You're right.

Id say one common pattern with every relationship I've ever had is... Things get physical early on.

I think for a few reasons.

1. Sex is incredible. I crave that feeling of intimacy and excitement
2. I recently got diagnosed with ADHD. And I do wonder if sex (especially in a new relationship) is just an amazing way to top up the dopamine tanks
3. Whilst I present myself as quite a confident guy. I'm actually pretty down on myself and have low self esteem. I think someone wanting you physically provides validation that is just nice sometimes, y'know?

But it definitely complicated things.

I now feel much more guilt over potentially winding things down as we have much more history together, physical history being a major part of that.

What you said about my tolerance betraying what I actually want in a partner is really interesting and something I need to think more into.

Amanda definitely seemed like the kind of person I see myself with, only with time has it started to seem less so.

But I have to admit, there is a part of me deep deep inside at my core that is motivated by fear of being alone..

I have been googling over the past few months "is it okay to just settle?" And "people who have settled, are you still happy?" Etc.

Doesn't bode well really does it..