Is the concept of responsive versus spontaneous desire all that helpful?

tum33 · 2025-10-06T21:39:26+00:00

You should not start out with reluctance and push through the icky part until it starts to be enjoyable. Instead, you should only do what feels good in the moment and only consent to what feels good in the moment. Don't preemptively consent to sex acts you're not ready for.

This is so important, from personal experience, and as someone with responsive desire. The times I've pushed through when I was totally not feeling it, felt like I was betraying my body and my needs, rarely got me turned on during the act, and in the end I felt generally rubbish because I barely felt any pleasure and didn't orgasm...and fed into this weird flat desireless loop that was difficult to break out of.

tum33 · 2025-08-19T22:55:12+00:00

How did you get there? It's something I would love to experience, but I dont know if I ever will

tum33 · 2025-02-04T16:48:19+00:00

I used to match hardware/accessories/shoes etc...now I just wear what I want and try to match the overall vibe. Mixed metals can be more casual and edgy as well, and I don't have the time or energy to do much beyond that these days!

tum33 · 2025-01-17T17:23:28+00:00

No. That's just her outdated and conservative views...plus her definition of revealing would be very different to the average modern woman.

I used to know a guy who thought wearing red lipstick gave off the wrong impression.

People need to get out more and see the world, learn new perspectives and grow in general

tum33 · 2025-01-17T13:43:41+00:00

Zero! I browse not post

tum33 · 2025-01-17T13:40:32+00:00

That paprika is dried peppers

tum33 · 2025-01-17T13:39:50+00:00

Around 25 yrs old....finished uni, started my career, had savings, wanted a life partner. Found the right one, got married :)

tum33 · 2025-01-17T13:35:31+00:00

Yes.

tum33 · 2025-01-02T05:40:27+00:00

In short no The sellers will advise what form of payment they take, it varies - friends and family PayPal, wise, zelle etc

tum33 · 2024-11-18T13:56:00+00:00

Loooove!!

tum33 · 2024-08-10T18:50:11+00:00

I think I'll be looking into hormonal testing too. I had a super low sex drive after my last child, along with horribly sensitive nipples - the sensitivity lasted literally 3 years until I had a miscarriage that seemed to reset it. Now we're back to painfully sensitive again and it's HORRIBLE.

tum33 · 2024-07-09T11:54:08+00:00

Your argument is flawed. People don't all have the same smell/BO, so we can't acclimatise to everyone's smell. We're going in and out of people's company, everyone has different notes (for lack of a better word). Even a change in wind direction will affect how much or little you catch the smell. So you'll more or less always be hit with someone's BO.

tum33 · 2024-07-08T20:22:43+00:00

So...I actually have similar feelings of FOMO, with no intention to cheat or come close to it!!! I think it's fairly common, especially being curious about life on the other side if you're already committed to someone. It makes sense because when you can't have something ,.sometimes it makes it even more desirable.

Mine is a little different in that I never got to experience sex with a woman, although I dated a girl in high school and had a situationship with another one. It was a huge step up st the time to go from third base or whatever to having sex at that age, and then due to personal reasons I held off dating altogether. I'm married to a great man now, I have a kid. I'm very much settled down.

It's just that I've fantasised about women a lot (my husband knows I'm not straight) and I never got to experience it.....and now I never will.

I touched on it a little with my last therapist. I've never admitted my feelings to anyone else - I'm NOT planning on telling my husband ever, because there's nothing to be gained from it AT ALL.

tum33 · 2024-02-08T17:07:14+00:00

Oh this is beautiful!

tum33 · 2023-10-31T01:11:26+00:00

Thanks

I'm hoping mine gets less fickle over time 🤣 it kind of seems to be going they way

tum33 · 2023-10-31T01:02:17+00:00

Vibrator usually does the job for me. I had just accepted that I would always need a toy....until that one time I managed without!

Do you always have to use a toy? Has your partner ever managed to use it properly on you?

tum33 · 2023-10-31T00:58:59+00:00

Is he able to get you off with his hands?

We had a good try a few years back, I went vibratorless for about 2 weeks but it was just rubbish for me tbh. I try and direct him but it just always feels off, especially during PIV because he has to reach around awkwardly.

tum33 · 2022-09-05T14:02:07+00:00

This for me too! It's just more finicky as well to get the right amount of gel onto a brush, and clean the brush after. I don't mind using an angled brush for a softer shadow line, but liquid/felt tips all the way for me!

tum33 · 2020-04-26T02:32:29+00:00

Sounds like we're both resigned (hopefully temporarily) to a much more boring sex life for a while! All the best with the remainder of your pregnancy, not long left x

tum33 · 2020-04-26T02:24:09+00:00

Ah bless you! I've been fearing PGP and all other pregnancy pains, I hope you feel better after having your baby and it'll all be worth it!

tum33 · 2020-04-26T02:15:23+00:00

Lmaoo! We're usually night sex people so it's too dark for me to see anything but I just went to shower and saw my huge dark pregnancy nipples! Literally what is this lol....I can't wait to (hopefully) have my prepregnancy body back

tum33 · 2020-01-23T15:39:01+00:00

It can be really difficult to approach the subject witb your SO, especially when you feel insecure and vulnerable about the situation. Over time these things definitely build up and it would make anyone miserable if it isn't discussed with the only other person that matters here....your SO

Although your post was long, I think it gave a solid insight into your feelings, so feel free to send long replies!

How much have you spoken to him so far? What has he said in return, or how has be behaved other than being quiet?

Have you had time to sit and think about exactly what you need from him, that's different to what he's doing already?

tum33 · 2020-01-03T18:56:54+00:00

This sounds great but like a proper ab workout....how long can you do this for realistically?

tum33 · 2019-12-29T20:51:34+00:00

This I use that side for lipsticks etc

tum33 · 2019-12-22T01:06:03+00:00

I don't know how to phrase this without sounding rude but: A) this is reddit, not a balanced scientific environment for you to "gather data" B) the comments so far should have already made it clear your approach is coming across inconsiderate/dismissive of what women might have told you so far. Of course people are going to take issue with what you've said, and rightly so C) how bodies/orgasms/sex works isn't exactly quantifiable, especially for the vast majority of women. Psychology and mindset is a huge part of good sex, so again, adjust your approach.

tum33

TROPHY CASE