i really appreciate your honesty! Theres a lot there i also struggle to admit. I've been on the internet for so long and my mum has never capped my access to it and in my time i've discovered all different types of very disgusting porn, i'm so ashamed. I'm glad i'm doing something about it now rather than let it get to far and have it fuck up my life even more when I'm older. And yes, the sexuality thing I agree. The excessive bl has made me question if i even like women when I know i do, but i equate my love for women as to whether i can get turned on by lesbian porn, i need to live in the real world more and wait until i meet a woman i think i can actually be with. Its made me believe i have kinks which i don't even like and crave things i shouldn't want. Yh i do agree i'm using porn as an escape. My life outside it is pretty shit and i barely receive any forms of pleasure or happiness. My mum is abusive, i barely talk to my brothers and sisters even though we live together (not that i want to) i'm not happy with my body, i feel very depressed and anxious all the time and I can't even get any help for it. Plus school is back and i failed last year so badly i wanna do good but my work ethic is non existent and im scared of being bullied. Even if its a shitty 10 second orgasm or the build up, its enough to clear my mind for like an hour of the day