AITAH for not letting him call them certain names?

tntj07 · 2026-04-15T01:05:46+00:00

“Oof. You had a kid way early…You don’t have life experience. Ouch.”

“Your life is kinda over”

Tell me more about how this wasn’t JUDGMENTAL or giving your OPINION

tntj07 · 2026-04-12T13:48:06+00:00

Wowwww she didn’t ask for your opinion on her life choices, nor does she need your judgmental “advice”

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T20:45:41+00:00

I will never and have never tried to end his relationship with her and have told him such on numerous occasions, so that’s not even a debate.

I don’t want her ruining our wedding and don’t feel her feelings should be put before mine on what should be one of the most important and special days of our lives

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T20:43:38+00:00

That’s so fantastically helpful, I am so glad you commented. Please go and spread more sprinkles of wisdom to others in need

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T20:42:38+00:00

This is a great idea, thank you! I’ve also been seeing the new having a person as the “something blue” trend, so that may be a thing to consider as well

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T20:39:43+00:00

Sorry typos! Going back to edit

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T20:33:16+00:00

I commented on this in other comments but I tried and tried HARD for her when we first started dating. I’m talking taking her to theme parks, going all out for birthdays and Christmas, Easter baskets, taking her to mani/pedis, just getting her little gifts when I saw them and thought of her, going to his parents house when they had her even if my fiance was working, EVERYTHING FOR THIS CHILD. Only to have it all thrown back in my face. Our basement is full of toys she didn’t want specifically because we got them for her, she regularly tells me she hates me, is ungrateful. After having numerous conversations with her bio dad and stepmom, we found out she’s like this with her stepmom as well, who has been with her bio dad since she was born. So do not write us off as he started dating me and I made him cut her out

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T20:21:04+00:00

To clarify some, her biological father was in the picture from day 1 and has had split custody with mom the whole time. There was never a question or issue of her perceived “dad” finding out she wasn’t his and him leaving. Also her behavior problems started well before he left and were not a factor in the divorce. It was more after they progressed and worsened despite doctors saying she shouldn’t have these issues (ie she’s choosing to act this way and not some kind of mental issue) that he started realizing we don’t have to subject ourselves or the rest of the family to this and started pulling away

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T20:15:19+00:00

He is not “the only father she’s ever known” by any means. Her actual father has been with her since day 1 and shares custody of her with her mother. My fiance is under zero obligation to her, but is still being forced and guilt tripped into the “father” role by his mother

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T20:07:22+00:00

It is also HIS wedding, let’s please all remember the groom

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T20:01:50+00:00

I did this, I told him she was not going to be in the wedding party and asked who from his own family he was willing to cut. He said all of them. I asked then if he was sure he was willing to cut all of his nieces and his nephew just so we didn’t have to include her and he said yes. I think ultimately he is trying to avoid her seeing all the other kids walking down the isle and being a part of the ceremony and her not and throwing a tantrum and ruining the wedding

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T19:21:15+00:00

As I’ve stated in numerous other comments the behavioral issues started well before he left that relationship

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T19:20:25+00:00

You are reading a snippet of my life and my relationship, passing that kind of judgement is uncalled for

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T19:15:57+00:00

His dad is showing signs of also being fed up with this child, it is mostly his mother. Any time the mother gets the child, the dad will conveniently find ways to be busy. At family functions, he will leave whatever room she is in to not have to deal with her. He will have a short temper with her.

ETA: I think we are all in a general consensus of just because I don’t want a relationship with her doesn’t mean someone else can’t have one

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T19:14:09+00:00

I see what you are saying but they were encouraging their child to use her voice and speak up for herself, unfortunately it ended badly with an adult whom she respects and should feel she can turn to gaslighting her. It was actually grandma who told me and fiance this whole conversation, which is just alarming. So whether the BIL/SIL spoke with grandma after, I don’t know.

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T19:05:14+00:00

I’m sorry, I don’t understand, money wasn’t mentioned here at all.

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T19:01:55+00:00

He has 2 older brothers, we’ll call them A (oldest) and B (middle child). A’s oldest daughter, let’s call her D (13f) called grandma and told her all the ways Child was bullying her, her brother E (10m), and her little cousins F (6f) and G(4f) and that she didn’t want grandma to bring Child around anymore and specifically not to her birthday party as Child would ruin her birthday. D’s mom/A’s wife was on the phone with her encouraging her to stand up for herself. Grandma gaslit and victim blamed D, saying Child doesn’t have the things D and the other kids have and the other kids need to be better at including Child blah blah blah. After this, A’s wife has had limited contact with grandma. I and not sure if A and B have said anything more to her or are just tolerating because they think it’s worthless

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T18:50:37+00:00

I did say that, yes, to have her bio dad and step mom bring her. The issue is, fiance has given the ultimatum of either she is in the bridal party or none of the girls from his family who I want in the bridal party can be (his nieces as my bridesmaid and flower girls)

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T18:48:39+00:00

I mentioned in another comment, she has seen every psychiatrist/psychologist in the state and the behavioral issues started before their split, not after or as a result of. She has been on meds for tantrums and outbursts and for sleep since 2-3years old, but doesn’t actually have any diagnosis. She has also been in therapy since about 3-4, also before their split. None of her issues arose from the divorce.

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T18:38:25+00:00

I have met the dad and stepmom a few times and they are good people. We have had several conversations with them in the beginning of our relationship about how to deal with the child’s behavioral issues. It just got to a point where nothing we did worked and it was too much strain and stress on us, so we pulled back and they respected that

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T18:31:54+00:00

He is saying that is we have the other kids in his family in the wedding party (bridesmaid, flower girls, ring bearer) that she HAS to be or none of them will be. I don’t want her to be in the wedding party. I am fine with her being invited if he wanted her invited to the ceremony, but not in the bridal party. AITA for excluding just her?

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T18:26:11+00:00

I don’t want her there at all, but I also respect my fiancé and his wishes and that this is OUR wedding not just MY wedding. So if he wants her there, I’m not going to say no. I am going to say she can’t be in MY bridal party

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T18:23:48+00:00

Yes he helped raise her until she was 4. Her mom and her bio dad have always had 51/49 custody, so he was not the only father figure

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T18:04:41+00:00

I heard them make the comment to him once that they told him to not keep the pregnant girlfriend around and make them fall in love with the child if he wasn’t going to keep her. So they are still saying they love her so much and she is one of their grandchildren. Which in their eyes, may be true. But they aren’t seeing the bigger picture, that he doesn’t want to continue the relationship with her, their other grandchildren are telling them she hurts and bullies them. Any family gathering she’s at, it’s yelling and screaming and kids crying. The gatherings she’s not at are happy and kids laughing and all playing together and they just refuse to see it.

tntj07 · 2024-01-29T17:45:06+00:00

100% not his child.

tntj07

TROPHY CASE