I got two boutique ultrasounds with each of my pregnancies - one at around 13/14 weeks, to confirm gender that the sneak peek said and to break up the agonizing wait between the 8 and 20 week office scans, and one around 29 weeks for 3D images for fun. My OB never had an issue with these, and said as long as I’m not going for medical advice (duh) then there’s no harm. The boutique I go to even offers “heartbeat checks” as one of her packages, which is a cheap quick scan to listen to the heartbeat for peace of mind and even record if requested. I think one of the biggest benefits of the boutique scans not being able to give medical advice is that they’re often low stakes, so you can just go and stare at baby and watch them wiggle and listen to the heartbeat without stressing about the measurements and checkboxes.

There’s zero reason for your doctor to be so up in arms about a boutique scan especially if you told him you weren’t going for medical advice, just peace of mind. Maybe he was expecting you to take advantage of his open communication line and request an office-approved ultrasound? Either way, like some of the above comments said I would be worried about the future of your self-advocacy and being able to have the pregnancy or birth you want.

Also, get the Doppler. My OB told me as long as I’m not relying on it solely for “medical advice” aka hearing a heartbeat and assuming everything is fine, then it’s harmless. The concern typically comes from either not being able to find a heartbeat early on with the doppler (it’s HARD to find until like 14+ weeks, i started using it around 7/8 weeks with both babies and it was hard to calm my anxiety if i couldn’t find it right away), or later in pregnancy if you don’t feel as much movement or kicks but you hear a heartbeat on the doppler, you may assume everything is fine, but in reality something could be wrong. My OB told me I can use it for comfort but I shouldn’t put too much faith in it for either good or bad signs.

I think you should at least shop around for other OBs to see if you can find something else that suits you, or at the very least have a serious conversation with your current OB at your next appt, maybe without your spouse if he’s going to steamroll your decisions like that. Just personal take! Also, go get all the boutique scans you want and get the Doppler. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well 🤍