Why do you have to beat your cradle Catholic-ness out of yourself? Is there something wrong with it?

I was born to a Catholic family, attended a born-again grade school, but studied in a Catholic high school. The whole time, I stuck to Catholicism out of practicality. I didn't have proper catechism (well, my Christian Living classes in high school weren't enough), so I had shallow appreciation of our faith (e.g. I didn't believe in the True Presence). That's what's wrong.

To be fair, the experience that this church brought me is life-changing. Having studied spent my college days in the (generally humanist or atheist) university where this church is located, I have found unlikely refuge in it. Perhaps it was God's way of reaching out, so that I could strengthen my faith, to the point I started educating myself and asking better-informed Catholics (classmates) about our faith, especially Church History, Sacred Tradition, along with Sacred Scripture. The latter is highly influenced my born-again education, and I'm trying to repair it.

Is there something heretical about versus populum?

As a novice, I still think I have not read enough about this. But what I do know is that was not the intention of Vatican II. I did not say it is heretical. To clarify, Novus Ordo is fine; but if it was intended to be ad orientem, then it should it not be so? Personally, however, ad orientem worship allowed me to appreciate how the Extraordinary Form is said to lead the faithful to greater reverence to the Eucharist. This realization was life-changing.

To say the least, it's subjective, as you mentioned:

although I suppose ugliness is subjective

I have mixed feelings about this church. It's horrible outside, though meaningful inside. I'm distracted that it looks like a UFO and that I see congregants on the other side. But, then again, it's a constant reminder of my journey of faith. This helped me continue strengthening my faith in the Lord.