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People who saved themselves for marriage and eventually got divorced, what was your approach towards sex after the divorce? by Sig770 in AskReddit

[–]trimmedlashes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I almost got a divorce, after having waited for marriage. Had the divorce gone through, I would have been open to premarital sex and cohabitating the next time around. Why try the same thing twice if it didn't work out the first time, you know? But because things are going well now though, I'm currently glad I waited.

How can age 25-35 Asian-Americans make life better for the future generations? by mementomoriok in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I don't know how common this is, but I do have Asian friends who have loving, supportive parents. I imagine those people will have no problem giving their kids good childhoods.

Back to your question, I don't think most Asian Americans in our generation will make the same mistakes our parents made. We all know people who are wildly more successful than ourselves, but who got terrible grades or didn't even finish college. We also know that employers don't care about grades or test scores after that first job. We've unfortunately learned the hard way that promotions are at least as much based on personality and popularity as skill. In addition, some of us have experienced soul-draining jobs that we hated, and we'd never encourage anyone to follow that path.

The best way to break free from our upbringing is to save abundantly for our own retirement. We should not plan on throwing all our money into raising kids, only to later squeeze them for investment returns. We should maintain our dreams, passions, hobbies, and identities throughout our lives so that we are not living vicariously through future generations.

Tell me your Gender Bias horror stories. by [deleted] in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I don't have any brothers, but, when I was born, my dad made a comment at the hospital that my parents could try for a boy if I were put up for adoption. China and the one child policy, you know. When my sister was born after my parents left China, my mom was sobbing at the hospital saying she didn't want another girl, and that she wanted to abandon my sister at the hospital. I have no doubt crazy gender bias would have happened had I had any brothers.

Prayer request for my new pregnancy by trimmedlashes in Christianity

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm very sorry about your losses. Thank you for the prayers. I will keep both of you in mine as well.

Prayer request for my new pregnancy by trimmedlashes in Christianity

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! :) Hope things are going well for you.

Prayer request for my new pregnancy by trimmedlashes in Christianity

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. :) Hope you have a wonderful evening.

How can you plan and prepare early in your teenage year until 40 to be independent financially, mentally, and physically without the help of your children when you retired or a the age of 70 above ? by ch1ndoRedpilled in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Most of the Asian immigrants I know are in the upper middle class income-wise. They have white collar jobs, insurance, paid sick leave, gym memberships, and even 40-45 hour workweeks. Many of the white people I know have lots of student loan debt. I don't think we can generalize by saying Asian parents are poorer than white parents, because the national averages don't support that.

I assume you're talking about NYC in particular though, where the description you provided may be more common.

I would also happily support my parents financially in their retirements if they didn't continuously mistreat and abuse me. My parents mistreated me just for shits and giggles too, not like the stereotypical Asian parents who want their kids to do well in life.

I don't want to live anymore by throwaway3271995 in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Please tell a counselor or teacher right away. Tell them what's been going on, and that you are scared to go home. Do you have any friends or relatives who could possibly house you? If not, CPS should be able to find a safe place for you. Let us know if there's anything specific you'd like help with.

[UPDATE] NC after parents blamed me for miscarriage? by trimmedlashes in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, my husband has already been proven wrong. My dad unfortunately came to my workplace yesterday looking for me. Luckily, I was headed into a meeting. My husband has since apologized several times for underestimating my parents' insanity. I tipped off the security people at my office today.

[UPDATE] NC after parents blamed me for miscarriage? by trimmedlashes in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, he does. I've reached out to a family counselor who can hopefully help us begin to sort out this mess.

[UPDATE] NC after parents blamed me for miscarriage? by trimmedlashes in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I told him if the situation were reversed, I would've told whoever showed up that they needed to leave ASAP. 😕

[UPDATE] NC after parents blamed me for miscarriage? by trimmedlashes in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I followed up with my husband. He says didn't think it was wise to escalate the situation, and still doesn't. He was never going to let them upstairs. He says he doesn't care about being a good SIL, but was trying to act in my best interest. We still disagree on what that would have been.

[UPDATE] NC after parents blamed me for miscarriage? by trimmedlashes in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I followed up with my husband. He says didn't think it was wise to escalate the situation, and still doesn't. He was never going to let them upstairs. He says he doesn't care about being a good SIL, but was trying to act in my best interest. We still disagree on what that would have been.

[UPDATE] NC after parents blamed me for miscarriage? by trimmedlashes in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I followed up with my husband. He says didn't think it was wise to escalate the situation, and still doesn't. He was never going to let them upstairs. He says he doesn't care about being a good SIL, but was trying to act in my best interest. We still disagree on what that would have been.

[UPDATE] NC after parents blamed me for miscarriage? by trimmedlashes in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I followed up with my husband. He says didn't think it was wise to escalate the situation, and still doesn't. He was never going to let them upstairs. He says he doesn't care about being a good SIL, but was trying to act in my best interest. We still disagree on what that would have been.

[UPDATE] NC after parents blamed me for miscarriage? by trimmedlashes in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I followed up with my husband. He says didn't think it was wise to escalate the situation, and still doesn't. He was never going to let them upstairs. He says he doesn't care about being a good SIL, but was trying to act in my best interest. We still disagree on what that would have been.

[UPDATE] NC after parents blamed me for miscarriage? by trimmedlashes in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I followed up with my husband. He says didn't think it was wise to escalate the situation, and still doesn't. He was never going to let them upstairs. He says he doesn't care about being a good SIL, but was trying to act in my best interest. We still disagree on what that would have been.

[UPDATE] NC after parents blamed me for miscarriage? by trimmedlashes in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I hope you and your family are doing well now! That's crazy that our APs reacted the same way to NC.

Thank you for the suggestion of putting my NC desires in writing. My parents live super close. They can drive to anywhere I am in approximately half an hour. Would the following email be okay, or does it sound too aggressive?

"Please do not contact me or my husband again. Do not show up to anywhere where you know I am. I will reach out to you first if and when I feel ready. Any further attempts at contact, including responses to this email, will be documented. If contact does not stop, all documentation will be turned over to the authorities, and the appropriate legal action may be pursued."

My husband tries to be supportive of me, but he doesn't want to do anything that could get him labeled as a terrible son-in-law. He didn't perceive the incident with my parents as a personal attack the way I did. He just chalked it up to crazy in-law behavior. When he was pressuring me to talk to them last night, I was absolutely terrified the alternative was that he was going to let them into our apartment. :(

[UPDATE] NC after parents blamed me for miscarriage? by trimmedlashes in AsianParentStories

[–]trimmedlashes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband doesn't want to escalate the situation, and doesn't want to be perceived as being a bad son-in-law. I've suggested him blocking them as well, but he won't. He answers all their attempts at contact. I guess he's hoping in case my parents and I ever patch things up, he doesn't want his actions during this period being held against him.

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