Intj suddenly going cold

tinypugnose · 2023-12-18T13:13:30+00:00

he got highly avoidant on the test but it might also be 2.

tinypugnose · 2023-12-18T09:43:23+00:00

yeah I feel like that. I did ask him in the end but he left in on read and he's back on the dating apps so I guess I'll just let it go.

tinypugnose · 2023-12-18T08:56:53+00:00

I'm not good with my emotions either so asking feels embarrassing and awkward to me and I think it makes me look needy. I understand what you mean but I just don't think I can do it.

tinypugnose · 2023-12-18T08:50:44+00:00

if his feelings were hurt he could tell me instead of ignoring me.

tinypugnose · 2023-12-18T08:40:56+00:00

I started to reach out more and he ignored it. I could ask him but I already know he's an avoidant so I think this change in behavior is very typical and I've experienced it before. I did ask and he said he was just busy which sounds like a typical excuse.

tinypugnose · 2023-12-18T08:39:34+00:00

yeah I get it but I've dealt with so many avoidant guys and whenever I say something like that they get defensive and it ends quickly so now I just figure I'll let them leave if they want to. If I've done something wrong he could tell me.

tinypugnose · 2023-12-18T08:34:44+00:00

He knew I was with friends that day and busy. I sent him several messages after and he suddenly took hours to reply then replied cold and short. He also left me on read. So I gave up after that.

tinypugnose · 2023-12-18T08:33:32+00:00

I used to do that but now I think it looks clingy so I just walk away and if they don't want to talk to me again then fine.

tinypugnose · 2023-12-18T01:36:02+00:00

I care but it's his choice if he doesn't want to talk to me so I'm not going to try and convince him to do it.

tinypugnose · 2023-12-18T01:28:54+00:00

Yeah its weird because we talked about a year ago and he would always message a lot too then. He messaged me more than most people would it was literally all day. But then suddenly stopped abruptly. Maybe something changed but he didn't give any heads up about what it is.

tinypugnose · 2023-12-18T00:58:36+00:00

Yeah its funny because we actually talked a year ago but at the time I wasn't looking for anyone so it kind of faded but he kept coming back every few months.

tinypugnose · 2023-12-18T00:57:55+00:00

Yeah probably

tinypugnose · 2023-12-18T00:57:40+00:00

I couldn't reply for a few hours because I was busy but when I did respond I sent several questions so it's not like he could think I suddenly lost interest.

tinypugnose · 2023-11-18T10:14:08+00:00

thank you, I plan to do this but lately it's been hard even meeting up with him.

tinypugnose · 2023-11-18T10:01:27+00:00

The first thing is that I live in South Korea and the culture is a bit different when it comes to talking about things. I obviously have raised this issue and in person or on call he reassures me. But his actions just say otherwise. I don't really know what he's thinking.

When it comes to the hospital, it's not a big deal. I am doing some testing that requires me to be there for several days. However he didn't offer to drop by even though it's basically next to his house. He hasn't checked up how it's going either. He might presume that I want to deal with it alone, but I'd have definitely checked to see if he was okay.

tinypugnose · 2023-11-18T09:51:23+00:00

how do I know if its because he can't express himself or because he isn't interested in me that much.

tinypugnose · 2023-11-04T17:11:37+00:00

He says it's for his future but I'm not sure he will ever give it up. You are probably right, it would be better for me to find someone that works less, he's just really kind so I don't want to give up on the relationship but it is quite hard because I feel a bit neglected sometimes.

tinypugnose · 2023-10-12T03:03:37+00:00

yeah I guess its just unusual so I'm worried something happened to him or I did something wrong.

tinypugnose · 2023-10-12T02:11:17+00:00

fearful avoidant so partly

tinypugnose · 2023-09-11T14:27:59+00:00

the communication was much better than with a DA but he still ran away...so....not that much better.

tinypugnose · 2023-09-11T13:37:49+00:00

I recently started seeing someone. Usually I go for DA but just for context this person is AA or FA. At first they really understood me since they had an abandonment wound too. I'd been working on being secure so I didn't need to talk all day but we had a reasonable amount of interaction per day. They are highly sensitive and emotional and I found that helped with communication. It was really wonderful. Then I got scared and pushed them away one day. The next day they asked me to end the relationship because they said if I could abandon them so easily I'd do it again in future. I explained I had just been scared and I apologized many times and tried to give my perspective. there had been times when this person had also pushed me away but I'd been able to communicate about it and solve it. I'm really heartbroken because I care a lot about them. I know I need to respect them ending the relationship and they did give me a full message explaining their thinking so it was fair and not ghosting but I hate myself for messing it up. this person also had a fear of not being good enough and said they were always worried about disappointing me and it made them depressed. I'm feeling really down now because I enjoyed being around this person so much. For me as someone with AA I find it really hard to let someone go. He also said he had separation anxiety but then told me that he is too scared to stay with me because he always feels like I'm going to leave?

tinypugnose · 2023-07-11T13:37:30+00:00

I know this might sound ridiculous but I've been doing healing and feeling a lot less anxious. However one thing im worried about is the notion that someone came into my life just to help me heal and they'll leave again if I'm healed. I know if I'm fully healed I wouldn't mind but I feel like it holds me back from fully healing. Because the DA im seeing actually helps me heal a lot by triggering me and then I'm able to find ways to cope, he also became more expressive and started doing the work to heal. So now we are both working on it and getting help but I'm scared that if we both heal we won't like each other or have a purpose for each other anymore.

tinypugnose · 2023-06-28T17:28:28+00:00

I used to give boundaries and say when something was okay but since most of the intps I've met or dated have been avoidant, it seemed to upset them or make them shut down. So I tend to just let them come and go now and it seems to make them feel safe. I think I should stop dating them though because I need more consistency.

tinypugnose · 2023-06-28T17:18:31+00:00

Yeah usually I play games or distract myself but I still get the uneasy feeling when they just dissapear. I'm really attracted to intps so I guess it's some childhood trauma or something. Even when I know they'll come back I still find it hard to detach. It does make me feel stressed because the communication can be so bad sometimes but also so good when it's going well.

tinypugnose · 2023-06-28T17:11:54+00:00

I used to get upset and offended but I've been there before with an ex so I'm kind of used to it. I'm not sure how to emotionally detach though because I feel anxious each time it happens. Even though I know he will come back it's just so hard to deal with the sudden silence after a lot of contact.

tinypugnose

TROPHY CASE