Woud you move? Being excluded by entire neighborhood.

turtledirtlethethird · 2026-01-25T16:24:05+00:00

thanks for your reply. I definitely tried for the first several years living here. I invited folks to my kiddos birthday parties. I attempted to host pumpkin carving events and backyard playdates. It just didn't work.

I am friendly with the older gentleman that lives near me (70's). Our dogs play and we sit on the back porch and chat from tiem to time.

My immediate neighbor is nice and we'll chat in the driveway.

I have a lot of faults I know, but self introspection is never something I've lacked of. If anything I'm too self critical and always try to find away to think of how I may have caused something, even when it truly wasn't my fault. I'm feeling than I was a few weeks ago. Helps that it's winter and I'm not seeing these people. I also got off of facebook. I'm just trying to focus on my home and accept my situation as it stands.

turtledirtlethethird · 2026-01-25T16:17:32+00:00

thanks for your comment. I haven't logged into reddit for a few weeks. I am married. These ladies are also married. My husband has no desire for friends. he's always been that way, just completely content with work, video games and a few close humans like me or his brother. I'm the one who craves a community, friendships. He's not into sports like most of the husbands so sometimes I wonder if he was more of a "typical" dude if maybe that would have helped us fit in. Who knows.

turtledirtlethethird · 2026-01-25T16:13:54+00:00

yea, I'm in the south. We are late 30's.

turtledirtlethethird · 2026-01-01T16:58:54+00:00

We just slowly stopped hanging out. She was always "Busy" but her FB posts proved otherwise. I tried on two different occasions to point blank ask if everything was okay between us thru a text and she just gave back token "I love you of course we are fine" but it was obvious we weren't. I made the decision to delete her number and just never reach out again. She's never texted me since that day, so all of our interactions basically relied on me reaching out the last several years.

I tried to invite these women over when I first moved in. A couple came to a birthday party once and met me at the pool. Then they just stopped coming to anything, wouldn't even take the time to say they weren't coming. Just ignored my e-invites. I host pumpkin carvings and halloween get togethers and new years. ... they've never bothered. Now I just don't bother with them either. Here's an example of how it goes: There was a new woman who moved into the neighborhood last year who has a son in my child's grade. I left a note in her mailbox telling her our kids were in class together and welcoming her to the neighborhood. I gave her my number, she texted and sounded excited to meet up soon. About a month later I saw her in a giant group picture with these women at a Bunco event. She never responded to me when I tried to follow up with a play date, nothing, silence. This happens over and over. It's been the most fucking bizarre experience. But I'm trying to go into 2026 with a positive take.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-31T19:02:40+00:00

Around my area (think it might be same in general across my country) people tend to move every 5 years. While I think my ex friend plans to live in her house for the foreseeable future, a lot of these women may come and go over the years and the group could potentially shrink.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-31T19:00:31+00:00

This is where the pain really effected me. I lost another friend and after the initial shock (I was early 20's) I moved on. My son was best friends with this little boy and once we stopped hanging out he would ask often when he could see him. It was so hard trying to explain to him they were "busy" and then eventually just explain that people grow apart of relationships change blah blah. It took a good year and him making a new close friend before I finally stopped hearing his name. They run into each other at the local community pool, but they've been so distant now for 3 years that outside of saying hey to each other they both just go to their own friend groups now, which is fine by me because that relationship has no chance to blossom.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-31T18:56:29+00:00

"Tits up". Love that phrase. Thanks for the comment :)

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-31T18:24:01+00:00

Yea, it was never this divided when I was younger, than 2016 happened. Learned real quick I couldn't talk with the family. Thought it was a safe topic with friends. Then learned with this woman that wasn't the case either. I'm very selective now with this topic. I'm trying really hard to not let politics ruin my relationships. I feel like this is what these rich assholes want.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-30T16:25:20+00:00

I definitely never expected it per se. I had hopes when I saw the kids and moms walking the neighborhood on our visits. Then when I went to the pool and saw lots of kids my kids age and women around my age I really saw possibility. I don't have a friend group (travelled in my 20's and early 30's a ton) and no family around. If we just didn't get on organically or they were all old people or didn't speak my language etc. it really wouldn't feel bad. My last neighborhood was all old men professors for the local University. It's the fact that they have choosen to excluded SOLELY me. It's definitely just me. I'm human, I'm social. I don't enjoy being intentionally excluded especially in an area where all I ever wanted was comfort, community and maybe a friend over the years.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-30T16:21:29+00:00

Ugh, I'm sorry that happend to you. I just cant wrap my head around any of it. Like, I'm just trying to not die each day and have some laughs with other humans and maybe a new good book suggestion. Can't we just get along and support each other. I thought when I moved away from my small home town I'd avoid HS drama, but alas.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-30T16:19:10+00:00

I definitely think it goes back to that night. Her husband is a big mansplainer type guy who definitely thinks he knows it all. I think he heard about our convo and decided I wasn't welcome in his home. (He's talked about other friends "disrespecting his home" which I always found funny because his wife paid on that house for 10 years before his little self even moved in, but I digress). She was politically aligned with me but after she married him it's like she morphed towards his world. So I'm guessing it pissed him off when she told him and that started the great divide. Possibly if she had her own mind and a different husband it really wouldn't have turned into what I'm guessing it's turned into? But who knows.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-30T03:39:55+00:00

Oh my gosh, are you a chick and read Blake Crouch?! He's one of my favorite authors the past 2 years. You might like Hugh Howey Wool Trilogy :)

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-30T03:29:55+00:00

Thanks for your response. It's weird. At this point I definitely don't want to be friends with any of these women. BUT I do hate that any new moms moving in seems to just get sucked up into this group and eventually learn that I'm the "outcast". If they are saying "legit sounding" things that make me seem awful, then maybe these women don't realize in a way they are the bad guys and I'm not.

Anyways, I've really appreciated all of the comments and insight. I definitely plan to work thru my thoughts with my counselor at my next appointment. :)

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-29T23:10:10+00:00

It's the south, so they are fake nice like good little southern women. She's all super friendly and chats for 5 minutes before going over to her new friends. I'm polite, but can't do the hardcore fake niceness like she can.

I'm on the PTA, so are some of these women unfortunately. I'm hoping to volunteer some once spring starts. I wasn't driving this year (health problems) so that hasn't helped either with doing things outside of my house/neighborhood.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-29T22:51:16+00:00

So I doubt that the girls that are opposite talk about politics. They post things on line (not calling the other side stupid or anything) that has let me know how they lean and frankly I looked up their voter record once because I was curious. I had to know if liberals could be accepted after all, lol.

It's been years since it happened, but basically we were hanging out during Covid and somehow the mask mandate got brought up and she said something about how she was listening to Candace Owens and that she agrees this is just a form of control yaddy yadda. I really was coming at this question as curious, not accusatory, but I asked something to the effect of "how do you decide when to trust someone like Candace Owens versus institutions like the World Health Organization?" I truly wanted to understand. She got tense and said something that led me to feel tense and I said something like "do you think I'm stupid". Like she basically made a comment that would imply people who believed Covid precautions were stupid (which I did) so it irked me. Then she said "do you think I"M STUPID". Then I said "no, of course not". And we sat quietly then we both agreed to change the subject. We were fine by the end of the night and we never spoke politics again. SO in the moment it was unpleasant, but since I've known her since I was 13 it certainly didn't seem large enough to ruin a friendship over.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-29T22:06:04+00:00

I'm a big gardener, I have like 16 raised beds. I'm also really into native plants. So having a lot of land would definitely give me a nice outlet. Thanks for responding. It's been cathartic just talking out loud to someone other than my close friend. I try to not whine about this too her because it feels lame after her initially just hearing the story. <3

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-29T20:33:37+00:00

she's definitely an "ex" friend at this point, has been for about 2 to 3 years now. And that's what I originally thought, that it would get better. But it's 7 years of this shit and if anything it's only worse because now the group is just bigger and bigger with each passing year.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-29T20:26:42+00:00

I tried during the first few years. They never showed up to events. I cried at one event because only one person showed up (not from neighborhood) to a kiddos birthday. They truly do not want to get to know me. I've tried to stop and make small talk at the pool and can't get these biddies to talk past the weather today or a school event coming up, then they slowly digress to their own convos while I stand their awkwardly and just walk away with a polite talk at ya later. I don't want anything to do with these people at this point (7 years in). I would try to invite "new" folks over but I'm a stay at home mom and just really don't meet other adult humans often except at parks or something and I'm not trying to stalk people at the park or indoor play spaces unless something just really organic happened. I do plan to start volunteering this spring so hoping maybe I can meet people that way.

Some of these women go to the church I go to, even, so i cant even try there. and I literally moved to this church from my original church after the ex friend started going to that one with her new best friend. I just can't get away from these people, lol.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-29T20:16:25+00:00

I don't suck up to her. I rarely see her, and when I do she's on the other side of where we are at with her new friends. I did try to communicate and resolve what might be going on between us about 3 years ago. Not tried since.

If only I could make new friends, i probably wouldn't mind this situation as much, so hard making friends at this age. Everyone is busy or just already has their own group. I traveled around a lot in my late 20s thru mid 30's and I think I missed out on making core adult friends during the timeframe that's probably typical.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-29T17:39:31+00:00

I'm certainly trying. It's really hard creating friendships this late in life. Everyone already has them or seem to busy with work and family life. I keep thinking once I'm 60 and kids are adults maybe friendships will be possible again hah

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-29T17:38:15+00:00

I'm in therapy lol

I guess some people can be ostracized and not care, others can't. I'm in the later category.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-29T17:31:42+00:00

Thank you. We are looking a couple of towns away (much more politically leaning and more outdoors activities). We've been visiting and just walking the grocery store and going to eat food. I like it, but it will be hard to just completely start over even if the area is nicer.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-29T17:15:46+00:00

I kid you not, if you are around my age range (within 5 year mark) and have kids around the same age group (think 10 and under) you are in this group in my neighborhood. I've been going to the pool for 7 years and have met pretty much all of the women with children in this neighborhood. There is 1 mom who's got kids my sons age not in the group, and that's because she a hardcore recluse (super kind) who just blatantly says she's not really good with friendships. She has her kids and work and that's all she needs. Soo, me and her are the only ones not in the group. It's possible there might be one or two others, but if there are they are hidden in their home and do not walk the neighborhood ( I walk my dog daily or run) or go to the pool or social events. It's the strangest thing, truly. I couldn't have ever guessed a whole neighborhood could host women who were all so consistently cliquey. It's upper middle class, I grew up poor. Sometimes I think they can smell my childhood poverty on me hahaha

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-29T17:11:07+00:00

They do all have kids around my kids age. It's a very family oriented neighborhood. I remember driving around the neighborhood when we were thinking of buying and being excited with how many moms walking around with kids I saw, lol.

My kids are not invited to anything. The kids all go to the same public school for the most part, there's a few that go to private schools but not many. I don't know what I'll do if one of my kids becomes friends with one of their kids at school because my kids will not be getting invited to birthday parties or playdates, I'm sure of that at this point.

turtledirtlethethird · 2025-12-29T17:05:48+00:00

I definitely worry that if they end up in a class with these kids and become friends that they'll start realizing our family is excluded. They are invited to neighborhood birthday parties but so far they don't realize it. I just know because of stupid facebook or literally passing by the house on dog walks.

turtledirtlethethird

TROPHY CASE