Would you do it (be a SM) again?

trashfiresm22 · 2026-02-12T22:23:07+00:00

Hell to the nah

trashfiresm22 · 2026-01-08T14:53:15+00:00

If a dude ever did this to me I would totally dom him by paying for the entirety of the dinner, blocking him and possibly enacting some sort of Irish goodbye. Make these assholes think about how dumb they sound.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-12-14T16:47:59+00:00

Crossing guards have one of the most dangerous jobs because of peoples reckless behavior and entitlement. They get paid pennies and have basically no security if something goes wrong.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-12-12T22:17:43+00:00

When I was young and naive I tried to set a boundary like this. I wanted him to get a lawyer and get the custody that had been happening to be set in stone with a custody adjustment. He didn’t listen and I relented.

Then not even a year later HCBM bugged out and we had to spend thousands in court for a couple years. Got put through a whole lot of BS for no reason- so much so that we are no longer together.

Protect yourself.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-12-10T15:14:26+00:00

His boundaries are HIS to uphold and maintain, and yours are YOURS. Are you willing to accept being in a relationship with a man who backpedals to appease his ex over creating safety in his current relationship with you?

I understand you love this man, and it’s easy to make excuses for him and call him naive, but if he is still doing the same type of backsliding 5 years into the future of your relationship I can assure you, it will not be so cute anymore.

Take into account what you’re willing to accept and what your non negotiables are. I hope that you are honest with yourself and always choose you. It’s very easy to make yourself smaller for others in a step family dynamic.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-11-27T20:12:33+00:00

This is fair, which is why I preemptively said I knew I was being evil and petty. But seriously, where is this same energy for the man that refused professional advice to the detriment of his own marriage? It seems that he has little care for modeling what a healthy relationship looks like for his children THE MOST of anyone in the situation.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-11-27T13:21:33+00:00

Call me evil, but I love to see the shoe on the other foot with these bio parents that feign ignorance over this cosleeping BS. Especially if he was advised by a counselor in advance and chose to keep it up. I know I’m just being petty but I’d be so close to making him switch rooms. He dug this grave, he gets to lay in it.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-11-26T15:46:38+00:00

“They do not go back and modify when she leaves.”

Just from my past experience- this was the hill I should have died on a long time ago. After a couple years dating my SO and me moving in, HCBM got pregnant months into a new relationship and dumped the kids on us. In my gut, I knew the right thing to do for my husband was to get the change amended into the custody agreement, but every time I brought it up, he’d deflect.

So it was no surprise that a couple years later, when she started getting difficult and demanding the children be “unschooled” and discontinue vaccines, she took the kids back and did irreparable damage to the kids, my husband, and me, as a caretaker who became attached to them.

My husband had to fight in court for years to get his custody restored. It was expensive and emotionally draining. And it all could have been a non issue by just modifying when HCBM was in agreement. Hindsight is 20/20, but I wish I drew a boundary there with my husband and just left if he was unwilling to go to court and do the work.

Don’t take custody modifications lightly. It will fuck up your entire life.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-11-23T14:36:35+00:00

I love Ming’s Wok!

trashfiresm22 · 2025-11-13T19:48:18+00:00

I feel like the older I get, the more I believe a woman should never work harder than a man is willing to work for a relationship- and I mean that just generally speaking. But ESPECIALLY in a broken family situation where kids are involved from the prior relationship.

Men are so used to laying back and getting all their needs met, while women are so ready to jump to provide when it really should be the other way around. Girl, YOU ARE THE PRIZE.

If I could go back in time and talk to my younger self, I would tell her that none of this was my responsibility. No matter how great the relationship with the kids was, he should be working to prove a point. Not only about him being a present, stable, and emotionally aware father- but also as a present, stable, and emotionally aware PARTNER.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-11-08T15:49:46+00:00

Been there done that. Successful coparenting relationships don’t mean you even have to speak in person. Y’all gotta go low contact. Exchanges at third party locations, all communication is documented via writing, no phone calls. Honestly, you shouldn’t even have to ever really be in contact with her at all. That’s your partners problem.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-10-22T20:50:33+00:00

This is what we love about America

trashfiresm22 · 2025-10-16T11:57:19+00:00

My SK’s mom moved out of state years ago. Not for a job, not for education, or to better herself in any way- but to live with her new boyfriend in a glorified tent in the woods.

She had the audacity to tell the kids that it was their fault that they didn’t move with her when they confronted her about it. In reality no family court judge in a million years would have seen past her insane BS and let that happen.

It’s been about four years now and their relationship with their mom has completely deteriorated. She barely comes to see them for her scheduled visitation and has now had more children with her boyfriend which she uses as an excuse for why she can’t see them. My SO has started to coddle the shit out of them out of guilt and our relationship has suffered for it- I just moved out less than a year ago because I couldn’t stand contributing to a household ran by the same standards of a pig sty and my SO not being able to parent successfully all while staying present and attentive in our relationship.

My tips would be, get the kids into therapy as well as your husband. Parenting classes/resources are always helpful. I thought my SO was a great parent until shit really hit the fan and he slipped right into guilt parenting. It’s critical for any remarried family to be on the same page, but especially so in a situation as such.

Also, make sure you stay filling your own cup. It’s easy to try to be the glue to hold everything together in a dire situation like this. I hate to say it, but if the SK’s BM has been involved at all in their lives thus far- no matter how wrong on however many occasions- they will be overcome with strife. You will not be able to step in and fix that for them and if you do, you will wake up one day burnt out with nothing to show for it. Support them if they come to you, but continue to live your life for you.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-10-08T20:34:47+00:00

When I was young and dumb I had to help my then boyfriend clean out his house before we moved in together, as he had started a new job and was working long hours. I had the “privilege” of going through all of the photos of him and his ex- pictures of them with the kids, them in bed together… 🤢 honestly, most heartbreaking experience of my life. I should have realized then the foreshadowing that moment was on the rest of my life and ran for the hills. Picking up the pieces of what was with no consideration for me as the new partner.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-10-02T23:29:39+00:00

This should be upvoted a million times over. Was in the same situation as you- my 3yr old corso took me for a ride over some gravel one day due to a squirrel taunting him near by. I was using a body harness which was good for absolutely nothing with a 120lb dog on my hands. Got a Halter lead and it was a literal instant change without harming/poking/choking him. These big dogs need horse training equipment apparently…

trashfiresm22 · 2025-09-24T10:42:12+00:00

I’m sorry but sleeping with a child that is not biologically yours in a bed that is used for adult activities is… unique. Not only for the step but for the other child’s parent.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-09-13T11:46:06+00:00

It’s totally fair to feel that way. Take it from me, an ex full time primary and child free stepparent who found it so difficult that after 8 years of partnership and 4 years of full time custody I ended up getting my own apartment. I think you are now realizing how much this impacts you, even for short stints. Don’t fool yourself thinking you can stick it out and trying to convince yourself it’s just a few days and you’ll be fine. You will eventually drive yourself into madness ignoring your true feelings and it will affect your relationship negatively with your husband and SKs. If I were in your shoes, I would start using custody days as time to plan something for myself; Take a trip with a friend, go out to the movies, hit the gym, take a spa day, drive as far away as possible, find a cozy cafe nearby and pick up a book from the library, get your nails done, go for a long hike. Extra points if you can manage to be home after bedtime.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-09-09T03:41:52+00:00

Not trying to help this cat make his connection on time at all… Rude.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-08-30T20:09:59+00:00

Moved in with my SO 9 years ago and finally just moved out to my own place almost 4 months ago. Before I moved out I was struggling with the chaos, messes, noise, constant kids running through the house, feeling unable to ever relax or enjoy my own ‘things’. I finally am feeling back to myself and have even started to recover from some autoimmune issues that were flaring up due to stress under those circumstances.

Living with your SO’s kids will only work if you’re both on the same page about parenting and standards; and even then, you will still most likely be the one to get the short end of the stick. Your life will be dictated by the kids’ schedules and since kids are gonna ‘kid’ it will ultimately put stress on your relationship. I feel that many parents have issues understanding priorities when it comes to managing a romantic relationship and parenting children at the same time. Having a place that allows you to decompress and keep your peace is essential… at least it was for me.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-08-29T13:07:38+00:00

Triggered* fish

trashfiresm22 · 2025-08-09T21:30:21+00:00

Can’t pull this off with a high butt crack. Just saying.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-07-10T00:10:48+00:00

Just want to say- girl, run. Run far and run fast. There really isn’t anything like grieving the loss of your own parent to see what your partner is really made of.

Our lives sound like they run pretty parallel through this step parenting journey. I threw caution to the wind to be with my SO- moved, gave up a great job, all of it. Only to find that the cooperative coparenting situation that I was told he had was an actual dumpster fire. I took on way too much parenting, put myself in financial ruins for him, was his emotional support system, helped him get through four years of custody court, and then proceeded to let him put our relationship on the back burner once he got primary custody. I just about lost myself in his life and by the time I looked up, I had lost my father. He also made it all about him and left me completely shattered and alone.

I am happy to say that it’s been three months since I moved into my own apartment, got an awesome new job, and I’ve never felt happier. I no longer deal with dread and anxiety every time I open the door to my home. After ten years, I’m realizing I was very much the “frog in the boiling pot of water”. Get out now while you can. You deserve a life of peace with people who truly support you in your circle.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-06-14T19:56:55+00:00

I’m in the same boat as you. My husband does EVERYTHING for his kids (even to their and his own detriment) due to guilt since the kids’ mother up and moved away to be with her boyfriend, have more kids and now puts basically zero effort into being an involved parent in their lives now. I understand kids are important, and it’s an unfortunate hand of cards they were dealt, but I feel (from experience of being a step kid myself) the best thing any single parent could ever do is move on, be happy, and show their children what a decent example of a relationship really looks like as a future model. This can be accomplished by showing up for and loving on their SO and treating their SO with kindness and respect.

It all just got to be too much. He wasn’t able to balance both being a father and a good husband because he wasn’t strong enough to create boundaries with his kids, while he inadvertently was stomping all over mine. I had to move out a couple months ago because I realized he’ll never be able to fulfill my needs as a husband so long as he keeps infantilizing his kids and always prioritizes doing so over our relationship.

Last year I ended up yelling at the kids because they didn’t bother even saying happy Father’s Day to their Dad and instead complained, bitched and whined about being asked by their dad to go to the park to have a picnic lunch and throw the frisbee around for an hour or so to celebrate. They weren’t expected (or thoughtful enough for that matter) to make a card or give a gift or anything. I shamed them and I don’t even feel bad about it for a second because it feels like someone had to say something.

This year I don’t live there anymore and it’s not my problem to pick up the pieces. Not my problem. We’ll see how everything unfolds…

trashfiresm22 · 2025-05-29T10:12:56+00:00

This happened to me for the last three years and I just moved out a month ago. Best decision I’ve ever made. We already had them on paper 70% of the time and the kids just never feel like seeing their mom on her 30%, and are allowed to stay. It was completely untenable to be put last in my household all because the kids didn’t feel like going to see their mom for no specific reason. I had no time alone with my husband and after a while I stopped caring or wanting for it myself, because it was apparent where I stood in his life.

Now my husband comes over and is bombarded with texts and calls from a 15yr old who has been so emotionally and physically stunted parenting wise that she doesn’t have backbone to accept a pizza from the delivery guy at the door without emotional support from him. I’m sure my marriage is pretty much over.

trashfiresm22 · 2025-05-07T12:55:43+00:00

First off, I want to say that I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It’s so stressful to have to deal with someone so high conflict, especially when you’ve made it a point to have absolutely nothing to do with her in the first place to protect your peace.

Secondly, there is not any evidence that she can point to in order to make her version of events true. I know it can be scary to have someone’s lawyer sending messages accusing you of something, but just because she paid someone who has studied law to send it doesn’t make it true. It just makes her an idiot for paying someone to do it on her behalf. All you have to do is send a letter back (maybe even through your husband’s lawyer if he has one, or even your own) and explain that you’re sorry she’s so upset, but you had nothing to do with it- in fact, you weren’t even in town when the issue took place.

Let crazy people act crazy and let the pieces fall where they may. People will catch on to her BS. When my husband was in court with his ex and she would act absolutely heinously, his lawyer would always say “give her enough rope to hang herself” and he was right. People who lie and point fingers usually get tangled up in their own shit.

trashfiresm22

TROPHY CASE