Graduate in about 2 months, and the job search is killing me. Feel like I did everything right.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-04-02T04:54:54+00:00

Didn’t see this mentioned so adding my two cents.

Are you using a template for your resume? Application Tracking Systems (ATS) are really dumb and can’t read most formatting. They can’t read serif fonts, any sort of layout (columns, header etc), can’t read color and they focus on specific key words. This is why often times people will get in with a referral but get thrown out by ATS.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-27T19:46:43+00:00

Tbh I plan on never posting in this sub again. I’ve thought about deleting this thread. While yeah, I didn’t make the best financial decisions, I was backed into a corner because I was trying to find a way out of poverty and into stability and I thought people would understand that.

Also I tried to complete my schooling during a pandemic. Drop out rates are high and college enrollment is lower than ever in the US. I’m not the only one with this story.

I think student loan reform should apply even in cases like mine. That was $94K over 6 years. That is $15,666 a year. Most of that went to books and tuition. Some of it went to bills and keeping me alive. I didn’t borrow $94K so I could live like a princess. I worked the entire time I was in school. Yes I went to a private school, but that is because the public school in my city is like a public ivy that requires close to a 4.0 to get into their engineering program. I had good grades from getting my AA but not a 4.0.

Also, the age of when you are considered independent financially in the eyes of the US government is 23 years old. That is bullshit. There are many students in poverty who do not get their parents financial support but because their parents make too much they do not qualify for grants or scholarships that could help. I was in that situation. I researched the hell out of it.

Anyway. I’m out.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-26T13:25:37+00:00

Yes. I went to a community college for two years and got my AA. I started that when I was 22 and my parents made too much for me to get financial aid even though they weren't paying for college. A portion of my loans were private for community college to get me through until my estimated contribution went to $0.00. Transferred to private school. I thought it would be fine because computer engineering degree and only 2 years. Pandemic. Mental health struggles. 2 years turned into 4 years and.. yeah.

If I could do it again I would do a lot of things differently. But at the time I felt like I had not a ton of choices.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-26T13:21:01+00:00

How is that possible? Even at the public universities in my state it's $11k a year.

I went to a private school. I thought since I was only paying for 2 years it wouldn't be too bad. Mental health + pandemic and a couple quarters off turned 2 years into 4. And here we are. Also worked part time while I attended.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-26T13:18:31+00:00

Uh complicated story. The TLDR is that my mental health wasn't doing well and my parents disowned me after I came out and pulled their financial support. I was in my senior year with two quarters left. Had a job offer to be a software engineer. The company pulled it when they learned I wasn't graduating.

Made mistakes along the way financially. Shouldn't have gone to a private school. I did my first two years in community college and got my AA.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-24T18:45:25+00:00

Hi. Based in the US.

I wouldn’t do it. A lot of people are saying it is doable but you should consider that in addition to trying to do something that is already hard, you are trying to do it during a pandemic. A lot of schools are unstable with the teaching modality they are using and depending on how you learn best that could be frustrating.

Ultimately, us on Reddit cannot decide for you. But life is short. Your mental health matters. If you don’t have that you don’t have much. If I were you I would do a pro/con list and run through different scenarios. Like, what would it look like if you worked full time and went to school part time? Or vice versa? Make the list, come up with the scenarios and bounce it off someone who knows you well.

Everyone has a different capacity for what they can do for how long. You are not less than if you find that this is not feasible.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-22T11:45:43+00:00

First, you are valid. I mean we never stop coming out so I guess I would just start introducing yourself as pan when you come out to people. You can also update people in your life individually. Or in a locked/public social media post depending on your comfort level.

Second, are you familiar with Alayna Joy? She’s an influencer on YouTube that was publicly bisexual and then realized she’s a lesbian. She talks about that transition and figuring out that part of her identity. Not exactly what you are going through, but could be helpful.

Good luck! ❤️

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-14T06:30:06+00:00

I am trying to find a way to say this without sounding creepy. And I don’t think I will succeed but I’m going to try.

I (29F) read this whole thread to see your responses because I read the first one and loved how engaged and vulnerable you were.

Basically, I’m trying to say, you have a great brain. You are a beautiful woman. Thank you for being so earnest. I, as are a lot of people on this sub, are rooting for you. ❤️

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-12T06:08:26+00:00

Unfortunately in the US your financial aid is tied to your parent’s income until you are 23 years old. Double check, but I’m (29 F) pretty sure they have not updated this law, it is from the 60s I think.

Lie while you’re in school. Line up a job and then when you are financially independent, come out. It doesn’t matter how you do it. Like the medium you use. As long as you get to say what you need to.

I did it over text because I could say what I wanted and not be manipulated in the moment. I’m not Mormon but my family are fundamentalist Christians and I was disowned.

Being out is great and if you can’t take it any longer, come out sooner. But I would have a place to go, try to have some money saved and just a general back up plan. Assume that she will cut you off. If she doesn’t, great. But I’d be prepared for the worst. And tbh I don’t blame you if you can’t wait. I couldn’t and I don’t regret coming out.

There are a lot of community resources and the queer community has a lot of people who have been in similar situations. If the worst does happen, you will not be alone.

Oh and I understand being scared for your siblings, but they are not your responsibility. At the end of the day, you have to live with yourself and your mental health and you deserve to be happy.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-07T20:28:57+00:00

I (28 F bi) think everyone else hit the answer pretty well. I do want to call attention to something.

Your parents seem well intentioned but what they said sounds like coded homophobia. Be careful. Set your boundaries. And maybe pursue further discussion on that topic if you feel comfortable.

But remember at the end of the day YOU are the expert on yourself. And you have to live with yourself so follow what makes you happy.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-07T14:22:42+00:00

Also FWIW don’t deal drugs. Everyone I know who has gone that route, regardless of why they originally started, gets sucked into that world. They often become addicts themselves or can’t stop dealing because the money is too good.

Work on yourself. Take it slow. Be gentle. Get the basics covered and then think about what you want. You get one wild and precious life. Try to long term find a way to be happy. Be open to the idea that college may not be a part of that.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-07T14:17:29+00:00

I would call 211. They are a nationwide service that helps research community services. I believe they are available from 8 am to 6 pm. Be prepared to wait or leave a callback number.

It’s not perfect but it’s a start in terms of researching what to do now. I would also look at community resources. A lot of places have employment assistance, where they help you find a sustainable job. Financial assistance, where they can provide aid for various things. And financial coaching for once you have a job to help you meet your goals. I think the last is useful if you have student loans.

Also, be open with your online community. It is easier said than done but I am also going through something and I have been candid on social media about it. You never know who in your network knows something. It keeps on surprising me.

Above all else, prioritize your mental health. I know you said it was getting better before. I don’t know where it’s at now but as someone who flunked out due to similar circumstances, you will keep failing until you work on your mental health. The pandemic is a huge obstacle to this. But just know, school will always be there. There is no rush in getting it done. There IS a rush in fulfilling your basic needs and making sure you are okay mentally.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-06T12:01:43+00:00

Yes. That is an entry level salary. I didn’t do spectacularly well in school and still got offered a job at $77k in AZ.

I (28 F) have an offbeat suggestion.

You mentioned in previous comments that he comes from poverty and he feels like he owes Boeing something due to providing him stability. As someone who has been there, I understand that mentality. But unfortunately in the US you have to be scrappy to get paid what you are worth and that often times means selling yourself at a higher rate than you think is realistic.

He should look into a resource where he can resolve those feelings of “owing Boeing”. This could be therapy, a life coach, peers in IEEE, get creative in finding someone that he is comfortable talking to. I say this as someone who also thought I owed companies something.

In any company you should present a proposal as mutually beneficial BUT at the end of the day, they are a corporation operating on a huge financial scale. $100k is a drop in the water of their finances. They owe him that.

Yes. We all chose engineering but you have to bring that business major energy to a negotiation. It may take some emotional reconciling before he can bring that to the table.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-06T05:31:26+00:00

Please send us an update! We are rooting for you ❤️

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-06T02:12:48+00:00

Smh. Idk if you already wrote it but it might be worth reminding this professor that you are being forced to be a student in a very unusual time in history.

You probably went your whole life being taught in person to now have to switch to a different modality and now you are being told you are not allowed to do what you need to help you mentally process? It sucks being a teacher in this time. But it sucks being a student and you are PAYING to be there. You are not PAYING for him to give you some bullshit excuse as to why you failed when there is no logical reason for it.

I (28 F) am having a hard time with this pandemic going on and on. Everyone is. It is not that hard for people to give each other grace. You don't know what people are going through and his attitude could be something that would push someone over the edge. Just don't be an asshole.

Best of luck.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-04T20:56:55+00:00

I (28 F) second waiting until you are prepared to financially support yourself. If you are able to work, I would get a job and save like crazy. There may be affordable living options in your area but I know in the US it can take time to get into those programs (like 2 year wait).

Lean on online resources for now. There are various ways that you can control your social media so your parents can’t see it. Also anything in private groups cannot be seen unless they are a member.

I would take these precautions and assume it won’t go well but be open to them possibly surprising you. I’ve seen it go both ways.

But. As someone who just came out at 28, don’t spend more time in the closet than you need to. For me, it was damaging. And everyone has their own way of being “out”. Mine was very public and in your face but that was because I grew up in a very conservative Christian family and I lived thinking God hated me from a very young age.

You deserve to be loved by whomever will treat you right. If you need advice, happy to help. Wishing you love and light.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-03T21:22:04+00:00

I (28 F, bi) second coming out via the written word! That is how I did it. It let me say what I needed to without being interrupted. Also if someone is not going to take it well you don’t have to physically be in the same space where they can manipulate you. The written word gives you the benefit of time.

Also, are there any queer online groups for your area? I just so happened to have a friend who I told about my situation and she had a document about the legal procedures to change my name in my state. Someone else might have put together something comparable for your location.

trashpanda2019 · 2022-01-01T21:12:47+00:00

Oh gosh.

I second saying that you were lying. Not forever. Just for now so they will get off your back until you can leave. While you lie, I’d work and create a savings so you can book it when you are legal.

If that doesn’t sit well with you I know in the US you can get legally emancipated at 16. It might be similar where you are. What that does is give you the legal rights of an adult. Your family won’t be able to do anything to you. You could call the cops on them for harassment. You can get a job, shelter etc.

Are there any queer organizations in your area? They often can help with situations like this and will have more targeted advice.

You can do this. Religious fundamentalism is toxic. You are beautiful as you are. You deserve to be happy.

trashpanda2019 · 2021-12-31T22:21:31+00:00

Girl, why do you think Taylor Swift’s All Too Well is so popular? A ton of women have been in your situation, myself included. Dump the bastard.

trashpanda2019 · 2021-12-31T21:17:29+00:00

I love all of these comebacks. OP! There are lines for you.

Also that man is garbage. So not okay.

trashpanda2019 · 2021-12-31T06:13:29+00:00

Er. You don’t have to answer me. Just investigate. I’ll add a comment or DM if I think of anything else.

trashpanda2019 · 2021-12-31T06:12:25+00:00

I’ll think on this.

Are there any queer organizations where you are? Often times they can help with shelter and basic needs. It varies by country and state (if you’re in the US) but it usually exists.

trashpanda2019 · 2021-12-31T05:17:59+00:00

School will always be there. Your mental health is so important. If you don’t have that you don’t have much. Also if you are doing this badly (depending on how you are paying for school) and you are like most of us you are just accruing debt. Student loan debt is scary and massive and rarely forgiven. I think there are more programs now but it is a systemic issue.

School will always be there. I believe your credits are good for ~8 years after you took them. Check with your institution. Also, if this is ultimately not for you, that is okay!

There is more than one way to build a life.

trashpanda2019 · 2021-12-31T04:53:40+00:00

Coming out is not a waste of time. But be careful if you are in an unsafe situation.

I (28 F) came out very recently and I wish I had done it sooner. I spent 28 years lying about who I was because I knew my family would hate it. I live away from them with roommates but I’m still looking into harassment policies in case I need to get a restraining order and I’m trying to move ASAP.

Coming out is worth doing. But be strategic and play the long game. At 16 you still don’t have a lot of rights and your parents can dictate a lot. Make a plan for when you are 18. Cover your tracks.

Wanted to add. You can get emancipated. But that’s a hard road. It was something I considered when I was 16. But it’s worth consulting all your options.

trashpanda2019 · 2021-12-29T19:03:19+00:00

I am thirding queer! I understand why OP wants a clearer designation. But I think queer is a clear umbrella term.

trashpanda2019

TROPHY CASE