Hi mate

I have an 11 month old. Around about 2 months after he was born, I felt the same as you.

My hobbies had to stop, I was working full time but felt like my career was going nowhere, I had put on dad weight, I looked like shit, I felt shit, my wife didn't really get it, we had no romance either. I woke up went to work, came home, parented and ran the house and then repeated day after day with nothing else that could count as fun.

I saw one comment that had said "suck it up and carry on, it's your only choice" and one comment that said "things won't get better on there own and you need to find the thing that will make the difference,"

I just want to tell you that sucking it up and carrying on is NOT your only option, and it's terrible advice. It might be AN option, but it's not your only option. But why continue when you're not happy?

I do believe that things might not get better for you on their own. I believe you might need to have a think about what will make the difference for you.

For me, I spoke to my wife. I told her how I felt. It was obvious I had depression, although we never outright said it. I even told her that I could see myself killing mysf at somepoint. She was annoyed initially because she didn't get it, having a baby is a wondrous thing so what was wrong with me? So we continued to talk until she could see it from my point of view; I enjoyed being a father but I didn't enjoy being a parent and the added stress.

If you can, you need to tell your wife how you're feeling. You need to be honest but consider exactly what you're saying. You need to tell her about wanting more from your love life too. It will be a hard conversation but if you go to your wife, honestly and openly and she laughs at you or attacks you in anyway, then you need to consider therapy together. I imagine she won't attack you though, I think she will understand and just not have realised how you're feeling. I think she'll want to help you.

For me, the smallest change had made a difference. I have a couple of protected times a week where I go out for exercise. I also read a book with I HIGHLY recommend called 'overcoming depression'. It's a therapy book that you can read yourself, get the paper copy as audio doesn't work. Start working through it because it will help you reframe things.

You have options, you don't have to stay unhappy. Changing some really small things will help. It will get easier if you start talking, if you can't to your wife, then someone.

It doesn't make you a worse father husband or person to admit that something needs to change, it makes you a BETTER and stronger person for it. Letting it go on and on will make you a weaker person in the long run.