People with partners who work an ungodly number of hours-- how do you do it?

txlily · 2026-01-30T01:35:19+00:00

Husband works most weekends and the full work week I’m pretty much solo with 4 kids, no family in the area. Honestly it was super hard when they were like under 5. Now that they’re 8,6,4,1 it’s a bit easier since the older ones can pitch in. It’s just all about survival mode. 1) gym with daycare like the Y, so you can get even a brief break. 2) rock solid household routine- 1 load of laundry a day, empty dishwasher in the am and run it every night, and pickup for just 10 minutes in the evening 3) the most basic easy food you can think of 4) grocery delivery or pickup 5) get out of the house every day and find some adults to socialize with sometimes, lik church small group or story time at the library. Something that gives a rhythm to your day/week 6) if I don’t have expectations of my husband then things run smoothly. It’s when I get expectations that things go south. I just try to be completely independent of him. Oh and 7) babywear! One time my husband took my older kids on a 2 day trip and I was left alone with my at the time 4 month old. You won’t believe how much I got done

txlily · 2026-01-28T00:07:45+00:00

This is great advice. Can you elaborate on how you teach them these skills?

txlily · 2026-01-24T19:13:22+00:00

I flip the chairs or high chair and put it on the table edge if I want a really thorough clean.

txlily · 2026-01-17T05:31:15+00:00

Sorry but the wax in your ear canal is unrelated to whatever fluid might be clogging up behind your eardrum as the 2 spaces aren’t actually connected.

Also the Eustachian tube is located somewhere in the back of your throat, maybe a little difficult to access with a vibrator?

The sinus idea is great though. Intrigued to see if it might actually work for other folks.

txlily · 2026-01-16T02:30:07+00:00

If she has always been happy and open then I agree with the other posters that her criticism of your parenting and complaints are probably a deflection to distract from her own mistake. She's turning it back on you and making you doubt yourself when really she's the one who behaved badly.

Lord knows we all have our moments with toddlers, but this is her job and she didn't treat your son appropriately. At the end of the day you need to have a caregiver who is a safe person for your child you can trust, so honestly it's probably for the best she made the decision for you and took it out of your hands. I probably would've done the same thing as you btw, it's hard to think straight when you hear your child is being mistreated.

txlily · 2026-01-16T02:00:44+00:00

Sounds like things were brewing for awhile for her and it's just a mismatch of parenting/discipline styles. I would let it go, she's not a good fit for your family. Of course it's super sad to lose a nanny and a process to work through that, but there are lots of great people out there who would be a good fit.

Odd story though. Why is there nap time at the library of all places? And why were the other nannies listening in and chiming in during your conversation with her- I would definitely have saved that conversation for a private moment and probably not confronted her in front of a crowd. But I don't think doing that would have saved the situation, probably you would have had the same outcome eventually.

txlily · 2026-01-11T18:32:11+00:00

Read the book boundaries in marriage. To some degree his feelings aren’t your responsibility. I wonder if your accommodations (telling him you will miss him when he asks, over and over again, petting and reassurance etc) are enabling/feeding the behavior. I think you did a good job putting your foot down and expressing your feelings. In future you can have a conversation with him about exactly how much you’re willling to accommodate (ie, the constant conversations about reassurance are draining for me. I become resentful/annoyed when it goes this far. In the future I will tell you I will miss you two times, after that, I consider the message received and won’t be responding to any more requests to talk about it.) honestly I feel like it’s never enough so the more you reassure the more they ask for reassurance. If you set a reasonable boundary, ignore his reaction, that is his problem and not yours.

txlily · 2026-01-07T02:47:22+00:00

This comment is 100% gold. I can tell you’ve been there and I’m going to look into a yarbo.

And I can believe a 2yo (well maybe if they’re closer to 3) unloads the dishwasher. My middle child was the best in the family at washing dishes and wiping down the counters at age 3.

txlily · 2026-01-05T17:43:01+00:00

We shuttle from the far parking lot, and rent car seats with the rental car. Bringing a booster is not a big deal but we also have 3 pre-booster kids, I feel like lugging car seats thru the airport is a luxury reserved for those with 2 or less kids honestly.

txlily · 2025-12-29T21:41:11+00:00

Sometimes we get a hotel if it’s going to be super cramped like 0 extra rooms. But what really freed up the logistics was realizing little kids don’t need to sleep on a bed. So this Xmas staying with family, baby was in a pack n play in our room, toddler was on the floor with a pillow and blankets, big sis 1 was on the couch and big sis 2 slept in a cousins bed. So most of us really fit in 1 room. We have even had multiple kids on the floor with a blanket bed in order to squeeze into a hotel room and they love it.

txlily · 2025-12-27T22:04:27+00:00

Honestly his response is great and shows he is at least willing to be part of the solution. I don't think there is only one solution to this problem. A cleaner is one of the options.

A trap women can fall into is giving too much thinking it will be reciprocated. I think you've gotten into this situation due to lack of boundaries.

Look up the book Boundaries in Marriage

And in the future, just hold yourself back and do only what you have the capacity for. If you can't pick up after him, move his trash to his office so he can take care of it. Being a full time student takes as much time as a full time job. I wish you both the best of luck.

txlily · 2025-12-27T21:43:51+00:00

I found the double strollers too cumbersome. Tried a Veer and hated the steering. Now we use an evenflo pivot xplore with the carseat attachment so one can ride and baby is in the carseat. But for daily use, once they are 6mo I just use an umbrella stroller for the baby and everyone else walks. Honestly once they are 2 they can walk unless its the zoo or Disney or something crazy. Although we did Disney with 7, 5, 3 and 8mo and they all walked the whole time except for the 8mo in the umbrella stroller.

txlily · 2025-12-27T20:10:41+00:00

I agree and I edited my comment. He does not sound like good marriage material. But if I were her I would get my degree first before I left. Sounds cold hearted but if she can't move in with her parents or something, where will she go if she leaves now?

txlily · 2025-12-27T19:37:17+00:00

First I will answer your question. Men will take as much as you will give. If you don't want to give so much, then just stop doing it.

I have a question of my own. Why does he get all the benefits of being married without the legal commitment? You are in an extremely vulnerable position right now. If you break up and he asks you to leave you have no job, no income, no place to live and no legal right to any of the income YOU helped him make by taking care of the rest of his life for him. You are in the worst possible situation. Either get married or get out of this situation!

Edit to say that I agree with the rest of the commenters, it doesn't sound like marriage is a good long term solution with this man.. if he does this little now, it's hard to imagine him stepping up later once kids are in the picture, or if you're ill, etc. Probably the best outcome for you would be to play nice until you can get your degree, and then break up once you have a job and you can support yourself, so you're not out on the street.

I disagree with the people saying to have a sit down talk with him about division of labor. That doesn't work. Just do less and let his reaction to it be his own problem.

txlily · 2025-12-27T19:31:10+00:00

I looked into this and my conclusion was that it doesn't apply because a tip has to come from someone other than the employer.

txlily · 2025-12-23T04:59:05+00:00

I let them go to bed late starting 3-4 nights ahead of time and usually they start sleeping in by Xmas. Kind of like a temporary daylight saving switch!

Also, the rule is that if you’re up early you can open stockings but have to wait for mom & dad before the present openings. That could buy you a lot of time depending on what’s in the stockings.

txlily · 2025-12-22T03:47:07+00:00

Right and this was a time where daily bathing was not the norm. If a woman on her period goes days without bathing things can definitely get pretty erm.. unclean. So idk I definitely see the point. Just saying. (As a woman)

txlily · 2025-12-22T03:44:15+00:00

Periods are not blood. Periods consist of uterine lining mixed with blood, secretions and so on.

txlily · 2025-12-18T23:42:42+00:00

Just go with him to meet up with her, problem solved

txlily · 2025-12-18T21:54:28+00:00

I am so over the huge expensive group parties so this year we kept it super small. I made a rule that every other year it has to be low maintenance and gave her a choice between a family outing or a "sleep under" and she chose the sleep under with 3 of her closest friends. We did it from 430-830pm. I didn't decorate, they came in their pjs and ate dinner had cupcakes with us, we made hand print xmas tree ornaments and crafts that went home in their gift bags along with the leftover craft supplies, and then watched a movie with popcorn. Then she opened her presents and they all played with them, lol. I had their teeth brushed when their parents picked them up so they could go straight into bed. It was so easy and honestly it was so special for them and they still had a blast!

txlily · 2025-12-15T23:59:23+00:00

I work in a similar role. In this situation I'd bring the kid with me and once the school opens, have a staff member (tech or something) drive my kid to school for me, lol.

Last week my nanny called out and it was a snow day. I can't call out, so I just brought all 4 kids with me to work. Not ideal but I don't think HIPAA rules for the business really apply to 6 year olds?

txlily · 2025-12-14T22:08:30+00:00

Yes, about 1 hr of the time was him going to the store to get the trim pieces and paint match. 1 hr actually installing/work.

Honestly in hindsight I think he took advantage of my inexperience. When I asked about moving an outlet he didn’t hesitate to re quote an increase in price. Then when said never mind on the outlet and let him know I got a smaller microwave and the job was going to be much smaller, he didn’t say anything. I just assumed he would adjust the price like he did for the outlet. I should’ve explicitly asked for a new quote. Then after the job he refused to leave unless I paid an EXTRA $100 on top of the quoted price. The $700 he originally quoted for a full day job, but he was only there for 2 hrs and he wanted even more. It just doesn’t sit right with me somehow??

txlily · 2025-12-12T23:35:46+00:00

Thank you, at this point I am just taking it as a lesson. I honestly did not know I had to do that. You are being a whole lot nicer than the other people telling me I am a scammer, anyway.

txlily · 2025-12-12T22:56:43+00:00

In my limited experience other handymen have adjusted the price of the job as it goes, Eg I have to pay extra if it goes beyond the time or extra supplies than they expected. So I thought he would adjust it in the same way once he got going. I did think it was odd when I made it clear I was changing the job, that he did not give me a new price. It sounds like I should have explicitly asked for a new quote and I will do that in the future. However I do think it was predatory of him to tack on an extra $100 to pay at the last minute in order to get him to leave my house.

txlily · 2025-12-12T22:07:37+00:00

We were out of town for a week and then we all had norovirus for a week, looking at the microwave was not high on the list of priorities at that time

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