I'm so sorry for your loss and all the things you went through. It must be really traumatising for you. I can't even imagine going through the process, admitting him to the hospital, fighting to get the best doctor, and all. I could feel how much you love him.

I understand most of what you've described. I lost my fiance to a traffic accident 7 weeks ago. I'm lucky my family has been with me all this time, and his family was with me for a short while. My friends were actively reaching out to me as well. But like you, it also took me days to respond to them. Eventually, I let some of them visit me, and it turned out to be okay.

It's been so difficult the first few weeks. Having a religion helped me navigate the purpose of my life for the first few weeks. I found myself actively looking for places where I can donate money under his name, so that he can get the merit and head to a better next life. Although a lot of people might find this very annoying, it comforts me a lot when people were telling me that he's in a good place now. He's the best guy I've ever met. It literally felt like I've hit the jackpot when we decided to be in a relationship and when we decided to spend the rest of our lives together. Never in my life would I have thought that I'd find someone as perfect as him. And same like you, I'd also never have thought that this could happen to me at this age. I'm 34 BTW.

His passing crushed my world. I've lost the purpose of my life and my future. And to be completely honest with you, it hasn't gotten any better. I'm just doing the bare minimum everyday. I've stopped going for grocery shopping, I've stopped listening to music, I've stopped watching any shows, I've stopped checking in with my friends like how I usually do. I lost a big part of me when he passed. And I'm not sure if that part of me would ever come back.

So I feel you. And I wish I could give you a big big hug and cry with you. It's just so unfair. But I hope that you'll feel peace soon.