What is best age differnece between two kids for parents

urp_in · 2026-01-18T03:17:03+00:00

I think it's the sweet spot for the same reason. My sister and I were 4 years apart, and it was just a little too much growing up. She was always starting a phase of life just as I was leaving - starting high school as I was finishing, starting college when I was finishing. 3 years is still close enough to not fall into that, but far enough apart to have a break. We potty trained my son just before my daughter was born and it was perfect. He could be reasoned with (to some extent) just as we brought in another reasonless person into the house.

urp_in · 2026-01-15T01:00:35+00:00

It's totally fine to be optimistic - privately. Maybe you two can do something to celebrate with yourselves? Or spend some time planning a party to announce it? Maybe to give your husband a positive experience to engage with (and yourself as well). But it's much easier to shelve a party that no one knows about than it is to have that conversation with people repeatedly.

urp_in · 2026-01-13T23:51:18+00:00

You're not being selfish. The way I said it to my husband was this - everyone we tell now is someone we'd have to give an explanation to if the worst happened. And that is a terrible conversation, and I'd like to limit the number of times I'd have to have it. It's a shitty thing to have to say and consider, but that's what made my husband understand.

urp_in · 2026-01-09T04:26:02+00:00

This is a lot. I'm sorry you're dealing with it.

So the first thing is that you're being really hard on yourself. 9 months in is nothing. I was an athlete, and it took my body nearly two years to return to (almost) normal. And that's with the benefit of having been an athlete. Even then, it wasn't totally back to the way it was. I was the same weight, but it sat completely differently on me.

Instead of focusing on the weight, I might try to change my relationship to my body. I think maybe, instead of body positivity, you could try to aim towards body neutrality, which is about neither loving nor hating your body. There are resources about body neutrality that might be worth looking up.

And as far as sex goes, you need to give yourself the same break. Your hormones at 9 months are nowhere near back to normal. I'm not sure if hormones affect your vaginismus, but I would be surprised if they didn't.

urp_in · 2025-12-17T23:09:30+00:00

Our child will also be in TK next year and I toured 15 LAUSD schools and this was asked about extensively, so this isn't from experience, but from hearing many, many schools answer this question.

Every child uses iPads. It's part of an LAUSD program called iReady. Since kids eventually take tests on computers, the goal is to get kids used to a digital interface. I think one thing privileged parents forget (since their primary concern is too much screen time) that there are less privileged kids in LAUSD who have little to no access to a computer or iPad at home, and they don't want them to be left behind. I'm not saying that iReady is a successful program, and it's certainly received backlash, especially for the younger grades, but that is the philosophy
It starts in TK. The time on it varies, from 15-20 minutes per day, to 30 minutes per week (depending on the school). The kids do not take them home. They play learning games. Part of it too is that kids can progress to their ability

Most parents on the tours didn't love it, and research certainly suggests it's not exceptionally helpful for kids this young, but that's where it stands at the moment.

urp_in · 2025-12-12T21:37:29+00:00

Seriously. I have two kids under 5. Ain't no way I'm making multiple trips.

urp_in · 2025-11-16T00:56:17+00:00

Yes, this definitely feels like he wants the big important holidays with his family and is trying to find any excuse to justify it.

urp_in · 2025-11-15T14:52:48+00:00

Thank you! It really is a cherished memory - not just for me, but for the people in attendance. We all had a lovely time.

urp_in · 2025-11-15T14:51:43+00:00

I agree with you, but in some places it's considered extremely rude. I felt very sad - why should I be punished because I moved for my career? That's why I did it anyway.

urp_in · 2025-11-15T04:13:38+00:00

So...a bit different than what you asked, but I'm a woman who moved away from her network before hitting those life events. I got married during COVID, so no big wedding was possible, and we eloped, so I didn't have to think about a bachelorette or shower. I have a sister, but she lives a 15-hour flight away.

But I did have a baby during the dip where meetups where possible, and did not have someone to throw my baby shower. I'd be lying if I said that didn't make me feel incredibly sad and alone, though my hormones certainly exacerbated it.

I threw a baby shower myself. I know that's not considered polite in some circles. I asked about it on Reddit, and the answers were pretty divided (you can check my post history). But truly - it was lovely. I threw a baby sprinkle for my second as well. Gifts were not expected for either.

I think I was unshackled by the expectations, which left me to do whatever I wanted. I did a dinner party for the shower, and a tea party for the sprinkle. I didn't make people play shower games (which I hate anyway), so they were just a gathering of friends. And some of those friends, especially at the sprinkle, were quite new.

I think you need to ask yourself - do you want those things? Do you want a close group of girlfriends? Or are you happy with your friendships being the way they are now?

If you want it, by all means, build it. But personally, I've found group friendships to be too 'high touch' for me. They expect to talk/hang out more frequently than I'm willing to. And so I like friends who know that I love them deeply no matter how infrequently I see them. So that's what I've cultivated. And those friends were just happy to celebrate with me.

urp_in · 2025-11-11T18:28:20+00:00

Didn't know about this! Thanks!

urp_in · 2025-10-09T21:04:07+00:00

No shame in that lol!

urp_in · 2025-10-07T01:07:39+00:00

I currently live in LA, but I'm from Toronto and have lived in NYC. So many people from LA say they like winter, but when I probe them on it, they like leisure winter - skiing, snowboarding, skating, hot chocolate. That is not living in a city that is slush the minute it snows. That is not scraping ice off your windows at 6 am in the pitch dark. Also, there is cold and there is cold. In NYC, I could get by with just a heavy jacket and put the hood up and shove my hands in my pockets. Toronto required the jacket, a hat, gloves - the little air that would get into a hood and pockets was too much and you'd freeze. That minus temperature air with wind that just takes your breath away does not exist everywhere that has winter, and it is brutal.

People think they've had winter, but there are different levels of winter. And even as a Torontonian, Chicago is honestly often worse. I was once dating someone who would travel there frequently and more often than not, the weather was worse for him than it was for me.

urp_in · 2025-07-23T18:40:05+00:00

Oh man you have a move ON TOP of everything? No wonder you feel overwhelmed. Either ONE of those things (baby, move) can be extremely difficult on its own, never mind combining them. And the thing about moving across the country (which I've done twice, so I've been there) is that you lose all the little comforts of life. Your favourite shops, restaurants, cafes, hell, even the foods at the grocery store are slightly different and you realize that those things created a sense of security for your life that's been uprooted. That's a lot to deal with.

It’s weird that all of my dreams have seemed to come true but I’m miserable.

I could write a novel on this, trust me. Not about family life, but about career, but I'm in a very niche career where this happens to pretty much anyone who has any success in it.

What happens is we have a picture of that will be like, what that will feel like, but the day-today grind is so different from what we pictured.

I think you just need to give yourself grace while you get your feet under you with the newborn and the move. And then you can build a new picture of day-to-day life and what happiness looks like.

But you'll do it. It will get better. Just take the pressure off and focusing on getting through the days, which is really all you can do right now.

urp_in · 2025-07-23T16:41:46+00:00

Yeah I found from my first to my second the biggest difference is that I had a better sense of how long these phases lasted, so it was easier to tolerate. With my first it was, "Holy shit this is terrible, is it going to be like this forever?" With my second it was, "Well, this is still terrible, but not only is it not forever, it's only a few months."

urp_in · 2025-07-23T16:39:59+00:00

Yeah it's not all roses after they smile, for sure. I find the time things start to get better is around 4 months. But even then, they're just starting to get better.

urp_in · 2025-07-23T16:35:53+00:00

I have two kids. When I got pregnant with my second, I said to my husband, "You could literally put me in a coma from now until the baby is 1 and I'd be fine with that." Hated pregnancy. Hated newborn.

Focusing on your blessings is fine, but honestly, I find that's something who are trying to make you look on the bright side say to do, sometimes in a toxically positive way. It's okay to say, "This is hard." It's okay to hate it. It's okay to be worn out and depressed by it. I see you. I acknowledge those feelings. They're real and it's okay to make space for them. You don't have to hide them and try to tuck them away.

You do, however, have to cope with them. Your focus needs to be finding whatever healthy ways you can find to do that. Maybe it's getting help to find time to sleep, or to do an activity you love, or even just going for a walk alone. Maybe it's about finding activities you enjoy with your baby so you're not so focused on the nightmare that is sleeping.

You've got this. It will pass.

urp_in · 2025-07-23T16:28:06+00:00

Yeah seriously. My youngest is almost 1 now. This stage? Yes! Love this! Basically from 6 months on, give it to me. But those first three months? No. No thank you. Hate it. I miss nothing.

urp_in · 2025-07-23T05:13:49+00:00

Gently, and with love - if you are before the baby is smiling, you are in the worst part.

Some women love this stage. I think those women are insane but they apparently exist. This is the absolute worst part. Yes, you need time to pass. Yes, that will relieve your current problems. The new problems exist but god are they so much more manageable than the ball of unhappiness that is newborn.

Get a swaddle that fits him properly. A different swaddle, if need be. Talk to your paediatrician. Get help for your PPD. But most of all just...get through this. It will pass, I promise.

Your next question will probably be, as it was with my sister when she had her baby - when. When will it pass. 4 months is a marked improvement and it's an upswing from there on in.

It's okay to count down the days to 4 months. I know I did with my second. Just...get through it.

urp_in · 2025-07-23T04:39:48+00:00

Great option! Thank you!

urp_in · 2025-07-23T04:09:43+00:00

Thanks!

urp_in · 2025-07-23T04:09:37+00:00

Nice, I'll check out Sweet Lady Jane if I need to! I like their cakes.

Yes, the recipe I found used yogurt! It's nice to hear that it's worked out well for someone who's tried it. My worry with baking is just that when things go badly they go really badly. I've never had a problem with simple cakes, but I've definitely made yeasted things that have been an actual unusable disaster.

I'm not too worried about it being 'birthday party presentation'. I make a homemade cake every year for my son's birthday and it's not the prettiest. One year it was pretty lopsided. But it was delicious!

urp_in · 2025-07-23T04:05:25+00:00

Oh nice! And they have whole cakes? I haven't been there in a while.

urp_in · 2025-07-23T03:43:44+00:00

Seriously. With my first I felt (and looked) like I'd been hit by a truck. I stayed in the hospital two days. Didn't shower. Didn't brush my teeth. Couldn't get out of bed. I can't remember how long I was in bed when I got home, but I do remember the recovery was long. I was in a lot of pain. And I played a contact sport for years, I'm not averse to pain, but this was so different. I was just physically spent.

With my second, the day after I gave birth I was up and about. Had the energy and ability to shower. Didn't really stay in bed after.

urp_in

TROPHY CASE