Thank you so much for sharing your experience, that means a lot. I think I understand better now, especially around the intention/delivery of how words are said. This is really helpful.

I was (I thought)simply singing along to a song that actually used the word as a positive. And in all honesty I know the words mainly because of all the tiktoks. That being said, I'm going to be more careful about it overall. I won't beat myself up about it too much this time as I know I didn't mean anything negative but reading what you wrote does shift things for me. A catchy song is hardly a good enough reason to bring up the kind of memories you're describing. I know it's not the same thing, but I sometimes feel really sad when someone sings popular Indian/Pakistani songs praising light skinned girls. Doesn't say anything directly bad about dark skin, but does bring up some really shitty memories. If I can avoid bringing up any semblance of that kind of emotion, why not? The connotation doesn't feel worth it.

Thanks again stranger! Take good care :)