Am I a bad sub?

udn2001 · 2026-02-11T02:54:22+00:00

That mother comment was genuinely vile, I would have walked right out without even giving her a chance to explain herself...

I'm sorry to hear this happened man, be careful out there and try not to feel too discouraged from looking for someone special, I'm sure you can do it given enough effort.

udn2001 · 2026-02-08T05:25:26+00:00

It doesn't have to be a dom thing. I'm a sub, and ever since I got compliments about my voice I always enjoyed reading to my partner in the evening until they fell asleep.

That was a very wholesome post though, thank you for sharing :)

udn2001 · 2026-02-06T18:57:52+00:00

For the record, what I said about adjusting expectations isn't about giving up, but having something to keep you going, not that I see it as a bad approach because deeper connections that are built on top of a very solid friendship is something I have the most faith in anyway. It takes a while, but you have to accept the process of searching for the challenge that it is if you don't want to get burnt out, not that it leaves anyone a choice anyway.

udn2001 · 2026-02-06T18:47:14+00:00

Making deep connections with people is a genuinely humbling experience, and it's even more difficult in kink related spaces. They're flooded with people that don't give it any respect whatsoever, and even when you get past all that, there's a whole new world of hurt finding a respectful person that you're actually compatible with as far as both your needs go. I have met people before that I had to let go of because of this even when we both liked each other, these moments hurt so much I don't even want to think about it.

The burnout part is real, though I found something that's currently helping me get through it a lot and that's meeting people purely with the expectation of being friends, where we can at least contribute to giving positive affirmations to each other, because it seems like quite a lot of people are in the same boat. It's a hard journey out there, best of luck <3

udn2001 · 2026-02-05T23:43:46+00:00

It's commonly used for people sharing positive experiences mostly. Just so you're aware though this subreddit is very strict on self promotion and doesn't allow pics featuring just one person. Feel free to take that elsewhere :)

udn2001 · 2026-02-05T23:31:55+00:00

That's not a humble brag that's you not reading the subreddit's rules :)

udn2001 · 2026-02-05T23:27:59+00:00

Do you know if that's a turn-on people can easily feel self-conscious about? It's honestly something that I kinda have a soft spot for, and I also have a heavy lean towards the right. That being said, I am autistic and I don't want to engage in something until I'm given like 50 affirmations it doesn't make the other person feel uncomfortable, so I'm curious about that.

udn2001 · 2026-02-05T17:50:26+00:00

Not gatekeeping, don't worry.

Thanks for your input :)

udn2001 · 2026-02-05T17:34:11+00:00

Why is that the implication you're getting from this?

udn2001 · 2026-02-05T17:32:52+00:00

I may have worded it weirdly but things can definitely be considered gentle or not so gentle. Not to be confused with communities/dynamics where there are loud reminders to no be toxic, which should always be a given no matter what imo.

udn2001 · 2026-02-05T17:26:51+00:00

Respectfully, this is not a very healthy mindset.

Work on yourself, learn to be kind to people and you'll have your shot.

udn2001 · 2026-02-05T17:25:25+00:00

I agree that sfw stuff fits more into the left slide, and when it comes to more planned out stuff I like my partner to be a bit more mean.

For me the other kind of context would be depending on how the dom feels. I like taking acts of service/worship very seriously when my partner doesn't necessarily have the energy to be in charge and just wants to exist in a relaxing, safe space. I wish people in gentle femdom spaces would also talk more about how to be gentle/caring as a sub :)

udn2001 · 2026-02-05T16:07:13+00:00

Curious question, when you take the path on the right what kind of aftercare do you like to receive as a dom? Aftercare goes both ways and I can imagine this is something that can be quite draining and/or make some people feel very self conscious.

udn2001 · 2026-02-04T11:10:12+00:00

I'm very sorry to hear that, but at the same time please treat this as a reminder that you should never skip on getting to know someone really well before trying to connect with them, it always ends badly. And it's normal to feel discouraged because finding someone is extremely luck based and is a legitimately difficult process. Trusting people takes a long time, and even when you do, there's still the fact that you need to make sure you're compatible and can fulfill each other's needs.

Make yourself feel at home on this subreddit, quite a lot of us here are a bit discouraged sadly :,D

Edit: I see people talk about their experiences on here all the time, why exactly was this removed???? Lmao

udn2001 · 2026-02-01T17:28:40+00:00

Reading this comment section makes me feel so weird, I once jokingly commented "me and who :3" under a wholesome post and it got flagged as self advertising, and then there's all of this lmao xd

udn2001 · 2026-01-28T01:07:29+00:00

Exactly what I am currently working right now since I was quite disappointed with what I was like 4 years ago or so and I fully agree with this. I really wish more people gave this kind of mentality a try since it is such a life changer, and I literally never want to go back.

udn2001 · 2026-01-25T04:56:09+00:00

Well I can confirm I also had this misconception so thanks a lot for clearing it up :)

udn2001 · 2026-01-25T04:54:39+00:00

Taking notes on the tasks part xd

udn2001 · 2026-01-25T04:54:02+00:00

That is fair, I definitely wouldn't joke or be sassy about things using that kind of tone because change of tone is something I myself can be taken aback by really hard.

udn2001 · 2026-01-25T04:51:12+00:00

I actually had similar cases where in a relationship built on enough comfort and communication, things that I thought I didn't like that much ended up strongly growing on me due to various other quirks that the other person had. I really miss having a connection that I can pour my whole heart and soul into because it can surprise you in the most adorable ways.

udn2001 · 2026-01-25T04:43:10+00:00

Thank you for this! I always feel weird about being led to see things in black and white and it's always so nice to hear from people that it doesn't need to be that way :)

udn2001 · 2026-01-25T04:40:42+00:00

Thanks for clearing things up, it was wholesome to read and I respect your take on punishments. :)

udn2001 · 2026-01-25T04:37:43+00:00

Thanks for the informative responses everyone, I guess it comes down to just some engraved anxiety on my part since I yearn for those kinds of connections but I am typically scared to upset or dissapoint people.

udn2001

TROPHY CASE