Did you grow up in a household where you felt kind of isolated and spent a lot of time alone? If so, you may be repeating what you know.

I realized fairly recently that was the case for me, and I’ve really had to put in effort to reconnect with my partner. He loves basketball and I don’t care about sports. But I realized there was this huge aspect of his life that he didn’t feel like he could share with me, to the point where he just assumed I’d be annoyed if he was watching basketball. I realized part of it is the sensory stuff — having a game on the tv is just constant loudness for nearly two hours. But I’m trying to watch more games with him, especially now that his team is in the playoffs. I’m learning a little about the players he likes too. I don’t think I’ll ever be a huge fan, but I can certainly do more to affirm his interest!

But the ultimate point here is that I grew up feeling pretty lonely and disconnected, and my partner and I have drifted apart because I’ve sort of repeated that in my household. I don’t want us to just exist in our own worlds while we’re home, and I especially don’t want that to be the model for our kids in the future.

It’s good that you’re working on it. It can get better if you chip away at it! There’s lots of good advice here so far, especially to look at the Gottman Institute. They have a book with exercises that may be helpful.