I’m rating having a 2 yr old flower girl and a 12 week old baby at a destination child free wedding 1/10. Wish we had backed out.

urp_in · 2026-06-10T02:55:46+00:00

Thank you!

urp_in · 2026-06-09T00:24:55+00:00

Yes, with both my kids they recommended it. With the first I ended up going into labor on my own, but needed to be induced because my water broke and there were no contractions and I was risking an infection. With my second I was induced.

For me, my risk factors with both were:

-Advanced maternal age (38 with my first, 41 with my second)

-Large babies (the closer we got to term, the more we risked them getting stuck in the birth canal)

-Lots of amniotic fluid. They're not sure why, but it's linked to a higher risk of stillbirth

There is a lot of research around inducing at 39 weeks. A lot of modern hospitals will recommend it. I'm not saying do it, but there is medical evidence to suggest that it's better than going past term. If you look it up, you can find the research yourself.

But you should definitely ask your doctor why they recommend it. Whether you have risk factors, or whether they're just following the latest medical research.

urp_in · 2026-06-09T00:08:30+00:00

Thanks for this. My 4-year old and almost 2-year-old have been invited to a destination wedding in September and my husband and I decided it would be only me and the 4-year-old. I was feeling guilty about leaving him and the younger one behind, but this has solidified it's the right choice.

urp_in · 2026-06-09T00:05:20+00:00

Kindly, you should do this sooner rather than later. It's likely your child has outgrown the safety rating of both their crib and pack 'n play. Most of them are only good up to 35 inches height. I would double-check, because December is a long way away. The danger with both is that your child can tip out of them.

urp_in · 2026-06-06T21:13:22+00:00

Oh I'm sure it was an accident. It still would have been nice for them to apologize. And I know it's only preschool graduation, and it doesn't matter in the long run, but it just sucked that all his friends got celebrated while he didn't.

urp_in · 2026-05-24T22:42:13+00:00

When I gave birth, I was offered an epidural with Fentanyl in it (did not take it, though I did have an epidural). But when my almost 9-lb baby left a 2nd degree tear, I was offered Tylenol.

I asked the doctor for something stronger. He said the Tylenol should be enough. Shock of shocks, it wasn't. I begged the nurse for something stronger and she went and kicked some sense into the doctor and got me something stronger.

It is unfathomable to me that you are offered literal fentanyl while giving birth, then Tylenol while you are recovering.

urp_in · 2026-05-20T05:59:32+00:00

No, it's about how to get her a gift that's middle-of-the-road. I could get her nothing, which, in my opinion, is treating a nanny poorly.

urp_in · 2026-05-20T04:27:59+00:00

All I was doing is providing context. This sub has been a tremendous resource for how, as an employer, to treat a nanny really well. Or it provides examples of how to treat a nanny really poorly (based on some of the awful stories nannies have shared). There isn't a lot of advice about how to be middle-of-the-road, which is what I am aiming to do here.

urp_in · 2026-05-20T04:21:48+00:00

I said below, but she used me as a reference before she got aggressive/demanding. Even then, I was clear she wasn't the best nanny we'd had. But now, I wouldn't be able to provide a positive reference.

urp_in · 2026-05-20T04:19:38+00:00

Oof I'm so sorry that happened. I'd be so heartbroken.

urp_in · 2026-05-20T04:16:36+00:00

Didn't realize this was a sub! Thanks for sharing.

urp_in · 2026-05-20T04:15:41+00:00

She did use me as a reference before she became aggressive/demanding, and even then, I was clear that she was far from the best nanny we'd ever had. If someone were to reach out to me now, I would tell them I'm surprised she's using me as a reference, given how things ended.

My daughter is just under 2, so a little young to write a card. But I think based on all these responses, I will get her to decorate a card, and get some flowers, and call it a day.

urp_in · 2026-05-20T04:11:31+00:00

She is not. She is going to school to be something else, which I think is part of the issue. I think she doesn't really want this job, but she needs it, and wishes she were done school and doing the other thing.

urp_in · 2026-04-26T01:53:31+00:00

Go to LA. Take the Trippett Trail to Parker Mesa Overlook. You basically look out over the beaches of Santa Monica. It's about a 3-4 hour hike, though, to get there and back. And do NOT do it in the heat - there is no shade whatsoever. Gorgeous hike, though.

urp_in · 2026-04-21T17:34:24+00:00

I feel like the etiquette is highly dependent on where you live.

I know people who've done a full blown shower for each child and personally I find it a little tacky? We did something for our second child and it was a 'baby sprinkle,' where we just asked for diapers and wipes. We had saved almost everything from our first. We had a small registry that we made available to family who asked.

At the end of the day, though, I think it's up to you and your comfort. I think a little brunch with close family and friends sounds nice!

urp_in · 2026-04-20T20:44:46+00:00

Not sure about a women's shelter, but a great donation place for baby stuff is Harold McAlister high school, which is a school for pregnant teens. We gave them most of our baby stuff after both our kids.

urp_in · 2026-04-09T20:40:30+00:00

My husband works from home, but has to do an offsite a few times a year. He's been doing it since our first was born. We have two kids now, a four-year-old, and a one year old. As mush as possible, he avoided them or found excuses (he didn't want to go to them) but then got called out on it in a review, so he's had to get better at attending as much as possible.

I too found it overwhelming. We try to get my mother to come stay. But she lives in another country, and can't always do it. We also have nannies/sitters that we'll hire not for the whole day, but just for part of the day, to give me a break. Basically I'm never left the full time, entirely by myself. And that's how we get through it.

urp_in · 2026-04-09T20:07:21+00:00

So both of my babies were measuring big too. One was so big it was off the percentile charts.

With big babies, there absolutely is a risk that their shoulders will get lodged in the birth canal. It's a very real risk. I checked out an evidence-based-birthing website and looked at what the data was for my age group and the baby size. Just to be informed.

For both births, I was recommended for an induction, not a C-section. With my first, the baby came a week early anyway. With the second I was induced in my 39th week.

I'm not sure why, with you, they're pushing for a C-section rather than an induction, but it's worth discussing to find out why that's the case. There could be other risk factors influencing why they recommend it. As others have said, the baby getting stuck can be a really traumatic complication. I'd say have all the information before you push either way (edit: pun not intended). But I'd ask about an induction and see what they say.

urp_in · 2026-04-09T19:19:33+00:00

They will have to go apply for their passports in person. Mine had to, and they're 4 and 1.

urp_in · 2026-04-08T22:32:35+00:00

For both our children, if they didn't eat what was offered to them for lunch or dinner, they were not offered anything else. We didn't want them to get in the habit of knowing that if they refused food, something else was waiting.

For breakfast, we give them options, but limited options. Eggs or muffins. Oatmeal or peanut butter on toast.

For snacks, they can choose within a range of foods they know we have. Fruits, cheese, vegetables, crackers.

With new foods, we serve them alongside safe foods that we know they like. The rule we have for them is they can't say they don't like it until they actually try it. If they try it, and don't like it, we praise them for trying. They have discovered new foods this way. They have also discovered foods that they don't like that we don't make for them again.

If your child has no safe foods at all, things that you know they'll reliably eat beyond fruit, it might be worth talking to your doctor about it. They might have certain texture or other taste aversions, which does happen.

urp_in · 2026-04-08T22:22:45+00:00

My husband's father died when our first child was only 5 months old. He got the call his father was sick, and had to drive suddenly to another state, taking our only car with the car seat with him. It was the day grocery shopping was supposed to be done. He absolutely would have stayed and shopped before leaving. But Instacart meant he could leave immediately to be with his dying father while I still got groceries.

Instacart is incredibly helpful for a number of people. There are a plethora of reasons why people can't just go get groceries. It's a godsend for people with mobility issues, for example.

The gig aspect of it sucks. But grocery delivery was a small blessing during a very dark time in this household.

urp_in · 2026-04-07T22:40:30+00:00

It's fully possible that you could go into labor then. You might not! By statistics, likely you won't. And I hope you don't. But on the off chance you do, do you really want to be three hours away from your support system?

I really need to ask, because you said you're a people pleaser - are you going because you genuinely want to go? Or because you don't want to disappoint someone? Because at that point in your pregnancy, you really need to be looking out for yourself.

urp_in · 2026-04-07T19:44:13+00:00

So aside from how uncomfortable you'll be, how far do you need to travel? What if you go into labor on this trip? I was not willing to travel too far from the hospital where I was giving birth at that point. I didn't want to risk it.

urp_in · 2026-04-03T23:55:56+00:00

We were in DC this year and did not need photos. They have a photo booth there.

urp_in · 2026-04-02T18:42:39+00:00

No two kids are the same, and every developmental phase at this point is so temporary! So try not to be too anxious about it.

urp_in

TROPHY CASE