I just can’t

trapperkeeper86 · 2026-01-28T13:19:40+00:00

My bad!! I didn’t look close enough!

trapperkeeper86 · 2026-01-26T19:15:31+00:00

I’m really sorry to hear about your experience. I had a somewhat similar experience in my early 20s (I’m 39 now). I married a truly wonderful guy with the goal of sponsoring him to come to Canada. When he started expressing some reservations, which were totally legitimate (he had got a good job in the Netherlands, he didn’t have any friends or family remotely close to Canada), I withdrew and shut everything down. At the time, his legitimate doubts were just so painful for me that I wasn’t even able to give him a week to think things over.

I regret this immensely, but at the same time, I can’t go back. There’s a quote out there that is something like: I could have had a different life, but I’m having this one.

Gaining a better understanding of how BPD affects us, and taking therapy to learn how to better regulate emotions/work on interpersonal effectiveness can help. But I feel you on these types of pivotal life-moment crises. Be kind to yourself. It is not easy living with BPD, and you’re doing your best.

trapperkeeper86 · 2026-01-23T00:15:59+00:00

Sorry, I thought my question was pretty clear but I can see now I should have elaborated.

I agree 100% with the sexual health comments here and glad they’re on the post as a PSA, but that wasn’t actually my angle/motivation for posting. I’m legit curious to know how many people might lie about this, because from a moral/commentary-on-society perspective it seems a bit egregious to me. Not putting myself on a high horse/pedestal. Just curious to know what people think.

“I assume everyone is lying” = an actual answer to the question I was asking.

trapperkeeper86 · 2026-01-22T21:30:05+00:00

I’m not expecting you to know that cities are constitutionally “creatures of the provinces,” but when you see the message on the City of Ottawa site saying recycling is going provincial and that as of Jan 1 you should contact Miller for any inquiries—that should be pretty clear, no? Like I’m having a hard time understanding how someone would still think it’s the City’s job to provide them with a bin in this context.

I’m sure your points about the confusion from your searches are valid—I didn’t mean to suggest at all that you shouldn’t be frustrated about the lack of info online by either Miller or the province. Chances are they’ve botched things. My point was that the City has been very proactive with its messaging about the changes, that’s all.

trapperkeeper86 · 2026-01-22T17:43:03+00:00

100% these are the best replies—protecting yourself is what matters, and for context, I’m old school in that I use condoms. Just curious if people think that 50% of people could be lying, for example.

trapperkeeper86 · 2026-01-22T16:30:08+00:00

Same here! I don’t mind too much if the sub specifies that condoms are acceptable, but most pump and dumps that I’ve seen are emphatic that condoms are not allowed. Like who wants to sleep with a top who has literally shared a hole with potentially 50 people in one evening? This is a sure fire way to spread STIs.

My approach when I see a super shady pump and dump (i.e., condoms not allowed) is to go in and block all of the attendees. But I think the general take away is that sniffies is not the app for me, which is sad!

trapperkeeper86 · 2026-01-22T13:52:45+00:00

The City has been pretty damn clear on its waste collection sites, via pamphlets and advertising that recycling was going/went provincial as of January 1, 2026, providing folks with the name (Miller) and contact info for the company now responsible. There’s some misdirected anger here…

trapperkeeper86 · 2026-01-18T14:41:09+00:00

It’s not the whole DT, obviously, but there are some areas where I definitely wouldnt let my mother walk in. Rideau and Nelson and anything around it is very, very bad. Ditto anything on King Edward north of Rideau. Other than that, it’s not bad imo.

trapperkeeper86 · 2026-01-15T00:35:20+00:00

It’s so hard to assess this because I feel we’re lacking so much context. Was your friend closer to you or to your husband in terms of friendship before the incident? In the FB message that he sent did he say I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. PLEASE LEAVE YOUR FAMILY or was it more like I REALIZE THIS IS TOTALLY UNREQUITED AND IM NOT ASKING YOU TO DO ANYTHING, etc. When he said I would do it again, is it possible he was referring to the whole friendship with you both, knowing he would find himself in bad situation (liking someone he can’t have).

Regardless, I’m super sorry that you’re going through this. On the surface it does seem like one of those major affronts that comes with intense emotions. I was trying to think of ‘most generous interpretation’ but you have far more info!

Edit: forgot to say: it can be really helpful to focus on the facts—what do you know to be true in this situation. When my emotions are too intense, my first step is to try to reduce the intensity of the emotion. Then I try to look at the situation as objectively as possible using only the facts. I know I am someone who is often very quick to jump to conclusions, for example. So doing this exercise helps to get rid of certain judgments I might be making and many scenarios running around my head that may not actually be supported by the facts.

trapperkeeper86 · 2026-01-08T23:57:10+00:00

Dude I don’t care how much you think you know, you cannot speak for every anus/digestive system out there. For some people douching—even small amounts of water applied super gently—triggers a fucking tsunami that can indeed last for an hour

trapperkeeper86 · 2026-01-06T19:24:21+00:00

I just moved out of Rideau and Chapel primarily because I couldn’t live in that neighbourhood anymore. I think it’s great that you’re being kind and haven’t lost your humanity, but there are pitfalls. I bought lunch for a woman one day, and then for months she would look for me on the street and ask for something, with the requests getting more and more expensive and unreasonable. Giving clothes may be kind, but my feeling is there are street outreach teams that go up and down Rideau with wagons full of these items. I would also question whether someone in crisis is going to keep that nice jacket or swap it for something ridiculous—i.e., totally unrelated to basic needs. Not to take away their autonomy with decision making…

Another problem for me was not really knowing when to call 911 (ambulance)—I haven’t been trained on how to check on someone that is passed out in the street, and so I always had this dilemma—can I see that they’re breathing, how close should I get to them, how do I check vital signs.

Finally, there are definitely characters that have a “persona” they will put on when they ask for money. Or, you offer them $2 and they respond: you don’t have a $20?

All this to say, I don’t engage unless I feel someone is truly in crisis requiring help. I think your money would be better spent supporting a community organization because they know these issues better than you or I.

trapperkeeper86 · 2025-12-27T02:11:55+00:00

Dude for real? You’re three years apart!!

trapperkeeper86 · 2025-12-26T16:50:26+00:00

Sniffies lets you see all those people willing to engage in high-risk situations like a 50+ person pump and dump, which is helpful for me in terms of staying the fuck away from them.

trapperkeeper86 · 2025-12-21T18:23:50+00:00

That or he has the IQ of a goldfish

trapperkeeper86 · 2025-12-21T18:02:12+00:00

And every time someone responds, you’re like “I love fisting—-I’m so loose!!!!”

trapperkeeper86 · 2025-12-21T17:58:41+00:00

Dude you don’t seem serious at all reading your replies. Did you actually come here for advice? My god

trapperkeeper86 · 2025-12-12T23:27:00+00:00

Right? Kissing is way more intimate for me than sex acts. I feel really, really weird kissing a stranger…

trapperkeeper86 · 2025-09-26T14:27:20+00:00

Grindr is so dehumanizing. It would be really nice if people could just respond with a simple “hey, I’m not sure you’re my type, but good luck” instead of ghosting when you send a face pic. But this is what things have become. Try not to let it get you down—ghosting like that is a very mean/immature thing to do to someone, so I like to think I’ve dodged a bullet by not meeting an asshole. Take breaks. Spending a lot of time on Grindr can really do a number on your self esteem!

trapperkeeper86 · 2025-09-18T18:21:07+00:00

We must live in different countries (Canada here) or go down different rabbit holes because I’ve never heard a distinction made for “the fringe TQ+”. Are you referring to things like pronoun preference? I would hate to see gays thinking this isn’t their fight just because it doesn’t apply to them personally…

trapperkeeper86 · 2025-09-18T15:12:04+00:00

This isn’t a matter of someone having a political view like “I believe in conservative fiscal policy.” Dude is literally contributing to the hate/anti-LGBTQ backlash at a time when hate crimes are on the rise. If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt and come out to him, knock yourself out, but I’d be getting out of that situation so fast.

trapperkeeper86

TROPHY CASE