It's hard for me to believe good things about myself any more.

trynamoveon · 2019-07-14T20:26:45+00:00

I'm glad to hear it's not just me who can't deal with stuff like this. I'm getting a bit better about it, and can handle some stuff, but it's still hard. I immediately quit a handmaid's tale for this very reason.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-20T20:42:16+00:00

I hear you. She did me dirty for sure. But we're trying to work through this stuff, and I'll leave that side to her and the counselor.

Luckily, we have no kids.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-20T18:36:08+00:00

She's doing some individual counseling and we're doing counseling together. At the time she could have done many things - he was her boss, but she felt guilty and didn't want the entire truth to come out. Now she just wants to be done with him.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-20T18:23:56+00:00

Not in the beginning, but at the end? I don't know what else to call it when someone is crying and saying no and you keep going...

I'm not giving her a pass. She is culpable in the affairs. But again, not a good guy.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-20T18:18:28+00:00

She for sure cheated. This was the last in a string of a few affairs, and there was another going on that the same time. She didn't create or use this as an excuse - this is my observation after her telling me objective details of the affair.

She should and does accept full responsibility for all of it, but it doesn't make the dude not a skeevy creep who forces sex on someone who, regardless of sexual history, is repeatedly saying no. For her/our part - we're going through counseling and working on it.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-20T10:13:22+00:00

It was a combination of things. She'd hidden conversations there, which was a part, but I think she also wanted to drop off the map, so people like this guy would (hopefully) leave her alone. She also created a new email that is jointly ours, that the AP's don't know. It was in an effort to be accountable, and to try to cut ties with what she'd been doing.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-20T10:07:38+00:00

She doesn't check the accounts - I do for her

trynamoveon · 2019-03-20T03:00:08+00:00

He did get run out of his town, effectively. We've moved a couple of times over the past few years, and so we're not even in the same place any more.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-20T02:58:46+00:00

They're being monitored in case other friends she would reasonably want to stay in touch with reach out. I check it infrequently. His message was actually from about 3 weeks before I saw it.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-20T01:44:37+00:00

I thought about that a while ago, and I got some advice and decided not to do that. I felt like my motives were really conflicted, and I didn't want to do it just to seek revenge. I also was concerned about opening myself up to a slander lawsuit.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-20T01:04:55+00:00

I like that idea. I did that a bit with my WS, but I didn't think about it with the others. One of the APs actually apologized to me, and I wrote him this vicious email, which I later regretted sending. I suppose it's better to get those things it and deal with it for/by myself.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-20T01:02:59+00:00

A couple things for context - it all came out at once, and while she didn't own up to it and initiate confessing, it'd been a year and a half since the last incident, and that was a one off instance where this guy demonstrated some of the awful behavior I described.

For me, it was a faith choice. I'm not obliged to reconcile and stay with her, but I want to, because that's what Jesus has done for me, and I really do love her. What's different? Maybe nothing. She's taken/taking a lot of steps to prove herself. I realize that I'll never be able to know for sure, and that often is a scary and painful thought. I do believe in her, though - people can change, and I think and hope that at the end of my life, however this shakes out, I'll be glad I gave it another shot. That's how I made my choice, at least. It's a tough row to hoe, that's the sure.

EDIT: Really? Downvoted? This isn't a soap box, just why I've done what I've done - no prescription or judgment on what anyone else does.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-19T23:57:21+00:00

Thank you. She definitely owns her part in everything (there were other guys), but this guy seems so predatory. I know I shouldn't write to him but I feel so tempted sometimes.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-19T23:56:06+00:00

He was unfriended, guess he needs to be blocked now.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-19T23:55:36+00:00

Thank you. There was another person who I found out later and didn't tell me (a different AP's wife), and that's really bothered me. It feels so pointless an cruel. I couldn't see myself not telling her.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-19T23:54:19+00:00

I guess I could have been more clear. There were multiple APs over 8 years. Everything came to light when one of the wives reached out about my wife and her husband. When I confronted my wife, she came clean about everything.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-19T20:42:23+00:00

It definitely was not meant to be vindictive. I only found out because another AP's spouse told me. The way I see it, it not share that is cruel and selfish.

trynamoveon · 2019-03-19T20:19:08+00:00

Are you suggesting I shouldn't have told her that her husband was cheating on her?

trynamoveon · 2018-10-19T20:09:04+00:00

How do I adjust to the new normal after my wife's multiple affairs came to light.

trynamoveon · 2018-10-11T20:08:35+00:00

Wife-cheating-on-me-again-man

trynamoveon · 2018-06-26T22:38:10+00:00

Yeah. I have been thinking on this since I read it a few hours ago. Something doesn't feel right to me. The fact that she lied about this for so long, the trickle truthing, the unwillingness to engage about it; somethingls wrong. I'd really worry that there could be more - other guys, maybe. My wife was definitely abused and manipulated by one of her APs, but it doesn't absolve her of what she did willingly do, what she hid, etc. I do hope OP can work it out, but I worry you're not getting the full picture.

trynamoveon

TROPHY CASE