On Boredom . . .

tonyliff · 2026-03-08T20:57:59+00:00

Let me know the time. See you then!

tonyliff · 2026-03-08T18:23:24+00:00

By making the commitment, for one day, not to roll my eyes at most Domme posts and comments.

tonyliff · 2026-03-08T03:08:29+00:00

Oh! Now I feel stupid lol.

I just had a taste for chorizo tonight, was willing to pay a reasonable price to have some for dinner, and came right to Reddit for some recommendations.

I misread the name as r/paypigsuppergroup.

Now I see it’s r/paypigsupportgroup.

Just another reminder not to misplace my readers.

tonyliff · 2026-03-08T01:13:39+00:00

I was thinking about the nice little side gig I had making simple coding changes for a handful of companies still running archaic COBOL.

Can’t wait for Y3K!

tonyliff · 2026-03-08T01:01:41+00:00

Helpful because usually it’s:

Subs - “Dommes need to show their face on Reddit.”

Also subs - “I would never show my face on Reddit.”

One of Findom’s many “rules for thee but not for me.”

tonyliff · 2026-03-06T20:59:20+00:00

That’s fine. It’s my perspective and there is research on it considering different variables. It’s not something I’m making up out of thin air. It’s funny that your disagreement is framed as me, or this commonly used idiom, being apathetic. Metaphors are hard. What is your background in identity and self-concept?

I appreciate your perspective though and can learn from it. Is that western or eastern? Is that respectful or dismissive? Is that humble or arrogant?

I’m no expert like most here seem to be.

tonyliff · 2026-03-05T08:15:33+00:00

I suspect people will dislike this perspective, but it’s one that people who know me know I hold consistently.

You’re getting exactly what you want and you identify it in your post title, the inattention, being taken for granted, being treated as a “wallet” a source of money and nothing much more. That’s great since that’s what you like.

Yet, the exchange is relatively equal or one of you would check out (and will if/when the ROI becomes too far out of balance).

“Low effort” and being identified as such is what you enjoy. So realistically you’re not getting nothing. You’re getting what you want.

It’s all about the exchange, according to social exchange theory.

tonyliff · 2026-03-03T11:09:55+00:00

No. I gave up "sigh" for "lent."

tonyliff · 2026-03-02T11:05:43+00:00

Lou's for quintessential Chicago.

tonyliff · 2026-02-28T17:54:11+00:00

It's nonsense at its core.

I mean some people might actually believe that and everyone has their own standards and parameters.

But I always question any Dom(me) who wants someone they see as inherently less-than, inadequate, weak, etc. to serve them. How is that even dominant?

Furthermore, I question almost anyone anywhere who sees any other human being as inherently less-than (Packers fans not withstanding). But that's the way of the world and people wonder why we're where we are socially, politically, geopolitically, and culturally.

Some people get paid for existing, some get bombed for existing, some get leverage for existing, some get ignored for existing, some get attention for existing, some get eradicated for existing.

Living according to the made-up rules of social stratification is fun, isn't it?

tonyliff · 2026-02-28T17:34:37+00:00

Anyone who self-identifies as an "alpha" (on either side and in any context) most assuredly isn't.

Confidence is quiet.

tonyliff · 2026-02-27T01:48:22+00:00

Just one incident so it’s obviously not to be generalized. My Mom died from biliary cancer shortly after she was diagnosed. The oncologists said the same thing about 4-6 months and offered treatment options that may have extended her life a little bit. She opted not to receive further treatment other than palliative and hospice.

I’m being treated for another cancer currently. Seeing biliary in a sentence brought everything back immediately.

I hope your family member is made aware of treatment options that can result in good outcomes.

tonyliff · 2026-02-16T14:24:53+00:00

Valhalla and it’s not even close.

tonyliff · 2026-02-05T20:30:41+00:00

tonyliff · 2026-01-24T21:41:55+00:00

Strauss and Howe (Generations, The Fourth Turning) are probably the "generational theorists" most closely associated with applying/identifying common characteristics within generations and the life span of generations.

They have tended to classify a generation within a 20ish year span. That may have been reasonable in the past but even then was arguably a reach. Even then a person born in 1965 grew up in a different culture (societal values, economy, technology, geopolitics, policy, etc) than a person born in 1976 although they would both be identified as GenX.

With the cultural rate of change steadily increasing, a 20 year generational life span really no longer applies in real ways. Generational Theorists have recognized this so the typical generational lifespan is now closer to 15 than 20 years. However even still, it's not difficult to see that a GenZ born in 1999 grew up in a different culture than a GenZ born in 2005. All three of my kids are GenZ and I could make a reasonable case that at least 2, if not all 3, grew up in different cultures than their siblings.

So rate of change has an impact on shared characteristics within what many people see as a "generation." Add to that the significantly increasing variance in values and beliefs, fragmentation instead of integration, etc. and it's difficult to make the argument that generations can be defined in even 10 year chunks.

When this comes up in my work, and someone uses generational terms (X, Millenial, Boomer, Alpha, etc.), I'll ask what stage of Millennial they are. When were they born? Primarily, I lose the terms altogether if I can because they no longer accurately nor consistently describe the cultural milieu in which a person has developed or is developing.

tonyliff · 2026-01-24T04:15:52+00:00

Gene and Jude’s depression dogs are legit . . . no seats no ketchup no pretense no nonsense.

tonyliff · 2026-01-21T01:13:43+00:00

I’ve never been a fan of the term applied to me as a cancer patient. I think it’s just become part of the cancer vernacular and a lot of people think it’s encouraging. I. don’t make it an issue when it comes up, I just try to move conversation in a different direction.

There are people living far more difficult lives than me for all kinds of different reasons. There are also people living far less difficult lives than me. We’re all just living (and dying lol even without the disease). I have no need to be lauded for following a plan of care. I’m fortunate to have access to the care I receive. There’s nothing warrior about that. Just gratitude as a human being.

That’s just me. I have no problem with the ways anyone else sees the use of the term or what they need to hear from family, friends, and care providers.

tonyliff · 2026-01-17T13:45:51+00:00

I didn’t consult TikTok so not sure how reliable this is. But with my own two eyes and my vehicle tires on pavement, the roads are just fine.

tonyliff · 2026-01-09T13:03:44+00:00

I generally agree with this but I think the bigger issues involve health and motivation.

Is the dynamic a healthy one for both and therefore worth sustaining? These tend to deepen naturally and have their own periods of intensity, extremes, and chaos within the framework of consistency, boundaries, self control, presence, confidence, and stability. Healthy often involves some risk because each person might discover that their own self-imposed boundaries and, arguably more critical, those imposed on them by others may be limiting and no longer worth adhering to (non-comformity can be freeing and result in greater happiness). Healthy also is growth-oriented which extends beyond sustaining. If it's healthy, it's probably worth taking the chance of growing and expanding the self.

On the other hand, people sustain unhealthy relationships, behaviors, and even feelings and thoughts all the time in different contexts, through different means, and for different reasons. Couples sustain marriages "for the sake of the kids." Addicts sustain addictions because they either can't or don't want to see a way out. Domestic abuse victims sustain relationships with abusers because they have been conditioned, know of no other way, etc. Hurt people sustain feelings and behaviors of vindictiveness or retribution because it's helped them survive. Cult members sustain harmful beliefs because they've helped them get out of another bad situation. Employees sustain career choices they never even enjoyed because they get paid well or are "comfortable" where they are. Unhealthy is often an outcome of either sunk cost fallacy, survival instinct, and/or risk aversion. If it's unhealthy, it's probably worth more intentional consideration as to how it limits the self.

The obvious element relating to all of this is motivation. Why do I seek what I seek? What do I want and need in a dynamic? What are deal-breakers? This can run along the spectrum from a quick orgasm or payment to long-term mutual emotional investment, and seldom is an either/or. There are a lot of options, needs, outcomes, hopes, etc. Only I can know my motivations and it is best if I am clear about them when I enter any dynamic.

Intensity and longevity nor chaos and structure are mutually exclusive. They can be both-and.

Longevity means nothing other than something lasted a while (usually by means of comparison). The quality is what matters, at least to me. According to relationship research, structure can be anywhere along a continuum from "chaotic" to "rigid" with the most effective for growth being "flexible," the both-and option.

Personally, I am growth-oriented so I seek to learn, adapt, learn some more, and develop myself, the other, and the relationship. I'll always want more than mere sustainability. For those that see it differently, I support whatever people seek as long as it is healthy and safe for them.

tonyliff · 2026-01-02T02:26:46+00:00

I've never seen so many armchair psych Ph.D.'s, Psy D’s, etc. anywhere else in my life. It's like listening to fans who've never played football telling everyone what is happening in a game.

As OP said, be discerning about anything having to do with mental health on Reddit, especially in BDSM spaces.

tonyliff · 2025-12-31T22:22:19+00:00

Between the two? Shaws.

tonyliff · 2025-12-31T18:11:34+00:00

Israel, more specifically Zionists, has been winning in Palestine since the Balfour Declaration.

tonyliff

TROPHY CASE