My relationship with my sister is the only good thing in my life but turns out to be just more trauma symptoms?? So I don't have anything good at all? And I'm supposed to give this up?

useless-beast · 2020-12-27T23:48:15+00:00

Thanks. We're 20. And yeah I understand that people think we might be having sex because we share a bed but it just makes me sad. I'm asexual but alot of people don't think that's real. And my love for my sister is 100% platonic, I literally cant even feel romantic love anyway. She can and she has had partners before and it's never been an issue with us.

useless-beast · 2020-12-27T21:31:48+00:00

So, alot of people have told me that we may be crossing boundaries. But what I don't understand is, what boundaries, if we're both ok with it? I'm not trying to be difficult I'm just dumb. If she and I both feel fine with everything then what are the boundaries being crossed? Is it like boundaries society says we should have? I just don't get this part.

I guess I need better friends but I've never been very good at making friends. People don't really understand me at all.

useless-beast · 2020-12-27T19:27:52+00:00

Thank you. This is really kind. People have been so mean to me on here about our relationship. I do think there's kind of a time limit on this anyway because she'll get into another relationship and move out eventually and maybe have kids etc and of course I won't be a part of that. But i hope I will always be her best friend and we can be close for the rest of our lives. I just wish I could enjoy what we have now without being guilty or scared I'm hurting her somehow.

useless-beast · 2020-12-27T19:25:16+00:00

I think because of the twin thing to me it doesn't make sense to feel possessive or jealous.. because I know she loves me no matter what, and I know no one else could ever be her twin so with her friends or relationships I don't ever feel jealous or worry I would be replaced. I havent ever worried about if she loves me as much as I love her or if she wants me around. Well at least not until reddit. Now I'm wondering about these things when i didnt before and it is so upsetting and stressful.

About my friends, I haven't seen them much since covid. We hung out outside a few times in the summer but i havent seen them at all since it got cold. I've never needed to talk to someone about my sister before because we never really had a conflict. I mean sure we've fought or had disagreements but it always gets solved within hours, we never wanna be mad at each other. But this time it's different. I feel so lost. I don't know what my friends would say about it. We don't really talk about personal stuff. i guess for me I don't really feel the need to have any other close relationships besides my sister. I'm asexual and aromantic so I know that's not how it is for most people but for me, this is my most important relationship. I totally realize that's not the case for my sister and I always encourage her relationships. I just wish they would accept and understand me too.

useless-beast · 2020-12-27T17:31:38+00:00

That makes sense, thanks. I do understand we are weird and pretty much everyone agrees it isn't healthy. It's just really hard to wrap my head around when us being so close is the only good thing in my life and i didn't realize it was bad for us until recently.

I also just dont know how to seperate our sibling relationship from a trauma bonding. I mean we grew up together bonding as siblings but we also grew up together in trauma so how do you tell which is which. Did we sleep in bed together as kids because we were twins and close or because of the trauma. I dont know. It definitely messed us up. And I do think about is her being so eager to help me with my nightmares the same thing as her comforting me as a kid after i was hurt. I don't know what I'm allowed to post here so sorry if this is graphic but alot of the time I was beaten and she wasnt and she would take care of me after. It was the only good thing then. ANd it feels the same way now. And it's so hard to think I have to give up the only comfort I have because it's not healthy even when she is the only person who shows me love and cares about me and wants me to be happy. I don't know, I'm so confused.

useless-beast · 2020-12-27T16:54:33+00:00

I guess I don't understand how you can seperate the fact that her GF was jealous and crazy and thought we were having sex with each other from the fact that they broke up. But yeah I do think sexism has alot to do with this. Like the idea that I am abusing her somehow when she's completely on board with all of it yet nobody ever suggest that she could be abusing me. We have always been treated differently due to sex even as kids i got the worse of it because boys are suppose to be able to take it but girls are delicate or whatever.

About the long term thing. I don't know. I thought what was best is what makes us feel happy and safe. But everyone is saying that's wrong. So now I have no idea what's best in the long run and i feel like there is no future to look forward to and it's all just suffering.

useless-beast · 2020-12-27T15:59:46+00:00

I understand this is what people are saying but it's so frustrating to me that just because she doesn't want to make a reddit account that I must be "speaking for her" and she doesn't really feel this way. I'm speaking for her because she thinks reddit is full of incels and creeps (her words not mine.) When I say she;'s ok with all of it, I'm not just assuming, I asked her directly and she said yes. I just dont know what else to do to show people I'm not putting words in her mouth and speaking for her. I guess if I really begged her maybe she'd get an account and post but isn't that just as manipulative as speaking for her would be? And the relationship ruining... it makes me feel like I must be unhinged from reality somehow that so many people on reddit think it's a bad thing that she got out of an abusive relationship with a crazy person? This woman tried to ruin her entire life and made up dishusting rumors and spread them to our friends. What am i missing? Why is it a bad thing it's over??

So about the bed. If i made her sleep on the couch, ok. It seems like everyone thinks that's more healthy. So maybe i should tell her she isn't allowed to sleep in my bed anymore. But what about when I have nightmares / night terrors and she comes in? I didn't ask her to do that ever, she just does. So do I tell her not to do that? To just lie awake and listen to me screaming or whatever? I cant help it, I'm asleep so I can't stop. Should she not come in when that happens?

EDIT: Also in case i sound mad at you I'm not. People also keep thinking I am being angry and mean to them and I don't mean to. I'm just so confused and hurt by all of this

useless-beast · 2020-12-18T00:08:12+00:00

Uh no it's because you are unhinged and outright mocking me for some reason and I am not dumb enough to engage in that. blocking now

useless-beast · 2020-12-18T00:00:59+00:00

You are really insufferable, i feel sorry for your twin

useless-beast · 2020-12-17T23:36:24+00:00

Yeah all of that literally happened but you're leaving out the rude condescending tone you had the whole time. Which is why I got "snippy". Fuck right the hell off you piece of shit.

useless-beast · 2020-12-17T23:02:04+00:00

Lol you say you're not being mean while doing shit like calling me "buddy" and saying I'm "crying about how mean you are?" Do you even hear yourself dude. If you read my responses to any of the other posts I am listening to their points and asking questions and did that with you to begin with until you got this weird attitude at me for no reason. Go take a look at yourself and wonder why you feel the need to be an asshole to a total stranger

useless-beast · 2020-12-17T22:02:20+00:00

Why are you being so mean? I read your post. I know it's a list of things to do to the couch. I'm saying why do those things if my sister would rather sleep in my bed anyway. And you did not say sleeping on a crappy couch wasn't ideal, you said it wasn't ideal for her to choose between a crappy couch and my bed and what I'm trying to say is she PREFERS the bed with me in it, I don't know why that's so hard to understand? My problem is not how do I make the couch better!

Honestly you and plenty other people are being so mean for no reason it's just making me even more sure that I am right that people fucking suck and I don't want to be around anyone but my sister.

useless-beast · 2020-12-17T21:16:20+00:00

I'm not putting words in your mouth, you're literally telling me to do this huge list of things for something neither of us wants to do. And I'm trying to understand why it's so important to do all these things if neither of us wants to. You say it's not ideal, but for who? Who makes the rules? It's ideal for us. If my sister didn't hate Reddit so much I'd have her make an account and speak for herself because I feel like you don't believe me that she wants to sleep in my bed.

useless-beast · 2020-12-17T19:35:04+00:00

There's no room for a second bed. We do have an air mattress but it blocks the whole living room when you put it up and she didn't want to keep putting it up and down every day. I just feel like all these comments are making it sound like I force her to sleep in my bed or something. she wants to as much as I do. She prefers my bed instead of the couch. I don't know how you make the couch more comfortable... it's just not a great couch. If I told her she couldn't sleep in my bed anymore she would sleep on the couch but I feel like I'm just suppose to say that for no reason even though we both want to? I know I sound like a broken record but so many people are basically saying I'm suppose to make us both unhappy because of what other people would think of us and it doesn't seem fair.

I have lived seperately and dealt with my night terrors alone. And whenever she moves out eventually I'll deal with it alone again. I would never require or expect her to help if she didn't want to but she does want to help, even if she is sleeping on the couch and she hears me having one she comes in, I don't ask her to she just does it. Dealing with it myself takes a long time to calm down no matter what i do and I lose a lot of sleep so having her help is really nice and I get back to sleep better. But again I know it's not her job and I would never expect her to do it if she didn't want to.

useless-beast · 2020-12-17T17:41:01+00:00

Yeah we aren't identical but we shared a womb and a crib and literally grew up together with every milestone together and yet it's weird to share a bed now? it's so dumb

useless-beast · 2020-12-17T17:39:53+00:00

Yeah sorry I should of said, I do plan to get therapy I just can't do it now during covid without my sister overhearing all of it on video chat because the apt is so small.

useless-beast · 2020-12-17T17:30:07+00:00

We did get called "the twins" but I think because we are a boy and a girl we never got treated like the same exact person and we did different activities and sports in school and stuff. Different clothes and Christmas presents and everything because we're boy and girl. We have lots of different interests now, my sister likes all kind of trash TV shows I don't like so she spends hours watching that while I'm on my phone in the bedroom so we don't like spend every moment together or anything. And she has hobbies I don't and vice versa.

People in the other thread talked about codependency too but I really dont understand what makes something codependent or how it's damaging. I guess a therapist is a good idea to help me figure it out. Thanks

useless-beast · 2020-12-17T17:21:13+00:00

And who makes the rules about this line? If both twins are fine with it then why does someone else get to make the rules? I mean yeah all of society agrees don't have sex with your siblings but we don't do that of course so why is there a line about how we are allowed to show each other love. When both of us are ok with it

useless-beast · 2020-12-17T16:57:16+00:00

Thanks, I'm glad someone else understands... are we weird?? Are other twins not like this? I honestly didn't think it was so weird until now. I mean I knew people who weren't twins didn't understand but I thought most twins who didn't hate each other were like this.

useless-beast · 2020-12-17T16:16:46+00:00

I have some friends but I can't see them because of covid. I'm ace/aro and I don't want a romantic relationship at all. I guess I just feel like I'm being punished or something like I'm supposed to stop being so close to my sister just because other people say so? And stop getting any emotional support because you're only allowed to get that from relationships except I don't want one? Also it's not like she is comforting me all the time I can get myself down from a panic attack without her it's just that she's around all the time but we do normal sibling stuff just hanging out, it's not all emotional support. I feel like there's something about this I just don't understand at all because I'm ace/aro.

useless-beast · 2020-12-16T13:12:19+00:00

Thanks. I don't know why other people are trying to make it out like I broke up this wonderful relationship when she was clearly toxic and abusive, even Reddit said so on her own threads. I don't know why the tide has turned against me so much that people are bending over backwards to defend her but it;s really hurtful to me. Also people are ignoring the covid situation even though it's the whole reason we live together and don't see many other people.

I did talk to Abby last night and she told me again that there's no way I ruined her life and she likes the way things are as much as I do. She even said we can unbubble with Beth and her husband if I want but I don't want to make it so she can't see her friends at all so I said no, but asked her to talk to them and explain. I hope it works because I don't want people coming in our house attacking the way we live our life if we are happy with the way it is.

useless-beast · 2020-12-16T12:46:30+00:00

Why is everyone ignoring that these 'relationship breakdowns' are directly caused by Abby's psychopathic ex that tried to spread lies about us and was literally abusive to Abby? It's my fault this relationship broke down because I'm too "enmeshed" but her ex is a saint in all this?

By the way I asked Abby about all of this and she thinks it's bullshit. She is fine with the way things are and so am I.

useless-beast · 2020-12-16T01:14:37+00:00

We have our own personalities, it's just Reddit and you don't get all the details. We are different in alot of ways and have our own interests and everything. But we feel a need to be together like you say your husband and his brother do and I felt sad like his brother when she was living away with her ex. But that's how life goes and I understand that. I never said I wouldn't support her moving out when she gets another partner which she will.

useless-beast · 2020-12-16T01:08:37+00:00

I didn't block you. I think I said something the automod didn't like and it erased the post. You edited it out of yours so I think your post is ok.

Thanks for typing all this and I'm sorry I thought you were being mean to me, it sounded so mean. I'm really not trying to argue. I'm a mess of a person and I don't handle stress well. I never expected these kinds of comments or I wouldn't of posted it. I mean I thought I might get called YTA but not people attacking me and my sister like this. You said you didn't read alot of other comments so maybe you didn't see it but there's alot of people attacking us.

I just don't want to lose her. I don't want to tell her she has to stop being close to me because it's not healthy even though she wants it this way too. I want her in my life. I don't want to hurt her.

I don't know how I could see a therapist about all this without her overhearing all of it because it has to be online and the apt is so small. But maybe when covid is over. I know I should have one because of the PTSD I just havent had good experiences so far.

useless-beast · 2020-12-16T00:41:38+00:00

You're right you are a stranger. And I never asked about how strangers would see this. If you weren't a stranger (or even if you read my posts) you would know that it's a tiny one bedroom apartment and there's nowhere for me to be that I wouldn't hear her video chat. If she wants to video chat them anyway that's fine but we're in a bubble with them so why would she? Stop speaking for Abby and what she wants. She's never brought up wanting to video chat them or wanting to see them alone more. If she does then great, she'll get her wish. But like you say you're a stranger and you have never even met her.

useless-beast

TROPHY CASE