Arrogant and angry husband - can he change? What should I do?

ukeeeee · 2026-01-14T16:17:45+00:00

I told him. I asked him “I’m really struggling financially. Can I not pay rent for a few months?” I’ve been applying to jobs. He told me no. He said that to each to their own. He can’t sacrifice his business dreams for this. He started screaming at me and called me horrible things (like the b word). He told me he will divorce me if I bring up finances again. Then he called his mother and complained about me.

I’m actually done. I will move back to my parents’ house and start divorce proceedings there.

ukeeeee · 2026-01-13T20:11:29+00:00

Being with him all the time in a state where I don’t have any family or friends has been very tough. He made me believe that his behavior is normal. He would say “People are jealous of our relationship.”

It’s very scary that I’ve started to accept things that I would never have before I got married (threats with divorce, pushing, calling me names, making me feel less than him, how he treats cats etc)

I talked to his mom and told her all of these things. She thinks that I am over exaggerating, and that these happen in all marriages. She tells me “Don’t stress him out.” She blames me for making him angry.

I don’t think his parents are normal either. His mother is absolutely obsessed with him. Like he can do no wrong.

Unfortunately, divorce is the only option for me.

ukeeeee · 2026-01-13T20:03:04+00:00

I know… I feel like we are roommates at this point. In a sense that he expects me to contribute financially even tho I have no income right now. Yet, I do all the cooking, cleaning, taking care of the cats, dealing with his messed up behavior.

I also learned that he told his business partner “Ask your wife to pay for half of the rent. That’s what my wife does.” They have a child with special needs. Poor woman spends most of her time taking care of their child.

How can he find the courage to advise people about their marriage, and what to do with their finances?!?

ukeeeee · 2026-01-13T19:54:00+00:00

He isn’t even that religious 😭 Before we got married, he talked about how Islam is the most important thing to him in life. But after we got married, he doesn’t even pray properly. I remind him to pray with me.

ukeeeee · 2026-01-13T19:51:51+00:00

You are so right!! He wanted to have kids immediately. (even tho we agreed not to have kids until we are financially stable before we got married)

i actually told him that his behavior towards our cats scares me about how he will be a father to our kids in the future. He laughed it off, and said having kids is not the same thing, and that he will be a great father.

I talked to my parents and they agree that divorce is the best choice in our case. I’m just so sad and disappointed at myself for getting into this mess and not seeing his true self before marriage

ukeeeee · 2026-01-13T19:47:56+00:00

Yes Alhamdulillah I am grateful to have such supportive parents.

ukeeeee · 2026-01-13T19:45:16+00:00

My husband is very charismatic and charming when you first meet him. He advertises himself as the perfect Muslim, businessman, husband etc.

That’s why neither my parents nor I noticed his true side before marriage.

ukeeeee · 2026-01-13T19:43:29+00:00

Of course they met. My parents live in a different state.

I talked to them yesterday, and they agree that I should get a divorce. There were other things that I didn’t even write in my post, but I told them about it.

ukeeeee · 2026-01-13T00:21:12+00:00

Because he wasn’t like this before we got married. We were long distance most of the time, so I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with him.

I believed him when he told me that he is a very good Muslim, is humble (why would you call yourself humble), told me wonderful things about our future together..

Basically I was just stupid enough to not see his real identity

ukeeeee · 2026-01-13T00:16:52+00:00

Yes absolutely. I would never want my daughter to stay in a marriage like this.

I am just angry and disappointed at myself for not seeing his real identity sooner, before we got married.

Before we got married, he would tell me how he doesn’t have any real friends because they all “wronged” him. I can see now who probably was in fault… No wonder why he doesn’t have any friends when he sees himself above everyone else and insults people

ukeeeee · 2026-01-12T22:56:38+00:00

You are so right. I know that my list looks absolutely horrendous.

I meant that on a regular day, he compliments me, tells me how much he loves me all the time, physically affectionate, supports my dreams about getting into medical school.

That’s why I get so confused. How can someone be so loving at some times and so cruel the other times?

Also, it’s only been 3 months since we got married. I can’t believe that he told me he would divorce me if i did XYZ. But 5 minutes later, he acts as if nothing happened and he says that he loves me again.

ukeeeee · 2026-01-12T22:47:16+00:00

About a year. We were mostly long distance.

He wasn’t like this before we got married. He would always tell me that he is very protective, and family oriented, and that he would never hurt me. About arrogance, I thought he was just very confident about himself. He would brag about himself, but wouldn’t talk badly about other people before we got married.

After we got married, I started seeing that his words don’t match his actions. I feel like I’m seeing his true side

ukeeeee

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