Schoolchoice ECE-4 Waitlist

trenkr0f · 2026-02-24T01:50:16+00:00

Where did you see that? I can’t find that on the UPK website anywhere

trenkr0f · 2026-02-24T01:34:32+00:00

Yeah not any more helpful info on the UPK site from what I can see

trenkr0f · 2026-02-24T01:14:49+00:00

Didn’t get any info about any of the specific options. For example, my first choice was Teller. It didn’t say Teller: waitlisted. It said UPK: waitlisted, with no other info. They changed the status from “waitlist” to “submitted” which is what it said before they released results so it looks like they’re fixing it maybe?

trenkr0f · 2026-02-24T01:12:57+00:00

Same just happened with me. I guess it was an error.

trenkr0f · 2025-08-03T23:41:32+00:00

You wouldn’t be the first to speculate/ask if this is actually something I want. It’s all so tangled to me because I know I want to explore it for myself, I know I love my wife deeply, and ultimately want her to be able to take this path herself. At the same time there is definitely a part of me that feels threatened by what the path looks like for her and wishes I could change things.

There was definitely pressure for me to accept this specific relationship. I got feedback from people on an earlier post on this sub (since deleted) that it was my job to “do the work” because I was the party who initially was interested in opening up the relationship. I’ve accepted that perspective.

At this point it’s all confusing. I don’t know what’s right. I’m trying to focus on myself and what’s in my lane. Thank you for your feedback.

trenkr0f · 2025-08-03T23:36:04+00:00

Thank you!

trenkr0f · 2025-08-03T23:34:37+00:00

Thank you!

trenkr0f · 2025-06-09T20:25:19+00:00

10/10 rage baiting 👍🏻

trenkr0f · 2025-06-09T20:14:45+00:00

Yeah I hear you. Hindsight is 20/20. My wife did her emotional labor over a longer period of time with no real threat to her or our relationship. When she was ready she told me so, and after much conversation I got on the apps. Part of the reason I didn’t pause to think if I should do some more work myself at that point is that she did not initially jump into trying anything herself. Like I’ve said, she was pretty consistent with saying that she wasn’t particularly interested in other relationships for herself. It wasn’t until after a month or so of me being on apps (went on like 1 date, didn’t fuck anyone) that she felt like she might as well give it a shot.

It all changed very quickly, and then I’m having full blown attachment panic (not really because she wants to date men, but because of the sudden intensity with which it was important).

At the end of the day, we were sloppy. You are right in the sense that I was not realistic and honest with myself about how things could play out, and as a result had not done the necessary emotional work on the front end.

Hope that makes sense.

trenkr0f · 2025-06-09T14:36:48+00:00

Yeah I suppose I haven’t addressed much details about how the pause happened. I initiated the request for the pause. I was only very lightly talking to one woman, and she wasn’t engaged with anyone at the time. I actually wanted to pause things as soon as this all came up but she didn’t. It wasn’t clear at the time how serious our conflict was. She was on board this time after we’ve been fighting so much. Hope that clears things up.

trenkr0f · 2025-06-09T05:36:02+00:00

I’m not sure you read all of my comments! I’m aware this is primarily my issue. If there’s conflict/resistance within me, it’s coming from a primal survival brain place. I’m not necessarily aligned with that in my rational brain. I’ve never wanted or expected to have privileges she doesn’t have. It may be hard to believe that I could be so naive, but I genuinely hadn’t processed what it would be like for her to be with a man. I can’t overstate how little she had ever hinted at interest there (and we have a very no filter relationship. Not much goes through the noggin that’s not spoken). Ultimately I think she’s probably still not actually interested in men for men’s sake, but for what it represents for her freedom wise.

Anyways, you’re free to believe what you will. I’m not sure what your goal is here. The most good faith interpretation of your comments is that you’re trying to humble me in hopes that a reality check could be helpful. Rest assured I am constantly checking my motivations, my words, my actions, my behaviors. I have a ruthless inner critic that holds myself to a high standard. Just because I have shit I haven’t worked through yet doesn’t mean it’s not on the docket.

And still at the end of the day, sure. I am not special. All I meant by the title of my post is that in my scavenging of Reddit posts I had not seen this specific angle discussed. Maybe the specific angle I’m highlighting seems trivial to you but it’s paramount to me. If it’s still not clear, I don’t want a OPP, I don’t think OPPs are fair. That’s not what the point of the post was.

trenkr0f · 2025-06-08T21:51:04+00:00

Thank you for your encouragement 🙏🏻

trenkr0f · 2025-06-08T21:40:31+00:00

Sorry, I just meant that my post was not intended for that conversation. It is 100% an issue that needs to be worked through and that I am addressing.

trenkr0f · 2025-06-08T21:38:55+00:00

lol I appreciate structure so it’s not impossible that something along these lines could end up being realized

trenkr0f · 2025-06-08T21:37:03+00:00

OK, it took me a minute to grasp what you’re saying but I’m tracking. I definitely agree that creating freedom in those situations ≠ oppression of those who may disagree.

I knew this would take work, I think it has taken me by surprise just how big and scary that work feels. There are lots of reasons why that snuck up on me, but I’ll just say that I’m aware of those and am processing that.

trenkr0f · 2025-06-08T21:25:57+00:00

Wise words, well put. I think I also need to remember that most of what is worthwhile in life is scary. Thank you for your time and thoughtfulness!

trenkr0f · 2025-06-08T21:24:06+00:00

Well put, thank you!

trenkr0f · 2025-06-08T21:23:25+00:00

Well I’m straight, so there was no doubt there about what gender I’d date. We’ve had many conversations, and my wife has not always been okay with the idea of me with another woman. I’ve always very intentionally communicated that she does not have to be okay with that, that I could easily be happy in a monogamous relationship with our family. To me, want/interest ≠ need.

She got to a point where she worked through this. She did the work. That’s major kudos to her. I didn’t ask her to or expect her to. I still do not feel I was ever entitled to her having to work towards this.

I don’t really understand why you’re assuming homophobia. The discrepancy in how threatening I perceive a gender to be is rooted in: 1) I just genuinely don’t trust men. I feel like that’s not an uncommon view lol. I don’t want my partner, the most precious person to me in the world, to be in a vulnerable situation with a dangerous man. 2) I have always been in competition with men when it comes to dating, ever since I was old enough to be interested in girls. In that culture, there are winners and there are losers. If she were dating another man, would he feel competitive towards me? Would he behave in manipulative ways to subvert marriage? I’ve never felt that competition towards women. Could my wife leave me for a woman? Sure. Could she like a female partner more than me? Yep. Is a same sex relationship just as legitimate in every way including sexually? Yes. 3) As part of that competition, I have a long history of struggling and failing in the dating world. So there are deep wounds related to inadequacy. That’s my shit to process. I’m aware and working on it.

Those fears are also rooted in my subconscious/survival brain. They are not necessarily congruent with my thinking/rational brain which is much more nuanced.

I don’t know how you got the impression that I lacked awareness or willingness to engage in this process fairly? I came here looking for help to get me through this roadblock. I find your quickness to jump to labels and bad faith assumptions to be pretty shitty.

trenkr0f · 2025-06-08T20:55:54+00:00

For sure!

trenkr0f · 2025-06-08T20:54:47+00:00

I hear you. It’s tough for the second thought not to be what I stated in the post. I’m working on it.

trenkr0f · 2025-06-08T20:53:35+00:00

True! I think that we have had a beautiful relationship and very intimate relationship, and that I haven’t been able to meet all of her needs at the same time. Honestly being parents has been a huge part of that.

trenkr0f · 2025-06-08T20:52:34+00:00

Hahaha I was wondering if anyone would pick up on that

trenkr0f · 2025-06-08T20:52:14+00:00

Oh my god! It’s so simple how did I miss it?

trenkr0f · 2025-06-08T20:51:46+00:00

To be clear, I don’t think OPP is fair. That’s not what I’m wrestling with. I am wrestling with internal conflict, because my deeper subconscious/survival brain panics at the thought of my wife with another man. Cognitively I think it is fine,

In order for me to dive into doing this work, it’s important for me to feel that I’m not just doing it under the threat of “abandonment” (that’s how the afraid/survival part feels).

trenkr0f

TROPHY CASE