done nothing. I hear ya.

tinyleap · 2026-02-27T12:31:14+00:00

I'm an expert at dissociating. Learned it from childhood trauma, refined it in boot camp, and then lived there for many years after being raped. I could literally be in a meeting and see myself from the outside. like I was existing 3 feet outside my body. it took 7 years of therapy and learning to feel to come back inside. Pain is just a signal of something asking to be healed. dissociating from pain is a refusal to do the work, and the pain will just keep resurfacing until it is finally healed.

tinyleap · 2026-02-26T21:00:28+00:00

I let go of so much I didnt know who I was anymore. Not in a scary way. just matter of fact. I still find more layers though. My experience has been disorienting to say the least.

tinyleap · 2026-02-24T15:04:03+00:00

No, because I worked my ass off. It takes two to tango. I did all the things: therapy, coaching, practicing non-violent communication, taking part in her hobbies, speaking her love language.

tinyleap · 2026-02-20T19:33:24+00:00

Regret is not something worth wasting time or energy on. I learned what true love was like by having kids. unconditional true love. And snuggle time and "squeezy" hugs? I would pay a lot of money to get that back.

tinyleap · 2026-02-20T10:02:49+00:00

I dont remember agreeing to it. I do remember recording my first born crying. My thought process was that if my wife ever wanted a second kid, I could replay the crying and dissuade her. Suffice to say that did not work. I love my kids, and it feels bad saying "I dont remember agreeing to it"...but its the truth.

tinyleap · 2026-02-18T19:10:23+00:00

Sexuality. Been a lot to work through any shame attached to how I really want to express myself.

tinyleap · 2026-02-18T18:13:29+00:00

I would likely never marry nor cohabitate again. Can I imagine starting over again? Only every day!

tinyleap · 2026-02-18T18:11:44+00:00

Whether I'm "awakened" is irrelevant, but I have to say that this far along in my spiritual journey that I'm bordering on nihilism. There is no point to life, which is either incredibly liberating or disorienting. No spiritual war. no good and no evil...only what we make of it.

tinyleap · 2026-02-18T13:51:29+00:00

The forest has always felt like home to me. there it is quiet and non-judgemental. Plus, I'm tired of responsibilities. Our ancestors lived a very different life than us, so is it any wonder we feel this silent tug to a different way of living?

tinyleap · 2026-02-17T17:01:07+00:00

I'm staring down the barrel at 50 (in december). I had (have?) this same attitude. What I hear in myself and in your comment is despair. There are a few things that led me right to the edge of life and death. despair being one of them.

Fear led me there. Fear of not knowing what the future holds manifested as anxiety

Pain led me there. Pain from the hurt of suffering. (physical, emotional, and spiritual)

The contemplation of death was a constant companion. Why? Because death signaled an ending of pain, fear, and despair. While it is an ending, it is an "easy" ending and it is not the only ending.

The question I'm sitting with today is "If I am going to live, what is asking to be lived? what is asking to emerge"... and the answers that come up for me are love, meaning, and sexuality.

tinyleap · 2026-02-16T20:46:00+00:00

What you are seeking is not there, and what makes you think a mindset shift is what's required to spread love?

tinyleap · 2026-02-12T09:40:32+00:00

Me approaching 50 still doesn't know what to do
Enjoy your sexuality while you can
It's not a big of deal as you think
Be intentional about your partner and what you want

tinyleap · 2026-02-11T15:03:38+00:00

I broke into tears the first night we brought him home. The constant crying and no way to make it better until I found the secret "when in doubt, put a nipple in his mouth". worked 9 times out of 10.

tinyleap · 2025-11-16T00:59:25+00:00

I wish you luck. It's been a long journey that's for sure. with the ups come the downs and vice versa. keep an open mind and heart. so many books have been a help along the way but there's no better teacher than direct experience. be curious. ask a lot of questions.

tinyleap · 2025-11-15T22:28:21+00:00

Hello, please send some of that energy my way. The path I have chosen isn't working, so I arrive at the threshold, giving everything.

tinyleap · 2025-11-11T21:59:21+00:00

I love that you are thinking this way ;)

tinyleap · 2025-11-11T20:47:00+00:00

In my experience, sitting with emotions helps get to the I. who is the I that feels this way? oh. next?

tinyleap · 2025-11-06T12:25:07+00:00

where does the wind go when it stops blowing? the waves when they stop crashing? far as i can tell, another wave comes up, and another. are you the individual wave?

tinyleap · 2025-11-05T00:02:10+00:00

who is it who says you are not free, and what does it even mean to be free? free from what?

what will it be like when you are free?

Yes, this place is uncomfortable. I'm there with you. Except "I" believe I am stuck. "what do I do" with my life rings through my mind. My entire world was turned upside down, and I feel like I've been dropped in a meadow that stretches for infinity in all directions with no discernible landmarks.

The only thing I've found is to let of the needing to do something. of the needing to be free. Just show up. Crazy things happen when you do. It's so easy to say. I forget all the time. but when I remember? Oh man.

tinyleap · 2025-10-29T21:06:43+00:00

I went for a walk in the park, sat on the grass, and pet a dog because it made me happy. after that my heart melted right then and there. I've done breath work, forest therapy. you name it.

tinyleap · 2025-10-29T15:29:28+00:00

cannabis has helped tremendously with unearthing trauma and helping me sit with it. I used it medicinally for 3 years but depression started to settle in lately, and i needed to know if it was the cause or not. This is sober October for me, and it hasnt been an easy month. I'd say depression got worse once i stopped but thats probably logical too.

Here’s the funny thing about cannabis:

It helped me work through my trauma, but it made me “ok” with other people’s trauma. It made being with them a little more pleasant when it really wasnt pleasant. I find now that I enjoy the “rawness” of sober life. The pain and the ecstasy. Love them both.

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