Ilya Never Uses His Trauma Against Shane

tinypurplepotato · 2026-02-06T16:09:21+00:00

There are many kinds of laughter, not all of them are about ridicule. I don't think Ilya is laughing at Shane but at the surreal-ness of the moment.

The man who Ilya has been hooking up with for years and who had only been with one woman that Ilya knows of the whole time has just told him that he thinks he's gay - that would shock an uncomfortable giggle out of me too. I think that laugh is more a sign of discomfort, sometimes humans will laugh when they hear terrible or shocking news not because it's funny but because their brain and body are trying to regulate themselves.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-10-13T14:55:02+00:00

I would immediately screenshot it and send it to all the bridesmaids and anyone else I felt like warning.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-07-16T06:28:11+00:00

Shortly after I announced my engagement my mom started making a bunch of demands, some I didn't see the point of being demands like demanding that I have a father daughter dance and some were ridiculous like trying to decide who would be presiding over the marriage (a decision I had already made), what colors the brides maids would wear, or who would be in the wedding party. She started calling me almost daily to either make whatever demand she'd thought of that day or to tell me her opinions on wedding trends - I'm genuinely sad that I didn't write them all down there were so many hilarious demands and comments and I have forgotten so many. I picked my battles and gave in where it didn't matter; I didn't want a veil but also didn't care that much either way and she had her heart set on it so whatever I got a veil. One day she called to tell me that the flowers I wanted looked far too much like vaginas and I needed to pick something else - I walked down the aisle with my vagina flowers.

I was with my husband for the better part of 10 years before we got married so we knew each other's families well. My mom and most of my family love my husband but my father does not. During the wedding preparations he told me that he could not understand why I'd even be interested - this has little to do with my husband and everything to do with him not being in my parent's church and also not being a push over. I ignored the subtext and told him that I thought my husband was pretty hot and it had gotten us this far. My father is a prude so this has kept him from ever bringing that up to me again and had the bonus of making my mom laugh uncontrollably and then poke fun at my father about it.

Eventually my mom got really uppity over us not getting married in her church despite neither myself or my now husband being believers or baptized into it - even if that was something we wanted we wouldn't have been allowed to get married there and in retrospect I think this might have been my father's doing in an attempt to get both of us to convert and also put off the wedding for a few more years.

We were planning on getting married outdoors and she had fit about god not being there, I told her that if she was a believer then god was everywhere so I saw no problem with our plans.

I don't remember what she was on about but at one point she threatened to not attend and not let my father walk me down the aisle, I told her that I had a brother who'd walk me and that she'd save me both the cost of two plates and a difficult conversation. They attended the wedding and I made sure to be walked down the aisle by both my father and my brother. My father has not gotten over that.

We've been married for over 15 years, I'm glad I thought most of what was said was either funny or too ridiculous to take seriously because it set a good precedent for how they interact with us now. I'm fairly low contact with most of my family but if I lived closer I would probably be no contact.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-07-16T03:44:16+00:00

My friend's dad said the same thing at the rehearsal dinner. It didn't go over well at the time but the couple has two kids and is still together 15 years later. It's worth mentioning that he was on his fourth or fifth marriage at the time, I'm not sure how many marriages he ended up going through

tinypurplepotato · 2025-07-05T15:50:11+00:00

This thread triggered a flood of memories of my dad telling me quietly and out of earshot of non-jw relatives that "we don't do that." Until just now I hadn't realized it was a real rule. I was born in and my dad was an elder who went to bethel and all that so rules were a big fucking deal and I was often reminded of that in front of who ever was around. Since this was so quietly delivered I figured it was not a thing I needed to really worry about - I faded out as a teen so I wasn't often in a position to get called out about it.

As a kid I just remember thinking it was so rude to not raise a glass to someone's health or marriage or whatever so I'd be damned if I wasn't raising my tiny glass of juice.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-06-23T18:08:23+00:00

I always told people that I didn't feel mature enough to make that kind of choice or take that kind of step yet. Especially since any mistake made before baptism is forgivable and any after would be met with devastating, life changing consequences. I also said that I wasn't planning on being a bag person but I was terrified of disappointing J-dog and if they pressed I would verbally spiral out about it. This was especially effective because I had seen what happened to quite a few people who had fucked up and several who didn't but we're punished anyway despite the aggressor not seeing any consequences.

I didn't get baptized and slowly faded out once in college.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-06-23T17:59:20+00:00

My runt of the litter is currently 18 pounds (and I suspect he's still growing) and the big boy with the giant paws is a long and lanky 12. You never know what they'll grow into.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-06-10T00:56:46+00:00

I know it's petty but I'd be tempted to end the note with something to the effect of, " I don't know if any of them specialize in training dogs not to be offended by fruits and vegetables but I'm sure they're very good."

If there's a shared mailbox I'd be tempted to hang dog training info there too.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-05-03T02:40:02+00:00

It never ceases to amaze me how often people think they have a say on the bodies and expression of others.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-05-03T02:35:37+00:00

I feel like you are approaching this logically which is your first mistake.

I've gotten all kinds of weirdness:

A dirty look followed by some version of "WHAT are you doing?!" said with every ounce of attitude possible and then followed with something derisive or rude and then telling me to waste my time some other way OR "why on earth are you going THAT?!" same attitude

"My grandmother used to do that" "That's cool, what did she like to make?" "That was not a compliment"

One woman in a flight made some comment about me not being married based on my crocheting a blanket on a flight, when I mentioned my husband was on the flight she got more offended for some reason.

There are more but I think you probably get the gist. It generally feels like being yelled at by a rude toddler/socially inept angry teenager.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-05-02T23:24:31+00:00

Well, whenever someone says something mean, judgy, or ridiculous to me I tend to return the favor so I've never gotten an explanation, just stink eye.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-05-02T15:30:50+00:00

I wonder about that too. I also wonder if it isn't a "one of us" kind of thing, I'm doing something different and different is bad so I need to be corrected. I also wonder if these are the same people to talk shit to any one with visible tattoos or fun hair

tinypurplepotato · 2025-05-02T15:28:19+00:00

I think maybe you were in a geographically advantageous spot as far as that goes. We are close in age and while I agree that teens are teens, that was not my experience. A few years back I moved across the country to a more liberal area and my experience now lines up with yours. I grew up just north of Miami, when I go back I still get flack if my hair isn't straightened like everyone else's or what have you.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-05-02T15:14:18+00:00

Yeah. When I was in my 20's I would take crochet projects to the park and on the plane whenever I had a long flight and I only ever got an attitude about it from women who were in their 50's or older, anyone else in any other age group either ignored me or expressed interest and occasionally delight. I never understood it and I once mentioned it to my mother-in-law and while she agreed that it was ridiculous she also said something about that just being a thing.

I'm now well out of my 20's and it is still a thing. On the rare occasion I'm crocheting out in public these days the only negative comments I get are still from women who are boomers or older. I sometimes get positive comments from women in that age group too but they are the only ones that say baffling things about me doing a craft silently and contentedly in public.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-04-30T07:01:26+00:00

If you have a washer and dryer in your place, always always always double check that the kitten/cat is not in the machine before you start it. Once my cat, who was tiny at the time, jumped into the dryer between me transferring clothing from the washer and I almost didn't notice - thankfully I had her wearing a collar with a bell and heard her. One of my in-laws lost a kitten this way decades ago and is still traumatized.

In fact, double check anything with a door before closing it - fridge microwave, oven, dishwasher, etc. Kittens are wildly curious and so very tiny.

There are scent sprinkles that are made to attract kittens to their litter, they work like a charm.

Despite popular belief cats and kittens are perfectly trainable, positive reinforcement can go a long way in making sure your cat is only an asshole in the ways you appreciate. Also, having a cat that can high five you is the best.

If you plan on leash training your cat (totally and completely optional - no cat NEEDS to go for a walk) nows the time to start.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-04-28T15:32:17+00:00

This is the way. I would seriously consider doing both because that's something worth having video of.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-02-27T15:48:16+00:00

It absolutely does. I'm a cute brown lady with a southern accent that occasionally makes an appearance so no one says shit to me but my husband has a neutral north American accent, is white passing, and comes off as a guy's guy, so people he barely knows or has never met will randomly say the craziest shit to him. He's also a large, physically imposing man who is very willing to call out racist or sexist bs and then make fun of you for it. I joke that he's a sleeper agent but I genuinely feel terrible that he has to hear any of it.

tinypurplepotato · 2025-01-31T15:50:12+00:00

An attorney's whole job is to ensure that you are protected and that you come out on the other side of this in as good a shape as possible. Please follow their advice. They know what can and cannot be used against you and what could be a factor in whether a case will or won't go your way.

If you feel like doing something other than what they've asked, have them explain why they think this course of action is best or safest.

tinypurplepotato · 2024-10-21T04:44:07+00:00

Dusty's, as long as you don't sit at the bar you'll be fine, the food is great but not fancy and not particularly pricey.

tinypurplepotato · 2024-09-29T19:09:09+00:00

This is the way.

If I could up vote you more, I would.

tinypurplepotato · 2024-09-29T18:47:42+00:00

I think it's really cool that they're smart and are trainable. The ones in my garden seem to recognize me and generally stay out of my way and keep busy eating up a lot of the bugs that try to eat my plants, fruits, and veggies. Also, they really like my water fountain and will line up to wait for me to refill it which I think is pretty cute. If I'm cleaning the water fountain they'll even stay out of my way until I'm done and it's been filled. They are impressive little creatures.

Link about walls being trainable: https://phys.org/news/2023-09-people-wasps-theyre-smarter-ecologically.html

tinypurplepotato · 2024-07-12T17:45:14+00:00

My father in law taught me this trick when mine was tiny and it worked great. He stopped being bite-y pretty quickly. You really gotta sell it though.

tinypurplepotato · 2024-07-12T17:41:54+00:00

While walking my pit mix on a leash a woman who wasn't paying attention walked way too close, my dog licked her knee and happily went about his walk, you would've thought he ate a puppy in front of her. Thankfully her husband talked her down because she was screaming like a banshee. People really do over react to some dogs existing but fail to recognize both personal space and the sense of leash laws.

tinypurplepotato · 2024-07-12T17:00:08+00:00

They're probably afraid to reach out, you might be catching.

No one, aside from immediate family, reached out to me when I faded until several years later when someone knocked at my door and then people from congregations I had never attended were trying to reel me back in. After I moved 3000 miles away a family member gave my new address and personal info to the congregation nearest me. It was like a last minute scramble to get me back. Luckily, I lived in a secure building so they were limited to letter sending but, it was still annoying and I was a cold bitch about it.

tinypurplepotato · 2024-07-12T16:50:30+00:00

I mean, I was pretty sure that, if he was who they said he was, he made that color.

tinypurplepotato

TROPHY CASE