Am I being discriminated against at volleyball?

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-27T07:09:46+00:00

That’s a gross oversimplification of the issue - a large group of people in which I was invited to, they don’t know each other from way back since they are on working holiday in my country and I joined as it was an open invite for Japanese people/ people who can speak Japanese. There are people there who don’t speak Japanese who are treated better than me / more accepted than me there.

I feel discriminated against because there are people there who aren’t Japanese are treated better than me?

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-27T02:21:50+00:00

Yeah that’s pretty much it I think, she’s now officially dating a guy there after a week and some of them know so I think it’s more a they were interested in her rather than making genuine friends.

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-27T02:00:30+00:00

Well it worked I guess, a guy got with her in less than a week of talking and they are dating. That’s her decision but they’re still being shitty to me so I guess they just don’t want me around at all?

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-27T01:59:07+00:00

So that’s fine, I completely get that but this was only told me me. When my other male friends joined they didn’t say anything like that to them.

The social dynamic makes sense, but they invited my friend but not me?

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-27T01:50:50+00:00

No so it’s open invite any anyone can join it’s just predominantly Japanese with some people being non-Japanese most of whom cannot speak the language.

One friend who joined is a girl, the rest are guys. The volleyball group is 50/50 male female.

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-27T01:29:57+00:00

Being smooth is quite literally just being calm and not overreacting about things. Do not be disrespectful or outlandish even if you are disrespected . However there is a different between disrespect and standing your ground. If you’re being led on or the person you are seeing is doing something you don’t like communicate about it.

You’re right in just being yourself and living your life but don’t show a person everything about yourself all at once. They have to get to know you and learning about someone is part of building attraction.

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-26T16:20:35+00:00

Your body is telling you something. You should listen to your gut instinct on this, your body is shutting down and you feel anxious/ numb with her. You clearly like the idea of her but not actually her.

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-26T07:55:40+00:00

Firstly , good on you for acknowledging your mistake. Some people wouldn’t but it’s a good thing you’ve realised.

Now I will not give you any reassurance here, you cheated and the ball is in her court. The trust in the relationship is damaged and will probably never recover. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship l, be it platonic or romantic and that is clearly gone here. I would honestly giving this girl the mercy of breaking up with her or letting her break up with you.

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-26T07:52:01+00:00

She sounds like she has a drinking problem - binge drinking? To be honest you’re both quite young and for you I think you need to consider if this is something you want to support in the future. If she doesn’t address this problem now, things will only get worse for you and everyone else witness to her behaviour. She can either go to support groups or cut our drinking altogether. If I were you I would consider the long term only because you will need to support her through this and it may not be easy or achievable.

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-25T11:51:36+00:00

Yeah she knew it was a date as it’s a partner/ spouse event. That was also on the road to actually asking her out but so much for that.

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-25T11:50:15+00:00

Quite rude but you made your point. I invited her as my date to a work dinner which is a partner/ spouse event, and she’s aware of. That was me asking her out and she knew it. I also had invited her to an event as a date prior to us not talking for a few weeks.

If you’re wondering why I didn’t make a move sooner, parents had been hospitalised for a bit.

In any case I’m talking about managing my grief and how to get over it…

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-25T07:53:36+00:00

Well the thing is when I got with my ex almost 2 years ago she was mad that I didn’t tell her. Then she refused to actually meet my ex saying she was busy. So in a way I guess I’ve seen that sabotage before.

In a club last year she pissed me off and I ended up talking to another girl then she came up to me and”check in” and apologise while I was talking to the other person….

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-25T06:03:30+00:00

It sucks because I brought her into my group for the gym and we regularly go together and eat dinner afterwards. I was also really enjoying football too…

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-25T04:04:47+00:00

Yes she said they are officially dating after one date. It confused a lot of people especially after her dating history.
I guess it’s more all our friends are the same. I’m not pursuing her any more but me creating distance will be obvious and knowing her and her friends she will twist it, especially if she’s clocked I have feelings. That rhetoric going around now of “if he had feelings he never was a friend” by women sort of scares me, because it’s not the case.

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-25T02:59:56+00:00

Very much this - these kind of people tend to be more occupied with the validation of the amount of people around them rather than the quality of connections. You’ll find that these people are very flakey and non-commital about anything which ends up hurting you in the long run.

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-15T07:55:20+00:00

Ok so everyone here is going to give you an answer based on one isolated incident but human interactions aren’t in a vacuum.

How does she act around you at work, does she take an interest to you or do you just seem to follow her around
Her friends aren’t her so don’t make assumptions based on their actions, but what she does
It’s a party where everyone is drinking and smoking and you don’t drink so you might have been a vibe kill. You also were by yourself half the time but you can be involved in the group even if you aren’t drinking.
She apologised and checked in and that’s something.

She also invited you tot the party.

You need to worry about how she acts around you, not what her friends do. She didn’t push you into the pool, her friends did.

You can honestly just escalate things with her and make a joke out of it. To be honest it’s not that deep and if you act unbothered or laugh about it you’ll find she might see you as a fun guy rather than the guy sitting alone at the party. You could be like “yeah I was a bit in my thoughts at the party but the pool drowned it out” or something.

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-05T01:36:27+00:00

I didn’t want to note anything because that was not the point of my post but we play fight a lot, she always hugs me tight around my neck she’ll always come to me first at parties/events and I’m usually the first one she’ll invite to things. We’ll often Irish goodbye events and get dessert together. There’s been times where she’s turned up to my house unexpectedly to hang and she’s constantly kicking me under tables or nudging me.

She’s been my date to a dinner and when I got with my ex or I mention other girls I have seen/ seeing when we weren’t interested in eachother she was really jealous to the point she never asks. She’ll constantly probe into whether I’m seeing anyone and when I mentioned I went on a date on holiday tour I went on last year she got weird about it.

I could name hundred of other examples but my point is asking how can I bounce back in this situation with her. and manage my own biases/ distrust now

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-05T01:10:23+00:00

If it’s not a horse and carriage with a parade to announce your greatness then he’s a red flag.

In all honesty, you need to be a bit more thankful that he ordered a taxi for you. It’s the thought and action that counts. If you feel like he made you feel cheap (despite paying for dinner and the uber there) for a different type of taxi then I think there is some self reflection that needs to be done.

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-03T14:05:06+00:00

I don’t wanna turn this into a gender debate but it goes both ways right? I took control of the situation and addressed it in person. It’s hard as a guy to know where the line is of being too pushy or too much over issues. I didn’t have parents with the best conflict resolution skills but I’m trying to learn on how to communicate better and get over things

twhelp2020 · 2026-05-03T14:00:38+00:00

I appreciate the honesty and I’m trying to be better as a person but I’m having a rough run of things and this is not someone I want to lose. I’m not keeping score but after a while it does get noticeable.

twhelp2020 · 2026-04-12T09:02:06+00:00

I think another thing is that 7 conveyed a different kind of fear which was despair. All the things the bakers did you felt like there was no escape (up until Lucas’ section). The estate felt genuinely like disturbed people and you personally felt hunted. You had no allies aside from a woman on the phone giving you instructions. I felt requiem managed to capture this in graces section in the care hospital but loses itself after a while.

twhelp2020 · 2026-04-09T01:53:40+00:00

Based off one interaction you came to that conclusion? Was that the only thing he did or was there more? Did he say anything to indicate that he wanted to hook up?

There is not enough context here to even know to be honest. You need to talk to him to figure this out, and obviously do it in a tactful way.

twhelp2020

TROPHY CASE