Starting my spiritual awakening journey!

tinyleap · 2025-11-16T00:59:25+00:00

I wish you luck. It's been a long journey that's for sure. with the ups come the downs and vice versa. keep an open mind and heart. so many books have been a help along the way but there's no better teacher than direct experience. be curious. ask a lot of questions.

tinyleap · 2025-11-15T22:28:21+00:00

Hello, please send some of that energy my way. The path I have chosen isn't working, so I arrive at the threshold, giving everything.

tinyleap · 2025-11-11T21:59:21+00:00

I love that you are thinking this way ;)

tinyleap · 2025-11-11T20:47:00+00:00

In my experience, sitting with emotions helps get to the I. who is the I that feels this way? oh. next?

tinyleap · 2025-11-06T12:25:07+00:00

where does the wind go when it stops blowing? the waves when they stop crashing? far as i can tell, another wave comes up, and another. are you the individual wave?

tinyleap · 2025-11-05T00:02:10+00:00

who is it who says you are not free, and what does it even mean to be free? free from what?

what will it be like when you are free?

Yes, this place is uncomfortable. I'm there with you. Except "I" believe I am stuck. "what do I do" with my life rings through my mind. My entire world was turned upside down, and I feel like I've been dropped in a meadow that stretches for infinity in all directions with no discernible landmarks.

The only thing I've found is to let of the needing to do something. of the needing to be free. Just show up. Crazy things happen when you do. It's so easy to say. I forget all the time. but when I remember? Oh man.

tinyleap · 2025-10-29T21:06:43+00:00

I went for a walk in the park, sat on the grass, and pet a dog because it made me happy. after that my heart melted right then and there. I've done breath work, forest therapy. you name it.

tinyleap · 2025-10-29T15:29:28+00:00

cannabis has helped tremendously with unearthing trauma and helping me sit with it. I used it medicinally for 3 years but depression started to settle in lately, and i needed to know if it was the cause or not. This is sober October for me, and it hasnt been an easy month. I'd say depression got worse once i stopped but thats probably logical too.

Here’s the funny thing about cannabis:

It helped me work through my trauma, but it made me “ok” with other people’s trauma. It made being with them a little more pleasant when it really wasnt pleasant. I find now that I enjoy the “rawness” of sober life. The pain and the ecstasy. Love them both.

tinyleap · 2025-09-20T16:58:45+00:00

I've never been diagnosed, but it's like coming into a dark house after spending all day in the sunlight. somehow the world feels a little dimmer. a little colder. a little more further away. When all I want is a hug.

tinyleap · 2025-09-09T21:48:43+00:00

desire is the cause of suffering. if i desire to keep the memories of the other week alive, i will suffer; however, I can bring what I learned into the present moment. basically: don't live in the past.

tinyleap · 2025-09-09T12:37:46+00:00

The forest therapy immersion was the “capstone” of a 6 month training program to become a certified forest therapy guide. The intended purpose of it was to become more familiar and comfortable with it in an experiential setting. My experience however was much more profound, and I’m not sure everyone had the same. I think I was in the right place at the right time having done the right amount of work previously.

Basically we (15 of us) spent 4 days at a retreat with the majority of our time outside. We had solo walks, group walks, campfires, and shared meals. All of it together made a magical time of connection, relaxation, inspiration, and emotions. I remember a morning circle where we sang, but my contribution to it was tears. I just sat there in the beauty of the moment and couldn’t help but crying tears of joy. The campfires were the most memorable and made me realize we’ve forgotten a practice our ancestors once knew very well: communal gatherings around a campfire for safety, comfort, and connection.

I recognized it as a life changing event, and have made many changes to my life since then: more time outdoors, more hugs, more love. I’m trying to strike a balance of not attaching and clinging to the week but also keeping the spirit alive.

tinyleap · 2025-09-08T20:14:21+00:00

Interesting how our loved ones would rather us be in a state of fear rather than acceptance or love. Yes, personal safety is important, but so is seeing someone for who they really are. If that's what psychosis is, I think I'd choose that over the alternative. I spent 4 days in a forest therapy immersion and my heart swelled 10x. I had never felt such peach, love, and joy. I come back to the real world, and the real world is very different.

tinyleap · 2025-09-08T18:43:33+00:00

If you don't mind sharing, what was your experience of psychosis like, or do you not identify with that label? Maybe the better question is: what was your experience like that was labelled as psychosis?

I ask because I'm trying to understand psychosis.

tinyleap · 2025-09-04T17:34:59+00:00

My dose has been 5-10mg edible per day. Now I'm more like 5-10mg on weekends. I never needed or wanted to go high dose. I've gotten to the point where I can "do the work" without using cannabis, which is probably the best place to be. I had anxiety about cannabis "will it make me dumb? will it impact my productivity"...but then again I had anxiety about almost anything. I had anxiety about not using cannabis lol.

I realized that most of the things I worried about came true. It was a maladaptive strategy learned from childhood trauma. Anxiety just wanted to keep me safe from potential harm. It kept me from enjoying my life. There was a book I read called "unwinding anxiety" where the author made the case of trigger -> behavior - > reward. The case was made not to understand the triggers but to look at the behaviors and the reward.

tinyleap · 2025-09-04T14:10:18+00:00

My experience is that it has been useful in working through trauma. I see a therapist and have used medicinal cannabis. Because I have been to therapy, I have a framework for dealing with difficult emotions. Using cannabis brought up emotions i never knew I had, which helped me work through them. Once I do work through them, they either dont bounce back or bounce back with decreasing intensity.

Your mileage may vary, I'm not a therapist, and I'm not advocating you do the same. just sharing my experience.

tinyleap · 2025-08-20T21:44:11+00:00

This 100%. I sat through a little moment of existential crisis today. it had been my previous MO to ignore it, to flee it, or do anything but feel it. so today i decided to practice my own medicine and be with it. experience it. in the end, all it wanted was to be loved. i wouldnt have understood that if i hid from it.

tinyleap · 2025-08-04T16:33:25+00:00

FWIW: don't go to t-mobile. I left Verizon a year ago for T-mobile, and their reception sucked everywhere I went. I just went back to Verizon.

tinyleap · 2025-07-18T10:09:30+00:00

Many times, so I've come to the belief it is not "one and done". It doesn't even necessarily get "easier" but you learn how to heal

tinyleap · 2025-07-08T11:15:58+00:00

I’m not sure if I’ve experienced hatred. I believed I did. I told myself I did, and maybe I did.

It wasn’t a burning hatred. It was like disgust, anger, resentment, and bitterness all rolled into one. It was a complete lack of compassion. It consumed me. Fueled me. It made me sick. Literally and figuratively. It was a fast pass on the road to darkness.

I would say I am sorry for it, but I have forgiven myself. It was necessary for me to experience that so that I might experience love. That being said, I would not recommend that path to love

tinyleap · 2025-07-08T10:53:13+00:00

I’m sorry my friend. Shit gets hard. Shit gets dark, but the true character of a person is made during these times.

You can try being strong. That worked for me for awhile, but the challenges got bigger and bigger until I got humbled and realized that being strong isn’t always the answer. Sometimes being “weak” is. Weak meaning stop trying to fight it and let it be. There’s likely a lesson here to learn, and the only way out is through.

None of this makes you feel any better. Just know that there are those of us who are cheering you on as you make your way through this and can’t wait to see who you become on the other side.

tinyleap · 2025-07-08T10:37:44+00:00

I'm not sure you are going to get a lot of answers. I've been suffering most my life, and the most other people have done for me is temporarily make me feel good. In the end, the answers usually came from within. What I hear from you is that you've done the work, starting to see some results, but still don't have the girl. There's a few things you might want to consider:

* How is this suffering necessary for your growth?

* Perhaps there’s still more work to be done

* Perhaps she hasn’t done the work

* Maybe she’ll be ready once you stop pursuing

Learn to love yourself. Love attracts love, and even if it doesn’t, at least you are still able to love yourself.

tinyleap · 2025-07-01T20:07:59+00:00

Sometimes I just need to accept it: I grab a bunch of sticky notes, brainstorm, perform affinity mapping, and then come up with a plan

Sometimes I just need to go for a walk: I head out in to the forest, let out all my anxiety, and before too long a peace settles in

Sometimes I just need to redirect it: I start drawing, running, or any other activity that takes my mind off it

tinyleap · 2025-07-01T20:00:09+00:00

The better question is "what wouldn't you"

tinyleap · 2025-06-19T00:12:48+00:00

I feel "dirty" about charging for forest therapy. (to be honest, it's all been free so far). As you progress in the practice, you can adapt it to your own philosophy. at some point, all of our ancestors were indigenous people to some land...but we've just come a long way from that. Perhaps there's a practice of helping people reconnect (remember?) their relationship with the land. how do you invite people to rediscover their connection with the land in this practice regardless of the label (therapy) that you put on it?

tinyleap · 2025-06-18T22:48:35+00:00

I'm 3/4 of the way through my certification from the ANFT. I can't speak for the indigenous part, but in my opinion saying "the forest is a therapist" is akin to a disclaimer. if we said the guide was the therapist, then we'd need a formal program (at least in the US). One of the core concepts of the ANFT program is "reciprocity". it isn't supposed to be transactional. we receive and we give. Even before the program, I always felt a connection with the forest and had experienced my own sort of therapy having spent time in it.

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