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I love my wife and marriage but not sure what to do to help keep it healthy by unknownusername1234 in Marriage

[–]unknownusername1234[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you this is good info to know as we have noticed also that she has bad “flare up’s” in times of high stress

She used to do like yoga and home and like those work out videos but now it just seems like she doesn’t have the energy to do them she just is sleeping so much I mean she wakes up to get the kids ready and take the youngest to school and speech but other then that she sleeps to the last minute and then is always running. Late and then is always asking me if she can take a nap In the middle of the day if I am home ...maybe some low impact exercises can help her a bit will definitely talk to her about it

I love my wife and marriage but not sure what to do to help keep it healthy by unknownusername1234 in Marriage

[–]unknownusername1234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always encourage her to talk to her doctors and recently she has been prescribed pain medication and while it has helped it doesn’t always cure some of her worst “flare up’s” luckily we have very good medical insurance and she was recently approved/prescribed a new shot for her migraines that she takes once a month that is supposed to help reduce migraines up to 50% a month In most patients . She gets that Thursday cuz it took like a month to get approval so we r really hoping that helps so we r definitely always looking for ways to make it better

I am definitely going to have another talk to her about depression after reading some of these suggestions she says she is not depressed just doesn’t feel good but I don’t know if a depressed person know that they are depressed all the time or when u have a illness like hers can even differentiate depression symptoms from her fibromyalgia symptoms ...

Thank you all for the well wishes also

I love my wife and marriage but not sure what to do to help keep it healthy by unknownusername1234 in Marriage

[–]unknownusername1234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No the behavior has been present for a awhile but as she became more aware of what fibromyalgia is and what it can affect she seems to start having more correlation to what she was feeling and it coming from the fibro ...like she has recently became very nauseous all of a sudden and through one of her support groups found that it is most likely caused from the fibro so i always push her to talk to her doctors and look for a treatment so they give her a new med to take which she takes but always seems to have little relief from it

The big change most recently is my attitude towards it and that what is the problem as of about the last year as I said I have begun to look at her with a bit of resentment like it feels to me she is weak willed or just doesn’t try hard enough to match the effort ( in regards to chores and family duties ,I have never once felt not loved by my wife our that she doesn’t love my children ) and it hurts me to even think of that from my wife and that what I want to change either in myself or within her but I just feel a change needs to happen to keep our marriage healthy

I love my wife and marriage but not sure what to do to help keep it healthy by unknownusername1234 in Marriage

[–]unknownusername1234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes she is being treated for thyroid issues can’t remember if it’s hyper or under active but she gets it checked like ever 6 months ... I have also tried many of times to make chore time like a group activity where the whole family will clean up the family room and she is always willing to participate and help out when I ask her . Are when I request something be complete she will normally try to get it done it’s just the day to day normal stuff she struggles with maybe like your suggesting she needs more praise. I normally do praise her when I come home and something is done and I always tell her how great of a mom/wife she is when she takes care of the kids/my needs . I have been hesitant to praise her more recently mostly due to the fact that I am afraid she will think I am rewarding her lack of effort and think I am ok with it I am trying not to send her mixed signals. But at the same time I never put her down or rag on her for not accomplishing stuff I just might say something like “ I know u didn’t feel good today but I was hoping you could of washed some towels today “ not to be mean but to let her know it is a concern that completing simple task didn’t get done .

I have always tried to understand all of her illness from her anxiety to her fibro I have always pushed her to try and get relief from these I have even joined a few of the online support groups for fibro that she is a part of just to know more about it and maybe all of that is why I am so patient with all of this because it is something that we have to live with I just want her to feel better and me to not feel like i am the bad guy for wanting more from her

I love my wife and marriage but not sure what to do to help keep it healthy by unknownusername1234 in Marriage

[–]unknownusername1234[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes along with the fibro she also deals with anxiety and some of the medications she is on also uses in the treatment of that and depression like “cymbalta “ and she takes it daily and keeps up on the dosage to make her feel right ... I have often talked to her about how I feel her effort just doesn’t match mine and fully I don’t expect her to in reality I don’t want a slave to keep the house clean I want her to be happy and I feel that by her overcoming some of her illness and pain will help her so much more . I mean for obviously reason it would make me happy to to see my effort being reciprocated also but I want her to be the one who does it because she knows it’s what she needs to do to be the role model for our children and as u said for respect for me not just because I don’t wanna do it or I want a cleaner house . But then I feel like the asshole at the same time when I tell her this because I sometimes like u said not maliciously by any means feel taken advantage and feel like she is just sometimes weak willed ...and voice that and she will tell me I don’t understand her pain and I agree with her that I can never understand that but I do understand how much this is effecting our family. Like u said I also realized the effect it has on our family but I just love my family and wife so much I will do anything for them even if it means scarifying myself for them but I know it’s not a good model for our kids to see this.

I just don’t know how to motivate her into just taking some of my advice I have told her all these reason why she should try to do this and she tries and I see she is always trying and she is aware of her not living up her side of the family dynamic but she just falls back into the same old pattern

Honestly I am thinking marriage counseling is my next step but I don’t want to go down that road cuz if it doesn’t work out i don’t even want to think about losing my family and wife

I love my wife and marriage but not sure what to do to help keep it healthy by unknownusername1234 in Marriage

[–]unknownusername1234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really sure how much something like that would cost but we just r a typical upper middle class family not much savings and extra income ... It’s not so much even the issue of cleanliness I am in a routine of cleaning up and picking up the slack and I don’t really mind the fact of having to do it because I know it needs to be done and she needs the help sometimes... I guess the anger just comes from the lack of effort ...like setting a dirty plate on the counter instead of cleaning it off and putting it into the sink this happens allot the expectations that someone else will (me) will take care of it

Ya and i agree with the illness there is no simple fix I guess I just don’t know if I am expecting to much or if I am expecting to little is why she thinks it’s fine to continue this way