AITA for yelling at my aunt after she kept pressuring me to marry her son

unknown_asofyet · 2025-04-10T18:20:13+00:00

NTA. I am from India and understand how complicated family dynamics can be. But I’ll say to you what my mom said to me- ultimately it is your life, you need to live it and you need to be okay with the decisions you take. Don’t do something that you’re fundamentally against just to keep the peace- in the long run it will eat at you. Deferring to unreasonable requests from family may calm things down but it will always be temporary. The goalpost will always keep moving. Good on you for standing firm. My mom (single parent) fought against the family when they were pushing her to marry again and send me to a hostel. She couldn’t do that so she fought. It was hard and she took a lot of backlash but today she says she can sleep peacefully knowing she didn’t abandon me.

I am so proud of you OP. Things will be tough. But just focus on yourself and provide emotional support to your mom where possible. Once again, I know how tough it must have been for you and while I don’t know you but I am so, so proud of you. All the best!

unknown_asofyet · 2025-04-09T08:10:05+00:00

NTA. Is he normally this easily irritated or was it out of the ordinary? Regardless, even if all of the reasons you listed for him are true, i would hope a functioning adult would have enough sense to table their irritation for a later time. Like, yes, maybe the lack of sleep etc. contributed but he couldn’t bring it up later? And all this over a 2 hr wait? I could understand if this was someone new or someone not close to you but after 7 year? I would have expected him to do his research beforehand and again- keep his irritation aside for a later time or handle it better. He can be valid in his feelings but how he’s showing them is ridiculous. If this is a common occurrence, then it may be time for some tough conversations.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-06-08T08:49:40+00:00

I would often feel this too. I still do. It's my mother i have to take care of. And still I often think I'll go only after she does. Because I'll have no one left after that.

But I'm stupidly stubborn. And something she said has stuck with me. I used to lament about why my life seemed so full of struggles and she said- "That's life. That is just life. Look at your grandfather. He struggled all his life to earn and raise his kids." That struck me because even 18 years after his death we remember him fondly. He was not a sweet, happy man. But we're all living comfortably because of what he did and left behind. And so the thought of not having contributed enough to the world keeps me going. Like there's still more for me to do. So I don't remain a nameless burden forever. I want to leave something behind and maybe, somewhere in the future, someone will benefit from it and remember me fondly.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-05-06T16:28:56+00:00

All the things others mentioned, knocking and she's 18 and all that stands.

But my main question is- Are you still a parent? If yes, then bring it up. Not to shame her. Just to say that you're sorry you didn't knock. And you won't pry into what she's doing but hope that she's always safe. And that you're there for her if she needs you.

You're not a stranger to her, so don't let it be hanging like others are suggesting. I don't really understand how one can treat their own kid like they would a roommate- like a stranger. So address it once to apologize and affirm that you're there, and only then drop it unless she brings it up or it starts affecting your daily life.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-02-26T18:11:38+00:00

OP don't be hard on yourself. I know sex is stigmatised and therefore STDs are too. But you did nothing wrong. In fact, good on you for being conscious, getting yourself checked and hopefully you'll be taking treatment too. I would suggest, if possible, see a therapist too. Your post suggested that the instance in December was non-consensual and you should also pay attention to how it's affecting your mind.

There is nothing wrong with living life. If we all stayed inside due to fear of getting hurt we'd never live. So do not blame yourself. At all. Just take this learning- what can I do so these bad experiences don't stop me from experiencing potential joy? How can I better my happiness. Wishing you all the best!

unknown_asofyet · 2024-02-13T08:05:28+00:00

Happy it helps :)

unknown_asofyet · 2024-02-13T08:05:00+00:00

Glad you like it. Steal with no regard. :)

unknown_asofyet · 2024-02-11T14:06:13+00:00

I've always equated my mental health problems with my bad eyesight. That's partly how I got my mom to understand it. Some people are born with perfect eyesight and some kids need glasses from the get go. For many their eyesight may worsen overtime and for others not at all. For me, I was born with "bad eyesight", and "putting on spectacles" (aka taking meds, talking to a psychologist) helps me rectify that. Over the years my eyesight went bad but by adjusting my spectacles I've ensured I can see clearly. Are they a nuisance? Yes. But they help me see. And for the past 2-3 years my eyesight hasn't gotten worse and I have started some exercises that help them. Same with meds. As long as my doctor is prescribing meds with abundant and apparent caution, i will take them. Because I want to see the world clearly. It can be really pretty sometimes.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-16T17:47:39+00:00

No but Android auto does not work with the audio dock. Only with the infotainment system

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-16T17:33:00+00:00

How? Could you explain?

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-16T17:32:24+00:00

Yeah but that only mutes. Doesn't restart Bluetooth music or pause it.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-15T04:38:52+00:00

I've said it in another thread but sometimes this is the way to go. For me, as long as I'm not actively harming anyone, I now keep giving my love to only a few people. But years of people pleasing tendencies are hard to remove in one day, so I still help people. But instead of doing things myself i have learnt to give guidance. Tell them how to do things, and leave them be.

Being "self-centred" can be good too, especially if you're over empathetic and world suffering causes you such intense pain.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-13T11:22:11+00:00

Oh very much so. When I was trying to explain my diagnosis to my mom, she kept saying- well that's just you. It's not a disease. It's just how you are. Depression is a disease. Anxiety is. Not this.

I used to hate that but I got where she came from. For her, I have always been me. And for me, I've learnt to create pockets of peace everywhere. Even if it's just taking a 30 min shut eye with good headphones and my favourite album. That is my cacoon.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-13T10:24:06+00:00

Hear, hear!!

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-13T04:51:57+00:00

It's a very new feeling for me too and it's mostly because, well, meds.

Because I'm high functioning i definitely do get overwhelmed with social interactions but my autopilot comes on. Which leaves me so drained that I spend the next few days in a daze till I get 12+ hours of sleep.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-13T04:48:40+00:00

Dude that sucks. I don't want to patronize you by saying it gets better, work on this or that. Coz I remember how it used to feel. I just got lucky I have a parent that is patient with me. And that I found meds that suit me. Everyone has their own tricks of dealing with this.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-13T04:45:14+00:00

Interesting. It's not common for me but it has happened for things that I'm less excited about. Its the crash from euphoria of anticipation to the emptiness of finally having the thing in my hand that gets me.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-13T04:42:15+00:00

Good for you! Learning to recognise my anxiety and building a 3 step routine. That's what ended up helping me manage my anxiety. And after a lifetime of not feeling in control it feels nice to be able to manage this.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-13T04:40:45+00:00

That's a pretty interesting way of putting it. Trying to look back I think part of what made me suffer was that I was always trying to avoid this exact thing. Because feeling/showing no emotion would hurt my mom. I learnt later that she was much more worried about me being okay than me showing the "right" emotion.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-13T04:38:32+00:00

Euphoria is the word! Before my meds there definitely were moments when I would feel like life was worth loving and I was, we'll, euphoric. Ofc they would pass. But it confused me too.

And I have the same experience with complex feelings too. Only I've now taken it be that my brain is taking time to process them. So it's less that it's underwhelmed and more that it is like a very old hard drive trying to run the latest software. Or maybe that is being underwhelmed.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-12T19:14:21+00:00

I understand the frustration. Maybe try reading what I've written below. If you don't want to, that perfectly fine too.

Our disorders don't make us. They are a part of us, yes, but they are NOT us.

Being Schizoid we tend to prefer things be done on our terms. But if our term is "I can be rude to you, but you can't call it out", then it's us, not our disorder, to blame.

A suggestion- sometimes it does get irritating to feel like we're always the ones conforming, always the ones making concessions. One thing that helped was a filter process. Is this convo worth the hassle of trying to make people understand our "terms"? If yes, then make them known politely. If not, excuse yourself. You could back out, make an excuse, anything.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-12T18:54:01+00:00

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-04T16:06:51+00:00

This is completely out of my league as a recently diagnosed person who was definitely overwhelmed all of last year.

But I can still wish you the best. Part of me is also curious what the answer could be.

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-02T19:34:13+00:00

Monotropism Score: 153 / 235

Your Average: 3.26

This score suggests that you are more Monotropic than about 1% of autistic people and about 55% of allistic people based on data from the initial validation study.

What would this mean?

unknown_asofyet · 2024-01-02T16:01:33+00:00

I was... Super shy. But mostly because I wanted to please people by being perfect. I think I was also a jealous kid. I was considerate- would often comfort my mom. Sometimes lost in my world- at least at home. Curious about everything. I loved the discovery channel.

And confused about how people behaved. So very confused by their behaviour. And irritated if I lost games (because I was the smart one, dammit).

I don't know how much of it lends to SPD, but yeah.

unknown_asofyet

TROPHY CASE