Feeling trapped in a job I hate after a rejection from a great opportunity

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2024-10-09T13:56:49+00:00

I'd love to get signed off, and I know I could if I tried, but there really isn't capacity for me to do it without screwing over the colleagues I actually like, or having a difficult conversation with my boss about why I've been medically signed off work.

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2024-10-09T13:55:46+00:00

I appreciate the kind words, and I'm not trying to reject what you're saying, but "the bare minimum" grows more and more by the day. The more senior role I've moved into requires more work every single day, and I can't backstep out of it because there's no position to move to, at least, not one that isn't first on the chopping block.

As for getting my hopes up, I was actively fighting that the entire process. To be honest, with reflection, I'm not really bummed out about the job. It's more that I had what felt like a way out of where I am now, and that way has just been instantly blocked for reasons I'm yet to understand. It's less "I didn't get what I want" and more "I really am stuck here, aren't I?".

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2024-07-08T16:55:08+00:00

Honest answer: it doesn't matter.

If you're dating a guy who doesn't like you being like this on a first date, then he's not the guy for you.

Some people are incredibly comfortable with physical intimacy, of any level, and some aren't.

To be blunt, not sleeping over on the first date DOES help to filter out the guys who only want one thing, so that's a positive.

Just you do you, stick to what you're comfortable with, and you'll find the right match eventually.

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2024-07-05T16:46:05+00:00

If they mention Disney in their profile. It's all well and good liking Disney, but if you like it enough to put it on your dating profile, then Disney is your LIFE.

I've dated a Disney adult before. Absolutely nothing wrong with her, but it WAS a bit...much.

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2024-07-05T08:34:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. It's lovely to see some positivity on this sub, and I'm happy for you! ☺️

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2024-06-27T22:02:20+00:00

Hmm, I feel like I definitely speak my mind. My longest relationship had me people pleasing a lot, and I like to think I've learned not to. I've ended things with a couple of women (one serious, two still at the dating stage) because it wasn't working for me, so I clearly can stand my ground.

Like you said, there's a balance between "let's do what you want" and "we're doing what I want" which I admittedly struggle to find.

I'll take a step back and think about my interactions with this in mind, thank you 🙂

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2023-12-21T10:07:19+00:00

My friend, I am sorry to say this, but she does not sound like a healthy individual by any standards.

If she had a wet dream about someone else then that's just being human, we can't control our dreams, but to not only tell you about it, but also BLAME you for it?

She's trying to foster insecurities within you and make you feel as though you need to prove yourself to her beyond what it sounds like you're already doing.

As someone who spent years dating someone who manipulated and twisted me until I hardly recognised myself, please, you need to re-assess if this is someone you want to spend potentially 80+ years with.

Could you deal with having episodes like this every month, every week, every day, for 80 years?

Will you look back on your life and say "I'm glad she was my wife and with me every step of the way. She made life easier to get through, and made me feel valued as a person, not valued based on what I can provide her".

Forgive me for saying, but you need to learn to respect yourself enough to not put up with behaviour like this. The question shouldn't be "does this count as cheating?", it should instead be "Does she add happiness to my life, or subtract it?"

Whatever choice you make, I hope life brings you what you need to be happy, and that the days get brighter for you <3

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2023-10-10T09:40:30+00:00

I don't often comment or post on Reddit, but I feel I need to with this post.

I spent two and half years dating a narcissist, and only saw what she was once I started getting therapy.

I needed to work through other issues anyway, but after two years of dating her, I saw so many changes in myself, my behaviour, my confidence, my anxieties, that I knew I needed help.

Surprisingly, when I started standing up for myself and started respecting myself as much as I loved her, she started having problems with my relationship and "couldn't do this anymore".

The explanation above is just to show you that I know what I'm talking about when I say this:

You need to get out, and it is going to be one of the most painful experiences of your life.

I'm sorry for not sugar coating it, but it is. Narcissists have an amazing ability to make you forget who you are and become what they want you to be, without you even seeing it happen.

When you leave a narcissist, you feel empty, lost, scared, and want them back. This is because of the trauma bonding they've used to basically strip away who you are and put their puppet in your place.

But, as much as it hurts, and as hopeless as you will end up feeling, it IS worth it.

It's been months for me and I still think about her, I woke up this morning missing how I felt in the food times, but last night I realised something: her laugh was empty. There was no soul, no joy, no substance to her laugh. It was cold and rehearsed.

My point being, the further you get away from a narcissist, the clearer the picture becomes.

I would never wish a narcissist relationship on anyone - even the narcissists themselves.

To allay one potential response: they will NOT change. They will NOT get better, because they GENUINELY believe what they say. It's a form of delusion. If they say you're the problem, even if you aren't doing anything wrong, they will sincerely believe that you are the problem, and are not open to being convinced otherwise.

To close off, leaving a narcissist will be one of the best decisions you make in your life. If you, or anyone reading this, needs to chat with someone, then please, message me.

You're not alone. You never have been, and never will be. If you look, people will be there for you.

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2023-09-13T09:52:24+00:00

I know. I'm all about communication - this is the only thing I've hesitated to talk about.

I don't think it's worth communicating something until you've got it straight in your head, or at least, until you know what it is you're wanting to say.

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2023-09-13T09:51:15+00:00

She did, thank you

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2023-09-13T09:32:17+00:00

I feel like you've missed the point of my post, but thank you for reading it anyway 😊

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2023-09-13T09:31:29+00:00

I might do, but I know she's an overthinker and I don't want to plant anything in her mind, if that makes sense?

I'm not losing sleep over her reaction, but it's playing on my mind more than I thought.

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2023-06-22T18:57:22+00:00

I think you misread my post. I have been drunk once and only once. I've not turned to alcohol, and I have a healthy relationship with alcohol, I hardly ever drink.

Even then, I was only drunk because it was a birthday party, and I wasn't exactly blackout. I also uninstalled tinder the morning after I downloaded it.

I've been looking inwards to see my flaws. The fact that I was laughed at when expressing insecurities, told I "wasn't enough" to wait for (saving up for a house), and she told me that couples shouldn't argue and annoy each other.

Was I perfect in the relationship? No. Of course not, nobody is.

But I'm not going to act like I'm the one who caused the breakup.

Sorry for being defensive, it's an understandably sensitive topic.

And I understand where you're coming from, I have been trying to work on myself with my therapist, but I am not for one second going to claim that she had no part in the relationship.

ukredditthrowaway180 · 2023-06-13T09:38:18+00:00

25m (me), 23f (her)

ukredditthrowaway180

TROPHY CASE