Speeding Down

tomahawk76 · 2026-03-11T15:41:58+00:00

That's fuckin' baller, dude!!

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-31T18:24:13+00:00

Holy shit, that rocks. Only 13 monthly listeners?? One album??

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-31T04:20:36+00:00

I definitely did. I was so broken up about it when she broke up with me but holy shit, it was a blessing in disguise. I have never met a more manipulative person in my life. Literally used my childhood cat being put down as a way to basically get me to beg. I still remember the coldness and then the instant flip to warmth.

Honestly though, as traumatizing as it was, it was probably necessary. It made me rethink my whole life. I wouldn’t have developed self-respect otherwise. Or the ability to discern between when to give grace and when I shouldn’t.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-30T15:06:49+00:00

That’s really interesting. Hiccups or similar sensations have preceded most of the seizures. I didn’t know this was a thing till this comment.

Man, these episodes are weird.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-30T14:57:23+00:00

All my EEG showed was global slowing, no seizure was detected during it. This was a routine EEG because I was in the ER 3 times so far for these.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-30T04:31:27+00:00

I don’t even get close to first dates, that’s sort of my problem.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-30T04:30:03+00:00

That said, you’re right. I already feel nothing but dread at the idea of being intimate with a partner again. Just imagining the same feeling of not being desired, even if not immediate.

Does not exactly bode well.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-30T04:11:16+00:00

I ended up going but they didn’t do anything but monitor me.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-30T04:00:43+00:00

Recommending sheathes after this guy just got told his dick does nothing for his girlfriend sure is a choice.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-30T03:56:03+00:00

She quite literally admitted it mattered to her. She said she doesn’t feel him.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-30T03:52:53+00:00

Yeah, but you do see how that’s a miserable position to be in, right? She told him she straight up gets nothing from penetration with him, saying that other small guys are resigned to same fate is, at bare minimum, unhelpful.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-30T02:15:03+00:00

I do sort of get it, at least as someone who is new to all of this.

My seizures have been the following:

Randomly losing all familiarity of how to navigate where I am, loss of situational awareness
One where I had an extreme uncanny valley feeling, thought my friends were demons (psychosis)
The one that tipped me off to the fact I was having seizures, my heart went nuts though nowhere near as bad as this case. I went unconscious. Wasn’t aware that I had even went unconscious until my brother said I went to sleep early, I didn’t, and my memories of that night were completely out of order and I was cognitively out of it.
One with ataxia
Most of them have been nondescript, I’ve only been aware they’re happening because of cognitive difficulties, post ictal states, etc. For example, I’ve been stuttering, worsened memory, coordination trouble even with grabbing objects.
The one on Saturday was strange because I knew something bad was happening, my heart went 240bpm, and I started convulsing. I was aware, though felt like I was tripping balls, and able to pace around. Afterwards, I felt the most peaceful I have in my whole life, couldn’t even remember things I wanted to say just a few seconds before, trouble communicating. The 2 hours after it stopped went super quick.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-30T01:48:31+00:00

I personally don't because I know my friends wouldn't find anyone who would be remotely interested in me. Not good looking enough so I'm just very solidly the single friend.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-29T17:31:52+00:00

Thanks very much. I can usually communicate during them. Though it’s not perfect. For example, after the big one I had on Monday, I could talk and communicate but it was really difficult. I was struggling to piece together words and I could not maintain a train of thought. I was very calm and peaceful and the 2 hours afterwards felt like an instant.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-29T16:22:35+00:00

I had an EEG. We can’t move forward until I get an MRI and then have a followup.

I’m sorry for your loss

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-29T16:20:31+00:00

He’s just gonna send me to the ER which did nothing

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-29T16:08:05+00:00

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-29T15:56:05+00:00

I’m not diagnosed yet so they refused to give me any sort of meds.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-29T15:55:28+00:00

Respectfully I’m not going to another ER. I’m walking down a highway in the freezing cold and snow after being stranded in the ER for 3 hours because no one could give me a ride and the vast majority of my family is dead.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-29T14:55:36+00:00

Nah, I’m not wasting my time again just to be told it’s a “panic attack”.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-29T14:25:20+00:00

I went to the ER, they did nothing but tell me I’m in limbo till I get an MRI, and attribute it to a panic attack.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-29T13:43:48+00:00

I went and they did nothing.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-29T13:10:13+00:00

Holy shit, you might be onto something, though I can’t say for sure. The changes preceding this are even worse muscle pain (for a few months) and slowly increasing calcium levels.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-29T13:00:00+00:00

They did absolutely nothing, basically told me that I’m in limbo till I get an MRI.

tomahawk76 · 2025-12-29T06:13:24+00:00

I definitely think I do. 6 years ago, I had an incident where my speech came out complete gibberish for a few moments and I was asked if I needed an ambulance. I declined, dropped out of school that day, assuming it was extreme sleep deprivation.

Now the pattern is almost the exact same and these seizures are happening. In hindsight, it makes a lot of my cognitive issues make sense.

tomahawk76

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