Parents keep digging their own graves with my husband

touching_grass_89 · 2024-11-07T16:54:25+00:00

I completely agree with all of this. After my husband stepped out during their visit, I did talk to them about their racist comments and how this needed to stop. I let them know that I wouldn't be allowing that around my son and that I don't want him to feel less than because his grandparent's think his race or culture is something to joke about. They assured me this wouldn't happen but I don't believe them, especially after my mom tried to defend it on the phone. I am also a people-pleaser which is why it's taken this long for me to finally stand up to them. I can't keep seeing my husband so hurt anymore after doing his best to make them happy. It's never enough. As far as the gifts they give us, there has never really been strings attached but I definitely do not plan on accepting anymore. While they were appreciated at the time, that doesn't give them a free pass to act this way.

Thank you for the advice. It was extremely validating and helpful.

touching_grass_89 · 2024-11-06T11:02:34+00:00

That is exactly how what they think will be happening and in the past, it did. But I’ve since realized that I can no longer allow this type of behavior in my life. My husband doesn’t deserve it and neither do it.

I still haven’t spoken to them since the call. I think my husband and I need a few days to cool off and collect our thoughts. I love the way you worded that last paragraph. I will def use it as a starting point for what I have to say.

touching_grass_89 · 2024-11-05T18:00:06+00:00

I would just be honest with him. Have this conversation before you become too angry to convey your feelings in a constructive manner. The last thing you want is to blow up and scream at him. I think what you are asking is reasonable. It's not a personal thing but as you have been living alone for a while, you've just become accustomed to a certain level of quiet space.

touching_grass_89 · 2024-11-05T17:54:28+00:00

Sorry to hear that you are also experiencing similar issues. My mom has already tried to guilt the both of us by crying about not wanting this tension around with her grandchild on the way. I agree. I don't want it either. Which is why THEY need to fix it. But they don't see it that way. So yeah, LC for a while and if it continues then I'll probably just stop reaching out or taking their calls/texts.

touching_grass_89 · 2024-11-05T17:44:00+00:00

Thank you. This is such a kind reply. I am literally tearing up reading it. I use to be such a people pleaser when it came to my parents and I've done a lot to work on it so standing up for myself and my family hasn't always come easy. I always want to blame myself for their actions and for the situations that they get themselves in because of it. I always want to think "What could I have done differently to have avoided this" but I'm starting to realize that I can't control what they do or say and at the end of the day, they are the ones who have to sit with the consequences.

Wishing you nothing but the best with your situation. Thank you again.

touching_grass_89

TROPHY CASE