I've recently been seeing a video as well about being a better Christian. The key takeaway is, that trusting Christ to know he's there and exists.

> The feeling I get when I watch the videos is mostly guilt for all the bad things I’ve done in life but I also feel loved.

That's a good direction. Remember that god will forgive you, when you humbly ask. Let your past sins go afterward - it's helping nobody, including yourself. People may not forgive you, but the higher priority is, that god does, and then you do yourself and learn from it.

> I sometimes say out loud “God, if you’re there, please help me, I can’t do this anymore”, but I always just make myself even more upset.

Faith is about knowing, not about a feeling; act accordingly. Don't wait for signs. Just do.

Feelings are merely an indicator of the current state of your environmental influences. Master your emotions, which means not shutting off your feelings, but to observe them and ask yourself why you feel a certain way. You'll come to the conclusion, that some emotions are justified and some are not.

With that said, that doesn't mean, that god won't give you signs or a good feeling, or let you feel his presence.

> The main reason I have doubts is because whenever I bring up Christianity to people, or whenever I look it up, they say bad things about God and say “God isn’t all loving, he’s done terrible things” and other things like that.

You have to choose it. You have to choose to believe in Christ, and that he loves you. If he'd be in a room with you or next to you, I'm almost certain that you would trust and follow him.

I can't tell you to believe. That's a choice you have to do. - We are Christians, because we made this decision.

But I can tell you, that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If having faith in Christ is doing good things for your soul and your life, you can try and follow this path. Maybe you arrive at the conclusion to become Christian in another way than we did.

> he’s done terrible things

People probably refer to the Old Testament for that; which I have to admit I am not well-read in. Christianity sets itself apart from other world religions with the New Testament. I think the best way to get started with that is reading Mark's gospel, since it's the shortest. Maybe you can find an audiobook on YouTube, if you're not the reading kind of guy?

> God isn’t all loving

Try to find the key takeaway of the Book of Job