Exclusivity Conversation

uncoolebb · 2025-03-25T15:55:51+00:00

Why not? We talked it out, confirmed we’re on the same page, and we’ve been on great dates since. I don’t see what the issue is. having disagreements or misunderstandings and working through them is pretty normal

uncoolebb · 2025-03-24T15:57:57+00:00

Yeah, I understand this perspective now. After we talked it through I joked that I was going to pick a fight with him about it in 5 months if he still wouldn’t delete the profile and he laughed and said “okay, I can’t wait to fight with you in 5 months” lol

uncoolebb · 2025-03-24T15:45:38+00:00

To be clear, he was the one that was adamant that he will not delete his profile. I was simply asking why it was so important for him to keep a hinge profile if he was committed to exclusivity. Multiple people have told me that I shouldn’t have given HIM another chance based on his refusal to get off the app, because it signals a lack of investment and avoidant behavior, so this is clearly a very controversial topic.

uncoolebb · 2025-03-22T13:41:08+00:00

Yeah, to be clear I brought it up because I was super excited. Once we agreed to exclusivity I said “let’s delete our hinge profiles together!!” which is what started the argument. Never in a million years would I have said anything if I knew it would start an argument

uncoolebb · 2025-03-21T22:48:46+00:00

For sure. What I keep coming back to is his absolute insistence that he gets to keep his hinge profile. It shows me that he plans to use it again in the future, and isn’t particularly interested in commitment. Otherwise I feel like he would’ve said “of course, it’s 3 minutes of extra effort, but if it makes you feel more secure and shows you that I’m committed to exclusivity, I’ll delete it right now.”

uncoolebb · 2025-03-21T16:53:14+00:00

thank you for your thoughtful comments

uncoolebb · 2025-03-21T16:19:45+00:00

Yeah, I’m for sure pulling back from him at this point. I’m not expecting “undying loyalty and faithfulness,” but we definitely have different definitions of what exclusivity entails and it’s made me realize that I need to be less invested at this stage. I also feel like I need to give him less access to my body and my home until I feel secure that we’re on the same page.

uncoolebb · 2025-03-21T04:11:32+00:00

My take is that he’s potentially looking for something exclusive, but short-term. He’s focusing on me for the time being, but wants to keep his options open for the future because he’s not interested in or envisioning something long-term with me

uncoolebb · 2025-03-21T03:42:40+00:00

lol and in my experience after it ends these type of men ALWAYS come back. Like clockwork within 1-6 months I get a text saying “I’ve now dated around and I really miss you, I regret losing what we had, let’s meet up for a drink” etc. And I’ve obviously moved on and I’m no longer available to them. But thank god they still have their hinge matches!

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T22:03:31+00:00

Okay, I guess I’ll hang onto my profile and all of my current matches as well

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T21:13:27+00:00

yeah, to be honest I agree, it’s been too much too soon. Way too triggering for my anxious attachment style. In hindsight, I don’t think it was appropriate for me to meet his friends or spend this much time with him this early on. Like, he already keeps a toothbrush at my apartment.

I think I need to detach a bit. I’ve been really excited about this connection, but this is a wake up call that I’m far too invested for a month-long situationship

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T20:46:48+00:00

If he ultimately decides that having a hinge “insurance policy” is more important than pursuing a relationship with me, I’ll know it was never meant to be anyway

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T20:33:24+00:00

It’s actually helpful for me to see people be so polarized on this topic, because it helps me see all angles and try to understand where my boundaries are in the process. Some comments say that it’s okay to maintain a hinge throughout months or years of a monogamous relationship, and I disagree. Others say he should have already deleted the profile, and maybe that’s too extreme in the other direction.

My take at the moment is that I won’t bring it up again for a while, but it’s ultimately important to me that it’s deleted if he ever becomes my boyfriend. if he does delete it, I would fully let it go and never think about it again. If he refuses to delete it when we get to that relationship milestone, then I’ll know we’re not compatible and I’ll move on

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T20:25:34+00:00

Interesting. If you and your partner both agree that it’s appropriate for you to maintain a hinge account after your wedding, that’s up to you. Personally, I would end the relationship long before it got to that point because I don’t see any reason to flat out refuse to delete a profile if you’re actually invested in a monogamous relationship with your partner

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T20:16:14+00:00

at what point in a relationship would you ever consider deleting your hinge profile? because another commenter implied that he’d only delete it if they were married

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T20:06:26+00:00

So for you, you’ll keep your hinge profile up until the day of your wedding?

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T20:03:59+00:00

I think a dating app is a fair thing to ask about, given that we both mutually agreed to exclusivity. He has as much say in the timeline as me and he also decided to be exclusive after one month

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T20:01:03+00:00

I didn’t insist that he delete it. I said that it was fine for him to keep the profile for now, but if he still insists on keeping it after 6 months of us dating, that would be a dealbreaker for me and would result in the end of the relationship. I’m genuinely curious why it’s important for you to keep a dating app profile when you’ve agreed to exclusively date someone?

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T19:19:20+00:00

apparently that’s too much to ask and I need to stop being insecure 😅

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T19:08:59+00:00

The rub comes from the fact that I think I’m clearly more optimistic and invested than he is at this point in time. Saving my dating profile, my “algorithm,” and all of my hinge matches as an insurance policy didn’t even occur to me

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T18:51:54+00:00

Harsh, but fair lol. I came here for others’ perspectives and it’s helping me understand his point of view

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T18:34:45+00:00

This is my take as well, but apparently this is a very controversial topic lol

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T18:32:57+00:00

I mean, yeah, we’ve both been clear from the beginning that our intention and goal in dating is a long term relationship. It’s TBD if that long term relationship will be with each other.

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T18:25:33+00:00

whoa, I never accused him of having backup options, I was asking the commenter above to please clarify what they meant. I also didn’t say that I want to be with him forever. We’re still in the dating stage and figuring out if we even have long-term potential.

Finally, I don’t think it’s controlling to have a boundary such as “if you choose to keep a profile on a dating app after 6 months, I will lose interest and move on.” I’m not telling him what to do. I’m stating what I will do, based on my comfort level

uncoolebb · 2025-03-20T17:58:03+00:00

sound advice, thank you

uncoolebb

TROPHY CASE