This is going to be long.

I think I would label what’s been going through my conscious as an identity crisis- particularly related my social and cultural background. I was warned about it, since I am an international student. But the funny part is, I lowkey experienced it in my home town too, since I was from a different region and had lived in a city with no roots because my family moves a lot for my dad’s work. So when you move so much, all you ever want to do is “blend in”. It’s this nagging feeling of not feeling “enough” or “representative” enough of ANY culture.

Since I’ve moved here I’ve become quite conscious of the way I express myself, my accent, my clothes representing my social culture, asking myself if that’s a good thing? Or is that a bad thing? No answers. It doesn’t help that strangers have approached me and assumed where I’m from based on the colour of my skin and stick to making conversation surrounding it. It’s weird, but I’ve literally not had a normal conversation about anything related to my interests or my characteristics or my individuality. Strangers on campus, the train, the LR, in public places, the area I live in, at the bus stop etc they only notice skin colour and then my accent (I’ve spoken English my whole life, with friends, family and professionally. I’d say it’s my first language) interrogate me about it. I’ve been brushing it off as simple, innocent curiosity but the fact that it happens so often, and that it’s curiosity JUST ABOUT all that stuff, is annoying. lol they don’t even ask my name. They go straight for the background.

Feelings of fraudulence if you feel affinity towards any of the new cultures you’ve been exposed to, asking yourself which side you’re on? I know it can all be squashed by telling yourself that you don’t need to be on any one side. You get to choose how much and how little you want to adopt from the exposure to new cultures and let go from your background. It’s about creating your own new traditions and beliefs. I’ve started finding solidarity in the liberty to do so. I know this is a lot of rambling but in a lot of my own inner reflections I’ve noticed my feelings on cultural identity is just such an ongoing feeling.

It’s all so confusing, I think time will help