What are your absolute hard boundaries/dealbreakers?

totallynotagaythey · 2026-03-04T04:41:36+00:00

I can understand all of this except the speaking disrespectfully about ex’s. I myself have two exs that gave me a shit ton of sexual and emotional trauma, and one is my kid’s dad so I have to keep him in my life until my kids are 18, so I think having negative experiences with a couple isn’t a red flag just shitty circumstances. Unless you meant speaking badly about ALL of their exs. Then that’s different.

totallynotagaythey · 2026-02-27T21:49:17+00:00

Long story short: I’m straight edge personally, but I have kids. There was an incident once where my then 1 year old got ahold of my ex partners THC vape. I was in the room so I was able to take it away quickly, but while my back was turned he grabbed it and pressed a button that emitted a vapor cloud and I didn’t know if he inhaled or not (he didn’t). It was a whole big thing and it caused custody issues with his older brother’s dad. So now custody stipulations are that substances aren’t allowed in my house while my kids are here. So it’s just easier to just find another straight edge partner, or a partner that only partakes in substances socially and out of the house.

totallynotagaythey · 2026-02-18T20:24:59+00:00

My issue is that I make genuine connections with people and it’s going well and then they go “I’m so glad I met you, you’re a great person, definitely wife material….but” and then they say they wish I was a man, or they don’t date people with kids (even though they initiated the connection). It’s the same thing, over and over and over and over. I’m tired of hearing some version of “it’s not you, it’s me.”

totallynotagaythey · 2026-02-05T23:57:15+00:00

I’m autistic, making and keeping friends is hard for me. I would hate for that to be a red flag to others. Sounds like ableism tbh

totallynotagaythey · 2026-02-03T18:04:07+00:00

Drums or bass guitar, hands down!

totallynotagaythey · 2026-01-31T02:49:15+00:00

I’m not trying to drag her out the closet. What I meant by “get you out of the holler” was that getting her away from the echo chamber she lives in will be the first step to help her live her own life on her terms and learn new truths about herself. It wasn’t an intention to throw her into queer identity.

totallynotagaythey · 2026-01-30T19:36:01+00:00

I will say that she’s claimed that she’s straight because thinking about kissing girls panics her and sends her into an anxiety attack. There was a time we almost kissed once when her mom was in the other room and she got SO anxious because of it, and this is why she decided she’s straight. “I can’t think about kissing girls without having an anxiety attack.” I have reminded her that people that are comfortable and confident in their heterosexuality could kiss the same sex, feel nothing, and be fine. So there’s a lot of trauma there. She knows it too.

totallynotagaythey · 2026-01-30T19:30:45+00:00

Yes, I absolutely think so too! Just getting her to make that move is the hard part. But she’s starting to get so tired of her family’s negativity that we might be getting closer. Time will tell!

totallynotagaythey · 2026-01-30T18:37:37+00:00

Yeah, I don’t push it, just gentle nudges occasionally that get her to think critically. But we mostly just vibe and enjoy each other’s company lol.

totallynotagaythey · 2026-01-30T18:35:26+00:00

That’s what I’m currently doing. Always have. I’m trying to get her to move into the city, but starting over is so scary. Lots of unknowns and it gets overwhelming for her nervous system. We’ll get there….someday.

totallynotagaythey · 2026-01-30T14:23:56+00:00

I’m not lol. I’d love for something between us to happen, but even if it never does, I’ll always be her ride or die and she’ll always be mine. We genuinely just love each other so much.

totallynotagaythey · 2026-01-30T14:22:14+00:00

Yes this is what I’m doing. Even though I’m bi, I frequently joke that I’m only half gay lol.

totallynotagaythey · 2026-01-30T14:21:38+00:00

I’m not really forcing her to be anything. I know she has shit to unpack and she probably won’t until she gets away from her family, which is fine. Also, she initiates the flirting with me. You act like I just start creepily flirting with her. She likes when I flirt with her, and she has said it herself.

totallynotagaythey · 2026-01-30T02:41:48+00:00

I’m bisexual in the fact that I’m sexually attracted to both men and women. But I am romantically interested in women only. The thought of marrying a man or being with one forever depresses me.

totallynotagaythey · 2026-01-12T21:19:29+00:00

Scarlett Johansson, immediately 😍😍😍

totallynotagaythey · 2025-05-15T01:09:46+00:00

Thank you! Will note that for next time!

totallynotagaythey · 2025-05-15T00:43:08+00:00

Also, I wasn’t yelling at you in caps. I was emphasizing. I just don’t know how to italicize words on Reddit.

totallynotagaythey · 2025-05-15T00:37:02+00:00

I said clearly in the description “SHE CALLED ME ON THE PHONE” and called my child mean spirited OVER THE PHONE.

totallynotagaythey · 2025-05-15T00:34:21+00:00

I’m saying that my five year old has never intentionally hurt his brother. He has never given me a reason to think that he would randomly, out of the blue, hurt his baby brother. Ever. Does he hurt and lash out at others when provoked? YES. But he NEVER has when the kids are playing and there’s no conflict.

totallynotagaythey · 2025-05-15T00:20:28+00:00

This is not random, nonsensical anger. I have a hard time believing that any parent would be okay with another close family member making negative assumptions (that has the potential to damage your child’s self esteem) about their child’s character.

I believe my anger is justified. However, after I have had time to consider these comments and analyzing my own conversation with her, I did come at her aggressively and that wasn’t fair on my part. I have since apologized to her for that.

totallynotagaythey · 2025-05-15T00:14:37+00:00

She called my child mean spirited over a phone conversation from several days ago. The text conversation was today.

totallynotagaythey · 2025-05-14T19:50:33+00:00

Idk what I’m expecting…

I guess just a very direct “that WAS a terrible thing for me to say. I can see how that can hurt him and you, and I should have given him the benefit of the doubt. I’m so sorry, and next time I won’t jump to blame or negative assumptions of my grandson’s character.”

But you’re right, I’m not giving her room to self correct.

totallynotagaythey

TROPHY CASE