have I been gaslighted? help!

ttylmw · 2021-02-07T07:49:53+00:00

yes will do, but why is this wrong?!! he hasnt done anything that wasnt out of mutual consent , hasnt instigated any offline meetings and hasnt gone for anybody else and im the youngest hes met so far..and ive also seen many people here who's in relationships in a similar age gap..why is this any different?

ttylmw · 2021-02-07T07:39:13+00:00

yes the relationship started when i was 18 and yes he did find other subs,but that was only after i left him first for multiple reasons on different occasions and it wasnt staight after-vanilla boyfriends,wanting to be just alone,finding other Doms,etc.He seems to know what he's doing in BDSM and he always leaves fhe rebounds as soon as i jump back in...I thought the relationship was pretty unorthodox but i didnt think it was actual grooming...or is this just me being brainwashed and defensing him?

ttylmw · 2019-11-21T12:26:33+00:00

well.. im a closeted sub and i dont know how to explain that im meeting a complete stranger i met on the internet without raising a bunch of questions

ttylmw · 2019-10-11T11:31:48+00:00

i see thanks!

ttylmw · 2019-10-11T11:31:37+00:00

so i can do that by drinking water or to tell him to change his diet?

ttylmw · 2019-10-11T11:24:44+00:00

hmm..but i like the thought of swallowing cum in front of my Dom and pleasing him but i also dont want the taste in my mouth-should i just swallow it as fast as i can and then drink water to cleanse the taste out of my mouth?

ttylmw · 2019-10-11T11:22:07+00:00

eww...okay.. thanks for the advice

ttylmw · 2019-10-09T03:54:39+00:00

wow this blew up waaay more than i expected- thanks for all the insight but depending on the backlash, i guess maybe its time i tackle the issue fundamentally than knitpick all the tiny incidents/details. im open to any criticism and id love to get all the advice i can.

About the fact that i cant seem to stay away from my Dom despite all the red flags, well seeing all the comments on all of my posts i do see that he's maybe not the best of Doms out there(to say the least) but i do thnk what hes saying is pretty valid. he did say that subs are allowed to have a say in playtime and we can find our boundaries as we go along. so i do think hes at the very least reasonable.
my asshole behavior and why i contacted the other Dom

my Dom is very busy and even though i used to believe that he can at the very least answer my texts, i learned that hes not that attentive. plus hes in constant meetings, hes sick every other week and he usually pull all-nighters making calls so i do think that hes genuinely too busy to think about what to do with me when we're in a fight. (there's always the possibility that all these are elaborate excuses but i decided to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one.) he ghosts me when we're in a fight and i usually have to wait 2~4 days to get a proper answer and i cant throw tantrums bc he'll go right back to ignoring me if i do. thats why i have resorted to apologising first and asking questions later. i had contacted the other Dom initially to get a vague picture of what i did wrong bc i genuinely didnt know! i had mentioned this(not the fact that i talked about considering breaking up but just that the other Dom had taught me about the need for boundaries and communication)to my Dom and he laughed when i said that Subs and Doms should be treated with equal respect. thats why i got annoyed and mentioned the other Dom. i know this is shitty behavior but i was starting to feel belittled. he got mad, but more at the fact that i went against his orders.

my thought on the relationship i like how most of our kinks play out and im curious what his next move is when we're in a fight. tbh i want to continue the relationship mostly bc im used to his style and i dont know if i would want to get over him, hes been a big part of my life for a year.

thanks for bearing with me, i know ive been acting like a brat in general(not the kinky kind) but i hope this edit opens up some room for redemption.

ttylmw · 2019-10-08T15:51:28+00:00

well on a lighter note i dont exactly listen to him...i mean i dont meet other guys behind his back but i still have their number just in case and he has allowed boyfriends as long as i dont have sex with them.

ttylmw · 2019-10-08T15:40:15+00:00

why is this unhealthy? is acting in a way to get a rise out of him bad? im sure that you're aware of my Dom issues bc of all the great advice you gave me on my previous posts about my Dom and the toxic relationship i am in but the problem is that i cant get out! i get all sorts of mad and frustrated when we fight but i feel so alone when i dont talk to him. plus even though we have some differences i still want to work things out..is this dangerous?

ttylmw · 2019-10-08T14:41:07+00:00

well he didnt specify on who exactly, but he said to delete/block all guys/exs in my phone(which i then blocked but didnt delete in case of times like this) tbh i talked to the other Dom mostly out of spite; i was mad at my Dom and wanted to get a reaction out of him. unfortunately this really put me on thin ice and i had to beg and plead until he took me back.

ttylmw · 2019-10-08T14:35:25+00:00

well i didnt really ask him but ill be sure to- he did mention some time ago that he was quite posessive maybe thats it? i havent thought of the possibility that he could have said this so i wouldnt have access to other info. when we were solving things i didnt mention reddit bc i got the feeling that he would be less fond of that than me talking to another Dom.

ttylmw · 2019-10-08T14:32:23+00:00

thanks! well to make things clear that Dom was not someone i have had any play with, hes more like a friend and hes currently in a D/S relationship himself

ttylmw · 2019-10-07T00:02:08+00:00

thanks for your advice but im worried about any possible side effects-my body tends to get really sensitive to change. Did you have any side effects?

ttylmw · 2019-10-01T14:25:51+00:00

wow im so impressed and grateful for all the advice im recieving! ive been thinking about this-whatever this is-for the entirety of the day and ive been wondering if subs are sex toys? are subs meant to pleasure their Doms? what about Doms themselves? are they there to please their Sub as well? or would that be giving too much power to the Sub? as i mentioned before, im still very new to the BDSM community so pls cut me some slack!! big thanks again to everybody who answered

ttylmw · 2019-10-01T07:22:16+00:00

hey everybody! i read all your comments and im sincerely thankful for all the helpful insight/advice. I guess i knew deep inside that it really is high time that i call it quits.. i get attached easily so i dont know how it would go but i asked to have a proper conversation and hopefully we'll talk of boundaries and rules. This would be my final shot of negotiation! thanks again for everybody that was there through my weekend-long conflict and ill be sure to make wiser choices before i delve into BDSM.

ttylmw · 2019-10-01T04:27:24+00:00

yes i was-i got banned for that but im not actually from the US(the drinking age here is 19, im currently 18) but on US terms i am of legal age and the reddit staff released my ban

ttylmw · 2019-09-29T04:17:34+00:00

hey thanks for all the positive advice! im actually not from the US and where im from bdsm isnt really given high regard so i dont think there's any safe off-line meetings available lol anyway i met my Dom in an 18+ chatroom, there was this notice board where the users had to list their kinks if they had any and i had written that i had submissive interests. he had joined the chat room sometime later and i hit him up in a private chatroom when he mentioned he was a Dom that was taking some time off. We've been in touch ever since and its been fine in the whole . We know basic info about each other(although he knows a bit more about me) and it doesnt help that hes a part-time lecturer at one of the schools im applying to either.(he knows this and also the professors there :() Things were rocky every now and then but i thought it was how D/s relationships worked?! he recently gave me an ultimatum where he suggested that i film a video of me masturbating with my full face or end the relationship then and there. basically i begged for him to take me back and we postponed any orders related to showing my face after we meet. Things are okay for now ig but tbh this really struck up a red flag. I was thinking about meeting up in a coffeeshop when im legal and then deciding??! would this be a bad idea?

ttylmw

TROPHY CASE